Healing, History, and Helpful Advice

Having taken a painkiller with the evening meds after supper last night, I brushed my teeth and settled into bed. Started a new e-book on the history of Scotland and got taken away for a few hours before feeling the desperate need for sleep.  Just what I hoped for, anyway. Slept like a baby, too. 

“How the Scots Invented the Modern World” is a surprisingly quick read and - for what it is - extremely easy to follow. I thought that after reading all the Civil War, American Political History stuff, it was time to take a crack at the other side of the pond. I’ve watched the multi-episode BBC series on the subject, but this is quite different.  

I received a poignant letter from a blogger buddy turned friend today, offering much wise advice regarding my physical and emotional healing and allowing time to let it happen. His words ring true, indeed. I need to follow them and think only about myself right now. Listen to my body and not try to rush the recovery process.  I don’t have to force myself to be productive so quickly after what I’ve been through. Feel vindicated in my attitude after reading and digesting his letter. Most of all, there is no reason to feel “antsy” about anything. I must learn how to rest. Now, I have help.

Unfortunately, my new V shaped pillow did not arrive in yesterday’s post.  Well, they gave a 4-day delivery window, after all. I just need to find more patience, is all. Will someone please send me a whole lot of patience - - - and hurry!

It’s great to be able to text Linda in Ireland. We had a half hour chat while she rode the train from Belfast back to Dublin yesterday. As it stands now, she is supposed to receive her test results tomorrow (Monday) so we’ll know the good or not so good news.  If she comes back this week, or not. She truly believes it’s really nothing, but it’s the not-knowing that’s driving everyone crazy.

Just a reminder; I cannot navigate the strairs unless someone is physically present in case I lose my center of balance. That’s why I must be a shut-in most of the time.  As I’m learning, not necessarily a bad thing. This also means that I cannot yet drive myself anywhere, either. The center of balance and motion thing again, I guess. I will know more when I talk with the doctor this week. 

Nicole was supposed to pick me up on the way to Dos Locos this afternoon where I hoped to spend an hour or two, but as I got out of the shower I felt a wave of achy pain and some dizziness, and made it to the bed without taking a fall. So I sent a text telling her I’m OK and we’ll do it another time. 

Got hungry a little while ago so I made it to the kitchen for a bit of cheese and crackers and a fruit cup. I’m feeling better…but it’s back to bed now.

And so it goes.

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An Antsy Shut-in Kind of Weekend

This weekend marks 2 weeks out of hospital, and my, how the time does fly!!! And today I am antsy.

No personal post on Friday. Mostly hung out in bed, reading or sleeping. Ate very little, didn’t feel hungry. Just tired without energy, so being a shut-in wasn’t a bad thing. 

This feels very strange. I pretty much slept from 2:30pm Friday until 1:30am today. Woke up feeling fine, without any appetite to speak of, though I ate cereal and had a coffee followed by a bagel with cream cheese and preserves. 

This is the second or third time I’ve experienced this kind of episode since leaving hospital and I think it’s time to ask the doctors about it.  Which I will do on Monday. Meanwhile, this sleeping/napping 12 to 16 hours a day is taking a big chunk out of that “borrowed time” I’m living on right about now. 

Will try to get someone to take me out tomorrow morning - maybe even have breakfast - just to get out and about for a while. Enough to tire me out from actually exerting myself, if you get my drift.I am not going to get any stronger, or prettier just sitting around like Joe Egg and I need to build my strength and stamina.

Found 2 listings for small apartments at Craigslist and put through calls to both of them.  It is the weekend, after all, so I may not hear anything, but then again. 

Some people tell me I ought to relax and watch TV or a movie, but I am not interested in being in a passive mode right now. I can’t sit still for that kind of “entertainment” nowadays. I’ve watched a few YT music videos but that’s the extent of my viewing pleasure.

I’m antsy and need to be engaged in something.  But, what? I think I need an anxiety medication about now.

And so it goes.

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Star Wars Caturday

More later.
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The Kinks: Give Up The Complicated Life

As I play shut in again today, waiting for my V-shaped Pillow from the UK,  as well as another small package from UTKilts to arrive today, I remember this song as one of the best of the Kinks. You can listen to the video and read the tongue-in-cheek lyrics below.

"Complicated Life"

Well I woke this morning with a pain in my neck,

A pain in my heart and a pain in my chest,

I went to the doctor and the good doctor said,

You gotta slow down your life or you're gonna be dead,

Cut out the struggle and strife,

It only complicates your life.

Well I cut down women, I cut out booze,

I stopped ironing my shirts, cleaning my shoes,

I stopped going to work, stopped reading the news,

I sit and twiddle my thumbs cos I got nothing to do,

Minimal exercise,

To help uncomplicate my life,

Gotta stand and face it life is so complicated,

Ladi dah di dahdah, ladi dah di dah dah,

You gotta get away from the complicated life, son,

Life is overrated, life is complicated,

Must alleviate this complicated life.

