The Gay and Straight of It

OK, I made it home at the end of another enlightening and fascinating weekend at the job; am having a few olives and slowly coming back to earth.

The sun has been out all weekend and as the temperature began to rise more and more people came out 'to play' in town. Whether on the beach, shopping, or dining, everyone was in good spirits. (I know I always write that, but it is true.) Since our Saturday special includes $15. pitchers of Margaritas or our Passion Fruit Sangria, let me say that spirits were heightened even more.

Dos Locos was busy both days; even this afternoon, which is traditionally when most visitors head back home for the work/school week. Birthdays were celebrated, including that of a tiny woman who has been a regular for almost 20 years, who came in with friends and neighbors to celebrate her 85th year. As usual, the generosity of the locos guys was evident as they paid the entire bill for her party. Food, booze, and all. Who knows how much she has spent in the restaurant over those 2 decades and I am sure the guys thought it was worth it. We employees heartily agreed. One bartender even offered her a lap dance. No kidding, and he would have done it if she said yes. She didn't.

There are always lots of tales to tell and incidents to relate, but one in particular happened this afternoon when 6 very sullen, rather large lesbians arrived and ignoring me, silently tried to make their way to a large table of their choosing. When I interrupted and introduced myself they continued to ignore me and walk all over the dining room (were they casing the joint for a possible robbery?) in search of just the right place to grudgingly settle in.

I dogged their steps and was determined to get their attention. Finally, as they stopped before two large tables that were already reserved, I simply said, "OK, stop right there. I have the perfect spot for you." The large, swaggering butch slowly turned on me (not to me) and said, "we're sitting here." And gave me a smirk that begged to be bitch-slapped off her fat face.

I smiled and said, " you will notice that a 'reserved' sign is on these tables, unless of course, you're unable to read. As I said, I have the perfect spot for you gals." Eyebrows raised all round as the butch gave me a size-up kind of glare - and I just smiled. "But, we want to sit here, can't these other people sit somewhere else? We were here first."

"Had you thought this out and made a reservation in advance, this could have been your dining spot, but you didn't; they did. So, follow me." I herded them to a large table by the front windows as the other women almost squealed with glee and the butch just grunted. "Oh, this is so nice", some said. YES! Victory was mine. Settled them in with menus and prodded them with margaritas, but the sour expressions remained. 45 minutes pass and they finally decide to order food.

Five minutes after that, 7 deliciously sweet (and funny) gay men enter and there is only one large table left and it happens to be directly across from the dour dykes.

Got the guys settled in and with pitchers of margaritas in place, food ordered, the snappy bantering began. They were having one last meal before heading back to Washington DC and the weekly grind. The guys were all in their 30s & 40s and clearly had known one another for years. Probably sharing summer beach houses together. You see where this is going?

While the guys whooped and laughed, teased their server and tossed about silliness with me, the dour dykes shot angry glances at everyone. Even the boss joined in for a few bits of fun which made me feel even better about what was happening.

Now both parties were seated in the same server's section and the lesbians complained about the laughter and silliness. The server told the boss and he just blew it off. The guys were not being loud or rude - just having a fun meal before the long drive home.

Icing on the cake: 3 lesbian regulars fly through the door, giving me hugs and turn to see the party of guys who, it just so happened, are great friends (some even work together) and asked to join the party.

Well, the dour ones were aghast at this turn of events and as jaws dropped I could guess what they were thinking, but dare not say. The boss was sure they were going to complain about the raucous gay men when they left, but now this was a mixed bunch of friends enjoying good food and company.

When they left, the dours shot nasty glances at the happy group and me. I thanked them for coming and received only a few grunts in response. Ah, class! Whatever happened to it? So very sad. I wondered if these women knew what was happening half way around the world following a huge earthquake and tsunami. I came to the conclusion that life was all about them - nothing else mattered. Their tiny world view didn't include such annoyances.They would play the role of victim to the hilt - no matter where they happened to be.

I was just finished my shift as the happy group was leaving. The whole situation was not lost on these people and they had great fun with it - including the 3 lesbians. They had to give me a hug (some even a kiss) as they left...it was like a receiving line and I loved every minute of it.

Enjoyed my a-s drink with a few straight regulars at the bar who were witness to the entire tableau and shared their take on what happened. They had pretty much followed the scenario and watched as events unfolded. Fun Stuff! See, straight people can be trained to see the other side of life.  Took a short walk on the boardwalk before walking home in the bright sunlight of a new daylight-savings-time afternoon. Heaven.

And so it goes.
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