Slept OK Friday night, but achey at times, painful enough to wake me up.
Spiked what is called a ‘neutropenic fever’ early Saturday and all energy drained from my body. Any idea of hitting the pharmacy for the scripts was blown away. Every joint in my body ached with any movement.
Took my temperature - it was 101.6 and way beyond the acceptable limit, especially after being so recently transfused. Friend Linda took me to the ER where I told the story of the disease, the fall, and events of the past week - three. more. times. Tiring, that. Finally taken to an exam room and put on a gurney. Fever now 102.
Heart monitor attached, oxygen administered. Blood cultures were taken again as well an effort to reduce the fever. No transfusion until the fever was down.
|Taken by nurse Michael.|
I struggled to will my body to respond to the big dose of tylenol to bring that temperature down. Fever finally abated to 99.2 when the blood was ordered. If the fever hadn’t broken, I was to be admitted to the hospital until it did.
Blood had to be ‘imported’ from Wilmington because of the newly discovered antibodies involved due to the constant infusions. That took 5 hours. They got me rehydrated and left me alone to read or rest. Sleep, of course, would not come.
The suggestion was made to introduce more platelets, but I received them only last Monday, so the doctor rejected that idea.
At this point it would appear that unless some miracle takes place in my body, I am living on borrowed time on the blood donations of others. Things will only get more complicated as my body begins to reject and finally refuse to be cooperative in keeping me alive. Borrowed time, as it were. Didn’t get in until 11 last night. Fourteen hours later.
I’ve had little to eat since Friday, but I’m not hungry. Only thirsty. Pumping my body full of fluids all day yesterday slaked my thirst temporarily. It’s back now.
Feeling slightly better this morning, though still weak and a bit achey. Temperature a bit elevated, but no headaches - yet. If I spike another high fever today, I will need to be admitted to the hospital.
Who knows, for how long.
I hate writing about this, but it’s the only way I can express myself and explain what is happening in the most sane way possible. I am not a medical professional; so much of the jargon is way over my head, but I get most of it in the abstract. The prognosis isn’t good.
I guess I ought to be concerned about the apartment, my things, and the car. I am not. They’re only things, tools and the like. They don’t mean anything to me, really. They are nice to have, but that’s that.
For the first time in my life I am not worried about paying bills, either. Anyone who knows me knows what a stickler I am about paying bills and my credit score. Always have been. Not anymore.
The universe has me in its embrace and I can do nothing but my best to try to heal and hope the body will respond. If it’s too late and the old body can’t take any more, then so be it.
I will have to be in great pain, or discomfort before I submit my self to hospital care. If I go into the hospital the laptop will go with me. I fear I will be there for a few days, at least, maybe longer. If I fall that low - physically - I will likely give in to their demands.
At present, I am not living life as meant to be. I live as a caged animal with little contact with the world; isolated from everything I love and need to remain sane and human. Just between you and me (promise you won’t breathe a word to anyone else) I just want this long nightmare to be over. However it may turn out.
Like that old saying: Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
And so it goes.