Back To Where I Don’t Belong!

Like it or not, I have returned to the scene of the crimes (all of them) although (again) the powers that were insisted it would never happen. Plans to go directly into Rehab following the heart fungal infection treatment (6 weeks!) were shot down the very day of my last heart treatment. 

Seems the Rehab Center had to be shutdown due to an outbreak of an intestinal infection that hit the residents hard. Now, can you imagine my reaction if I had arrived in time to be forced into shutdown mode and had to deal with yet another attack on my immune system? No, me neither.

The hospital was stunned, but even more-so when a test swab revealed that I had Type A Influenza.  I wrote about this in a brief update recently, so I won’t go into the gory details. The episode knocked me out for another week, the hospital went into full isolation mode again and I became Neutropenic - again.  There went my fresh fruits and vegetables..It was nice while it lasted.

When it was time to reschedule a room in Rehab, there were none available except in the one that NO ONE wants to be admitted to and to which I also declined. 

Suddenly my apartment looked pretty good to them and it was clear they wanted me out of there as I wanted out of there before I was hit with another infection out of the blue.

So, me and my 23 days of necessities for rehab were stuffed into an ambulance and shipped to my old apartment.

The only difference, and it’s a big one, is that I have been registered with and admitted to Delaware Hospice, which ought to make my life less stressful and rest a little easier.  I get to stay home and people come to me for basic care and nursing needs.

The final home admissions interview was conducted yesterday morning - about 2.5 hours - and I felt much better following the meeting.  There is still much I don’t know about or understand and I am stressed enough to imagine that it could all be taken away in an instant (it does involved Medicare/Medicaid after all.) but for now it feels pretty good.

Had an uncomfortable, sleepless, strange night with little rest and woke up to this for my card of the day:

“The middle of the night - you are startled out of sleep, nightmare, undigested thoughts: get up and work out what you can do about it!  It’s dark, and many lights appear; mental flashes.  Nine Swords: a whole gamut of new knowledge and insights - exhausting - get used to them carefully.”

I'm still organizing my thoughts and experiences so...More later.

*

Queen of Swords

Drew this as the card of the day and while I’ve drawn her many times over the years, her true meaning just slapped me in the head. I’ve just come to recognize my own Queen of Swords.  It’s Linda! She is everything described and no matter where she appears in a reading she is always true to her nature.

Interesting this, because I just learned that Linda must return to Ireland this weekend.  This time for a health check of her own. The mammogram performed on her last visit (she keeps her Irish health insurance since the cost of similar American coverage is prohibitive) has shown a couple of anomalies. She wanted to wait a few weeks until things settled down with the restaurant and with my situation, but her wee mother put her tiny foot down, so her flight leaves Saturday evening. 

She’ll  have the series of tests on Monday with results returned the Monday following, so barring any immediate health issue, she should be back in the States on or about the 20th. of November. 

She’s worried about me getting the healthcare I need. I have labs again next Thursday 13, November,  followed by an office visit with the Oncologist on Friday the 14th. 

I insisted that with the daily progress I’m making, I ought to be able to drive myself both days; they’re a week away after all. 

I think all will be well by then, but convincing a stubborn Irish Lass (yes, she takes after her Mum!) will take some doing.  Still, it is what it is and I’ve had more personal care than I ever thought possible over these past weeks, so whatever…I’ve been blessed.

After all that said and done, the afternoon at DL has been postponed for today. I’ve become weaker throughout the day with the pain increasing in my legs and back, as well.  Some other time will have to do. I don’t want to over-reach or push myself only to end up with a relapse and another hospital stay.

I am not ready for that again.

I am amazed.

*

Today’s Tarot Nudge

Another Challenge. Facing it. This card has come up often in the year since the diagnosis. Always a tough call.

Don’t know if I’ve strength enough right now. There it is, whatever choice I make.

Amazing.

*

Review: The Ancestral Tarot Deck

With the storms raging outside, I’ve had the opportunity to sit and study the new gifted deck. Aside from the pounding rain all has been quiet making it a soothing, relaxing experience.

