The lyrics of a song from “Sweet Charity” go like this, ‘there’s got to be something better than this – there’s got to be something better to do – and when I find that something better to do, I’m gonna get up, I’m gonna get out, I’m gonna get up get out and do it.’*
Trouble is…I can’t locate that ‘something better’ no matter where I look. I continue the job hunt (Ha!) and all I get is a world full of ‘no’ every step of the way. Hey, I know I’m not alone; I also know that it’s going to get worse before it gets better. That there are people in more dire straits than I is not in dispute. All I can say is – this is my life and my reality.
I cannot help others as long as I am straddled with the fact that life, as I have known it is gone and isn’t coming back any time soon; I’ve been here before but that was over four decades ago. When you’re young you’re indestructible, can overcome any obstacles, not so today. I have to work to secure my present – to hell with the future – that’ll work itself out.
Today was a particularly gray, cold, raw day and I needed some cheering up, a pep talk, if you will. It came in the form of a phone call from my oldest and dearest friend. Friends for 46 years, there is nothing that we’ve not shared. There have been times when one of us arrives at a better place before the other – and the other is pissed because their head just ain’t there yet – so there’s an inane semi-fight, we stop speaking for a few weeks, and when we’re back up to speed and in sync again, all is right with the world.
Our conversation lasted over an hour and ran the gamut of emotions with tales of recent adventures, misadventures, and non-adventures in my case. We laughed, cried, and electronically held one another close, as we always have.
We both know that there is someone who truly cares, who can always be depended upon, and will be there whenever needed. A comforting truth, that.
So, I haven’t found ‘something better’, I have a treasure. Someone who understands, doesn’t judge, and is ready to listen. I believe that has been the secret of our friendship for all these years. This doesn’t make life’s present challenges disappear, I am feeling blessed and loved this afternoon.
*H/T to Cy Coleman and Dorothy Fields.
I’m spent. Done.
And so it goes.