Cut out the struggle and strife,

It's such a complicated life.

Like old Mother Hubbard

I got nothin' in the cupboard,

Got no dinner and I got no supper,

Holes in my shoes, I got holes in my socks,

I can't go to work cos I can't get a job,

The bills are rising sky high,

It's such a complicated life,

Gotta stand and face it,

Life is so complicated.

Ladi dah di dahdah, ladi dah di dah dah

Gotta get away from the complicated life, son,

Life is overrated, life is complicated,

Must alleviate this complicated life.

Gotta get away from the complicated life, son,

Gotta get away from the complicated life.

And so it goes.
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Best Laid Plans & Encouraging Results

Neutrophil. My Friend.

Thanks to that tried and true old saying “the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry” and the ability of the Center Staff to seemingly work major miracles, everything was compacted and accomplished in this single day. When the reality hit that I had no transportation to doctor’s appointments tomorrow afternoon, mountains were moved.

Fortunately for me, a new patient was kind enough to switch days and times so all my Lab Work and other appointments could happen this morning within a few hours of each other rather than spread out through tomorrow.  

Nicole was a gem; just sat with homework spread out and did what needed to be ready for class tomorrow. Between Labs and waiting for results we sat and chatted in the lounge. When the results were announced I was whisked off to the doctor’s office for a check of vitals, review of the results, and a consult pertaining to care over the next 4 weeks. 

Turns out there is no bad news to report. My blood count is still on the rise - hemoglobin, platelets are up, even neutrophil count nudging at the normal range. The only negative is the white cell count which remains low, causing the weakness, quick fatigue and shortness of breath.  Which is something I don’t understand since Neutrophils are about 50% white cells. Still, I’ll take the rest and hope the white cells will eventually come along for the ride.

I am elated that I need not be infused this week. No blood product necessary. Maybe someday I’ll be able to go two or three weeks without infusions so I can take a mini-vacation away from everything here. Hey! It's something to look forward to...

Four drugs were discontinued, replaced by 4 others so a stop at the pharmacy to drop off the new scripts was on the gay agenda. I was tiring out and we were both getting hungry so a hardy breakfast was the next and last stop before heading back to town to deliver me to my second story prison. 

Nicki will pick up the new drugs tomorrow and drop them off on her way to work at Dos Locos in the afternoon.  Still the number of scripts on my list is smaller than it’s ever been.  That alone gives me hope. 

I am shocked and amazed by even this small change for the better. I am not going to get too excited yet. I don’t want to be shot down mid-flight again anytime soon. Slow and steady and the blessing of having the supportive folks around me to allow that to happen.

It’s been a long and exciting day and I am just about to pack it in, take my evening meds, slide under the covers and read until I fall asleep. Tomorrow is another shut in day and I'll not mind a bit.

I am amazed.

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Throwback Thursday:Any Weekend 1970s

Old Friends:
For a small corps of us weekend meant busting out and heading for a museum, the Cloisters, Central Park concerts, or just roaming the Village hunting out new eating spots, or getting some sun. Pretty much the only time we wanted to leave the Village - because of tourists.

My oldest and dearest friend, Ted. Met in 1964 at the World's Fair became roommates in college, enjoyed each other's company.  Made each other laugh and knew more about one another than we ever cared to admit. Ultimately worked with Pan Am Airlines until they fell apart.  This caused an emotional meltdown from which he never recovered. He died in a group home in 1990.

Friends Sandy (slightly out of frame) and Bob taking a walk and getting some Spring sun on the Morton Street Pier following a Sunday Brunch at the Ramrod on West Street. The place where I had my first Rum Bloody - Bloody Mary made with dark rum instead of tasteless, cheap vodka. Great food, great friends with bikes, skates, and pretty people on the pier. Both are gone. Deaths are too gruesome to relate here.

These guys and those fun times are sorely missed, but remembered with great fondness.

An so it goes.
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No Boring Shut-in Here

Flowers from Dos Locos at Hospital.

Up early again and made coffee - French Press - to warm myself up and begin the day on an up note. Actually made two big mugs to begin the day. Listened to the Pet Shop Boys video (posted earlier) to keep my mood elevated and plunged into the day. 

Ordered 2 prescription refills which will be picked up tomorrow when Nicole takes me for Lab work at the Cancer Center in the morning. She has the day off; with Linda still in Ireland she offered to fill in for the task.  Nice of her. I hated to impose because she’s going to school, and works at 2 restaurants to make ends meet.  Very little free time for herself.  I am humbled by her generosity. 