It’s a curious, interesting little deck of cards. I say little, but their about the size of a standard deck of cards though slightly different in shape - being almost square. After getting used to the size of The Golden deck - cards are 6.5 X 3.5 inches - these appear very small in my hands. The cards have a fine mat finish showing the images in slightly muted tones.

The four suits that make up the Minor Arcana represent 4 distinct civilizations. The imagery is vivid, though difficult to decipher in some cases. The suit subject, as in Cups and Staves are sometimes obscure requiring a closer examination of the card in question. 

 The 4 suits are represented by:

Druids, Ancient England = Cups

Various Native Americans = Sacred Circles/Coins 

Ancient Japan = Swords 

Ancient Africa/Egypt = Staves/Wands 

The cards of the Major Arcana are a collection of images from the four civilizations represented in the Minor Arcana, but with nuanced, distinct differences in some cases.  (click to embiggen)

 

An interesting visual to note is the back of the cards. (Top of this post) In most decks the back decoration is identical for either direction; one cannot tell if the card is upright or reversed (if you read cards both ways).  Not so with this deck, as you can see. The lighter image (up) symbolizes the day (and positive), the darker mirror image denotes the night (or negative). This isn’t a problem for me as I tend to - depending on the deck in use - read cards mostly in the upright position. I have never understood why day is considered positive and night as negative. More ancient prejudices, I suppose.

The box claims the manufacturer as Games Systems, Inc. I didn’t find this deck at their website.

From the box insert:

Ancestral Path Tarot threads together the diverse beliefs of various cultures in order to find commonalities of experience among them. It examines the traditions of our ancestors through mythology to reclaim a personal spirituality that enables us to perceive the divine in ourselves and others.

The Ancestral Path Tarot emphasizes the living traditions of all human cultures for us to factor into our world view. The deck portrays paths created by ancestors of different times and cultures for our consideration.

It’s a handsome deck. I just have to get used to it, by using it. My thanks to whomever was thoughtful enough to gift this to me.  Though I wish I could thank you properly, be assured that I will treasure it. 

And so it goes.

*

Results, Revolts, and Receiving

(The title could have been “Receiving Revolting Results” but that would only cover half of the post and confuse the reader.)

The Dermatologist removed the stitches from the punch biopsies this morning. Sites where he removed hunks of meat are healing well, if very, very slowly. Damned immune system!

Biopsy results show that the rash was the body’s revolt against the Chemo, but the cream (a one pound jar!) cleared it and mercifully stopped the itching. The other skin condition, also caused by the compromised immune system, is responding well to the shower/body wash.  I am nothing if not super clean and slippery! (Did I say that?) So, all is well on those fronts.

However, the 3rd Chemo cycle (there are 4, total) starts on Monday, so the staff at the Center and I will be more vigilant for signs of any new changes in the body - inside and outside. Another 7 days of double injections, then off for 21.

If today’s Tarot card (and the one drawn for the month) are any indication, August is going to be kind of a roller-coaster ride. I can deal with the downs, as long as there are a few ups in the mix, too. If you get my drift.

Stopped at the market on the way home to grab a few things before the weekend. All at once the butcher rushes up to me and says, “I hear you had a birthday last week, I have something for you.”  He goes into the back and comes out with a small package wrapped in butcher paper.  Scribbled in marker on the top is “Happy Birthday” and he gives me the package and a hug.

The butcher (very easy on the eyes, I might add) learned about my situation from the Deli manager, who I’ve known for years.  The butcher has been fighting his own battles - doing Chemo off and on for over 2 years. 

The gift turned out to be a beautiful Petit Filet. I am absolutely floored by this gesture. 

Other than the possibility of a dawn walk on the boardwalk, I’ve no plans for the weekend. Just girding the loins for the 7 days to come. Oh, and broiling that great looking hunk of meat.  The filet, not the butcher! Although…Hmmmmm.

And so it goes.

*

Fortune Cookies? Feh!

“The Mills of the Universe grind slowly, but they grind exceedingly small. Patience is necessary at this time.” Yep.  That’s the best they could cough up.

