It’s been quite a week since my return from New Orleans. So much seemed to be piled on my plate that by last evening I just wanted to lock the doors, turn off the lights and radio, and pretend I wasn’t home. Turns out I wasn’t home – if you get my drift. This doesn’t feel like home. The truth is something was shaken loose by this last trip. I miss the city that I swore I would never return to when I was sixteen. The enchantment has come back to me as it does to many natives who leave frustrated or disappointed. I am the only member of my family to ever leave town and move to, of all places the North. New York City!
The enchantment I once felt for Rehoboth has begun to wane. ‘Disenfranchised’ describes it perfectly. No longer part of a couple I am not invited to parties anymore and the volunteering efforts I used to look forward to are no longer possible due to work and other obligations.
At a crossroads then; a few NYC friends want me to move back and live with them until I get on my feet. As we sat on the balcony in NOLA sipping coffee last week, a friend and I talked about seeing Gotham through the eyes of visitors and house guests and how that helped to spark that sense of wonder and pride again, but eventually it all just faded away again. Yes, NYC is a magical place and holds many happy memories. Tempting yes, but I lived in Gotham at the exact time I was meant to and life would not be the same for me now. Jaded? Maybe.
Other friends suggest a move back to New Orleans and use my activist background to help the city. Possibility? Maybe.
This trip and the reunion evening itself proved what I have said for many years; that true friendships were forged 50 years ago. Though many of us had not been together for about 40 years the bonds held true and we slipped easily into new and old conversations as the memories seeped through and surfaced in our collective consciousness.
Earlier in the week when I confided these thoughts to someone their question was, “at your age don’t you think it’s time you put down roots?” The answer is I thought I had – for thirty years – put down roots only to have them ripped from the good earth by a hurricane like Katrina. That said I wouldn’t want those diseased roots for a life, anymore.
Because there is little hope that the furniture and ‘things’ in storage will ever find a home with me again I could dump it all here and start fresh. It’s a whole other lifetime.
Here’s the deal…
Pros: I own a late model automobile that gets good mileage. There is a little money in the bank. (And who knows what will happen to the banks.) I require very little to get by.
Cons: No Health Insurance. No promise of employment or housing. These could be worked out.
Of course, life could be bad elsewhere, but there’s an even better chance that it could be good. Working to Live is more attractive than Living to Work. Seriously.
Weighing the options.
Maybe it is time to move on.
And so it goes.
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Prayers that you make the right decision, whichever it is.
ReplyDeleteYou are at a crossroads in your life. I've been there. Ironically, for me moving to the Rehoboth Beach area was the direction I wanted and needed to do to get my life back on track. For you it seems that your true friends are in NYC and NOLA. That's your decision, which one offers the best options for your financial security and social needs. You're fortunate that you have retained your longtime friendships from your previous lives. They know and appreciate you for who you are. I think you have discovered that your friendships in the Rehoboth area, although appearing as a large lake, were shallow waters instead. I've been here two years and my best friends are still the ones I made over 40 years ago. Go where you have financial security and a support group of true friends. Leave this chapter behind you. Once you make that decision, I guarantee you that you will wonder why you didn't make it sooner. Good luck my friend.
ReplyDeleteWOW! This is a shocker. You were so happy to be at the beach, but, of course, things have changed and I can see how that may not be the case now.
ReplyDeleteGood vibes I send for whatever lies ahead and whatever decision you make for the future.
You are a braver man than I to even address this kind of change at our age.
THC
I think you hear a calling - a need; your concern for those in New Orleans, as well as your long-time friends add up to a clear picture to me.
ReplyDeleteI'd have gone the minute I realized the plight of those citizens, and gotten involved with trying to lend a hand, and give encouragement to those who would benefit from your wisdom and concerns.
I've never hesitated to move - regardless of 'age', and I'm ready to do it again if I think I belong somewhere other than where I am now. Until that need arises and makes itself known, I'll stay where I am.
My trip to stay with my mother this coming fall, might dictate a need to become a part-time resident of the state I was born in; friends are having health problems - my family could use a hand, so I won't hesitate to pick up and go when/if needed.
You've realized there's a bigger calling than just being 'retired' - sitting in the sun; spending a day at the beach, or having a martini at night. All of this is nice, but feeling the spirit of life and being among the active and living souls who are accomplishing something, will keep you vital.
Your most recent entry about the success of Rove being given his 'just due', shows your passion.
Good luck with whatever keeps the fire burning in you. Diane
W E - thanks for the prayers for the correct decision, if there is one. We are always taking roads that offer no clue as to where they may ultimately lead, yet we walk that road anyway. I need to pray more and buy a new pair of walking shoes.
ReplyDeleteRon - as usual yours sounds like sage advice and though you know very little about my previous life, you did get a few things right. Thanks.
THC - you have the nerve to call me brave, after what you have endured?
You would do it in a NY minute if you had to, and you know it. But, thanks for your support and love.
Happy - as usual, you hit it on the head. Much of life is a calling and many of us pretend to be deaf to the call. I cannot be anyone but who I have always been. My hope is that my decisions and their impact on the lives of others will have a positive effect on my own life and lead me to be a little more willing to do more.
You are a blessing in my life.
Thanks to all of you.