Spent some time clearing and reorganizing the closet. It was like a black bag Liquidation Sale! Turns out I was very much a Carisack collector (Havisack, too) - had them in all shapes and sizes and from every possible manufacturer. As my needs and gizmos changed, so did the size and shape of the Carisack. 

Ordered another new cap from Amazon. A gray version of the black Irish cabbie cap I’ve had for a while. I like the texture and lightness as well as how it looks with any kind of outfit - dressed up or dressed down. 

Made an appointment to meet with the local funeral director to choose the kind of service, if any, I want for my funeral. Since I am going to be cremated anyway, I don’t think I need anything fancy in which to be laid out.  If anything at all.  I know nothing about this stuff, so will fill in the details when I learn more.  I don’t even think there’s any reason for a viewing. 

Since I am not allowed fresh lettuce or tomatoes, a proper “dressed” Roast Beef Po-Boy is out of the question.  Still I can make the gravy, toast the baguette and slather it with mayo and pickles - at least making it into a modified Po-Boy, or French Dip.  That will be for supper tonight.  Chips would be nice, but I have none. Bother.

I decided to kick the Gillette and Schick shaving systems. When I found that 8 replacement blades were priced at $25.00 I vowed to find another way.  Since I shave my head as well, I wanted something with multiple blades at a reasonable cost.  And I found HARRY’S!  Great prices, good reviews, and free shipping. I ordered a starter kit which ought to be here in a week. Cost of replacement blades is half that of the other name brands. Abount $1.80 per blade.

Since I am no longer allowed to have house plants because of the mold spores causing infections, Jeffrey will be taking them home to care for them in his new place, which has a bright enclosed porch. I would have hated to throw them away, since I raised them from 6” $5.00 pots over the past 5 years and they’ve gotten very large and happy here. I hope they grow well for him, too.

Well, well, well.  Isn’t that precious?  I just received an email containing a somewhat long patient satisfaction survey from the Beebe Medical Center.  I think afternoon and part of the evening will be well spent, after all.

I am amazed.
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PSB: Hold On!

From their 2012 album "Elysium"

As I've mentioned before I almost always wake up with a song running around in my head. It usually drives me nuts until I find the recording and play it through. Don't know why. This is the tune I woke up with sloshing around in my head this morning. Although I like the song and what it means, a lot, I have no idea why it made a home for itself in my head last night.  But it did.

Another shut-in day, but I am slowly sorting through the most confusing paper work encountered so far.  I fear it will only get worse as the Repubs get their hands on things very soon.

Oh well, think positive thoughts, eh?

And so it goes.

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The Epic Dream of My Life, or Something Like It.

 I guess this is what being a shut-in is all about. What an afternoon/night.  I must have dreamed the epic of all dreams during that time.  And it was in the most vivid colour, too. Stand aside Mr. DeMille! I Take Large Steps.

I swear I could almost smell popcorn. 

The locations ranged from Florida’s Gulf Coast, New Orleans, Amsterdam, unidentifiable beaches everywhere, London, New York City (most intense), Toronto, even a desert-type landscape with oak trees instead of palms, and La Jolla. And featured just about everyone I have ever known in my life - long term, or nameless acquaintances - and I performed the most amazing feats that I’ve never done in real life. And I performed them well. 

I woke twice to pee and drink some water. When I returned to bed the dream continued where it left off.  Oddly enough, there were few appearances by family members, which I suppose means something, I don’t know what. 

There were large chunks of reality in there, too. Episodes of rejection and times I was abandoned. It was interesting to watch myself from afar as I pulled myself together and moved on, or hid myself in shame before finding the strength and foothold to move on.

There was a lot of flying involved. Made difficult at times by the other people in a given episode trying to keep me down, in my place, as it were. Sometimes it was hard to break free.

I seemed to be on a search, or quest of some kind and everywhere I went I found something “important” that was stuffed into a carisack as sort of a piece of the overall puzzle.  

It’s now 1:30 AM and I am pretty dreamed out. The dream ended quietly with me living in one of those new tiny houses in a vast open field somewhere in no-man’s land. I was surrounded by the collection of “things” found along the way. Though people would drive by and wave as I sat on the tiny porch of the tiny house, I was alone, but completely at peace. 

Camera pulls back to a wide shot of the house in the middle of a vast, brownish-gold plain, a narrow dirt road a few yards from the house. There is no evidence of a car of my own. The only bright colors are those of the house. Sound of wind in the background. Fade to black.

I had no narcotics beforehand. I was tired and sleepy after lunch and decided a nap would be a good thing.  Little did I know…

Thought I’d write about it before it all fades away and I have only snippets to taunt me.  I mean, I doubt a dream like this one is likely to come to me again.

I am amazed. 

