What About Time? It's About NOW

I've been in conversations lately where inevitably the question "What do you want out of life?" is asked.  Most of these folks are in the 40s and 50s, seem professionally successful, most are coupled, and outwardly appear content.  I suppose not. Or, are they asking the question to draw me in to find out how I see my life today as opposed to 5 years ago.

They do not know my past (that I'm aware of) and I am careful when responding because they don't understand how I can survive without TV service, Glee, American Idol, and whatever new show happens to be on the gay-list-a-list. There's doubt they would understand the transmigration (forced and self-imposed) endured to get to this place. 

I want NOW!

None believe that I turn 65 this summer.  They say I look much younger (bless'em) when I think what they really mean is I don't "act" 65.  Their image of my age group is that of a person shutting down, out of circulation, or put out to pasture, as they say.  Someone who has lost their sensahumah, spends every morning scouring the newspaper obits in search of someone they know, and downing pills by the fist-full for whatever ailment du jour.

Um, NOW, please!

They are status-conscious, owning 'things' that everyone around them would envy, I lost all that 5 years ago and happy at the way it turned out.  Remember those huge, heavy coffee table books of photos of everything from the Aztecs to Zanuck?  (Apologies if you have any of these, this is about me.) That kind of living and hoarding never ends.  There's always something else, some must-have item required just to keep up with the pack.

Sure, we had invested in that lifestyle and the sudden vacuum created when it was gone left me off balance and breathless.  I survived. I've had lots of help along the way.

OK, cliche alert!  I never eat sour grapes and do my damnest not to spill milk, but if I do, I don't cry over it.

I don't require much to be happy and comfortable. Martinis, Margaritas and the occasional Sazerac are blessings accepted and savored. I laugh alot and others laugh with me. There is respect and love from those I work for, and with, that means so much to me. 

I'll stick with - NOW.

I didn't get a chance to go on holiday this year and the season is upon us, but that's OK.  I'm ready to enjoy myself as new people enter my life, while others depart.  That's fine too, and as it should be. 

Enjoying an evening out is on the horizon, as is the infrequent visit to Happy Hour at local restaurants, but patience, patience. 

Meanwhile, looking forward to the arrival of the Sony sound system to this place keeps the smile on my silly face a little bigger. Maybe tomorrow - my day off - and wouldn't that be great!!!

And so it goes.
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