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Uncooperative Blogger

It’s seems as though Blogger has been hitting my drug stash lately.  My posts are not being published when I send them, but languishing somewhere in the  digital ether for Blogger’s own convenience. I didn't post on Sunday.

For a while now the comments of certain bloggers have not been deposited in my email box, but stored directly in the Blogger Folder, making it a chore to discover, moderate, and post all relevant comments from all readers. 

Sorry for any chronological confusion this may have caused. I may try “timing” or scheduling posts for a while. Also, if this craziness continues I may turn off moderation and let the chips fall where they may. 

The few SPAM messages that get through are hardly worth the effort. Most of the stoopid comments are posted  anonymously and refer to the BP oil spill, the Katrina Aftermath (which I wouldn’t let go of) or aimed at my political views.  I wanted to spare readers the poorly written comments from the “friends of Jesus”, but I don’t think it’s worth it anymore.

There’s gonna be some changes made!  Just to reiterate; I didn’t post anything on Sunday…so confusing.

Anyway.  Today is Monday and I am feeling a little better than yesterday. A shut-in all day, I received texts from the UK and Ireland checking in and checking up on me.

It was also a day for receiving personal notes and letters from concerned readers and friends.  Most thoughtful and thought-provoking, indeed. It was somewhat surprising to learn that those folks cared about me. 

So, I spent the day doing research and hunting down info that a layman could understand on certain topics that have always held an interest for me.  Then when my head was about to explode I would lie down and read something for fun, have a bite to eat, or nap. (I enjoyed the remaining half of the crab quesadilla leftover from Saturday evening) 

The good Dr. Spo came through with my Halloween reading, which was quite positive considering, more than I expected and most welcome.  By sheer coincidence, one of the cards in his reading turned out to be the card of the day for today. 

All in all, Sunday was a good day to be a shut-in.

I feel more energetic today, but then I’m not doing much of anything either. Very little pain to speak of so far, balance seems better, so I’m just following the routine. Maybe tomorrow I’ll get someone to take me out for a short time - maybe a short walk on the boardwalk, or just around the block here - start small.

I am amazed.

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A Backward Glance...

Last week at this time I was setting foot in the apartment for the first time in 5

weeks. It was a bizarre experience, I must say.

Looking back, I don’t think I’ve made the progress I hoped to make, but in some areas greater strides than I thought possible. I still tire easily, only have a slight increase in appetite, find it hard to stand and cook a full meal, still deal with occasional severe pain in legs and back, and tend to sleep sounder - and longer - than I did while in hospital.

On the other hand I’ve been out and about more. Walking without assistance, tending to my personal needs, eating better - if not more, and most of all - listening to my body instead of plowing ahead and over-exerting myself.Yes, I have learned something from this medical crisis.

I check the apartment/studio ads almost daily, but nothing has come up in my price range or in the selected area I could live. That’s depressing at times. But, it is what it is.

Spent a few hours at Dos Locos today, as well. The staff was disappointed that I couldn’t make a show of it on Friday so they contrived a sneaky-pete way to get me there early. Without going into details, at Linda’s request I put on a dress tartan kilt, sporran, the works, was picked up and spent 2 hours chatting with old customers and staff. The kilt certainly brought a smile to a lot of faces. Linda’s included.

Lots of picture taking and FB posts, folks kept trying to buy me drinks (no way!) - what I really wanted was a Rusty Nail, but seems a Mexican Restaurant doesn’t stock Drambuie.  Linda delivered me home (with my Crab Quesadila in tow) as she left for the airport for the flight to Ireland. 

It was great fun and lifted my spirits as so many people stopped by to give hugs and kisses and well wishes. It was also the third day of the first 7 being out and about with positive results.  Of course, I was tired and ready for a nap when I got home, but that is to be expected only one week on…

I hope to be around come St. Patrick’s weekend. I have plans to order a Wallace red tartan kilt, with all the trimmings in Miss Linda’s honour.  Wallace being her clan tartan, anyway. I won’t be ordering it too soon. I’ve lost way too much weight and I don’t think I could get it in this size right now without special order.  I’ll wait til the new year and see how much meat I put on these old bones, then surprise her at the annual celebration at the restaurant followed by an Irish Whiskey at Stoney Lonen (Rehoboth’s traditional Irish pub) after work.

I’ve run out of reading material and just happened to find that more books in the PERN series have been  published as e-books since Anne McCaffrey’s death. Seems she welcomed her son into her PERN sandbox before she passed away, and he took up the challenge of writing in it on her behalf. Anyway, I’ve downloaded 3 that should keep my waking hours busy for a week or so. 

I’m ready for bed now and whatever awaits me on Sunday - being a shut-in all day should be an interesting experience.

Still, I am amazed.

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Biblical Caturday

Back by popular demand...mine!

More later
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