 In truth, I guess it might be better than “You will meet a tall dark stranger who will whisk you away to an exotic location and lay you, honey, like you ain’t never been laid before.”  

Hmm!  On the other hand…

After Chemo and Infusion, I met a friend/co-worker for late lunch today at (think fortune cookie!) afterwards I was supposed to take pictures of him and his two boys - doing what little 3 & 5 year-olds do on muggy summer days. Photos to be sent to the grandparents in Belarus. Their government won’t allow them to visit the US for fear they’ll defect, although they have a well-established, profitable business in the country.

We had just finished lunch when he received a text from his wife calling off the whole adventure.  Seems the boys came home from morning classes at the YMCA with some kind of bug. Neither was feeling well and she thought it a bad idea that I be exposed to them at this time.

She is a nurse and although I was disappointed, I appreciate her concern for my well-being. I have to wear the isolation mask often enough, I don’t want to have the annoyance of it when I’m out having a good time with a friend and his kids.

So, like the responsible adults we are, Alex and I ordered a bottle of wine and chatted for a few hours.  It was just what I needed.  A light-hearted conversation with an intelligent, non-medical-related adult who can identify with my current life. I’m a lucky man.

When I arrived home there was a small package in the mailbox - along with the bills. The return address was Ontario, Canada.  When I opened the package there was another box inside. This one gift-wrapped, but without a card.  It had been raining for some time so the outer packaging was very wet, but the inside wrapping was a mylar gift wrap so the inner box received little damage

Now, there are few people anymore who have my home, snail-mail address (aside from creditors and  hospitals, that is) so unless someone comes forward who ever sent this is a mystery.

As there was no identifying information or instructions (and my birthday is next week), I opened the package.  It’s a deck of Tarot cards. One I’ve not seen before. The deck is called “The Ancestral Path” Quite beautiful. I guess I’m becoming a Tarot Deck collector.  Suddenly, I have five decks and I treasure them all.  There will be more of this surprise later.

Back to the mundane: One new prescription was for something called “the magic mouthwash” which actually is a a few drugs suspended in liquid meant to be swished around the mouth - then swallowed. The idea is to treat the enflamed esophagus so I can eat without choking hazard. I’ve been told it tastes “really nasty” - well I’ve had worse tastes in my 67 year-old mouth, I am sure. 

It needs to be ingested at least a half-hour before eating because it numbs the mouth interior and since I’m pigging out on soup tonight, (did you read that Dr. Spo?) I hope for a smooth transition.

I’d prefer Prime Rib, but that’s out of the question for now.

For now!

And so it goes.

*

Rolling Coal, The Weekend, & Card of the Day

Hooray for me!  I saw my first “rolling coal” vehicle (which ought to be illegal) on the highway today. It was a pickup truck with a king cab packed with 5 rednecks swilling beer (which is illegal), playing  loud music, and howling. I call it "black smoke with a side of stoopid." And man, does that smoke stink.  Well, it is coal after all. No briquettes baby, this is the real deal. I can just imagine that nasty stuff ruining the engine of that nice big red truck. 

Summer traffic being what it normally is (heavy, bumper-to-bumper, etc.) on a Friday, they didn’t get their point across.  Instead of the black smoke billowing out behind them as they ripped down the highway, (see image above) they sat in traffic with hundreds of others, that black smoke belching upward (for some reason, the exhaust pipes are installed vertically) then falling and coating nearby vehicles in ashes and soot. Other drivers were not amused - especially those in convertibles. I hope that is the last of those contraptions I ever have contact with.

A reminder that a few miles to the west of here it is mostly redneck country where big confederate flags fly, high power rifles are part of fireworks displays, tiny brains abound, and common sense is in short supply.  

To read about this stuff, or to see video is one thing, but who’da thunk it I’d see the real thing on a local roadway making dreadful noise and giving free asthma attacks to anyone in the vicinity.

Then, there’s the tale of the obese, practically naked, good ‘ol boy rescued from his pontoon boat when he sliced through his penis while cutting bait for his crab traps.  Yes, he was under the influence at the time.  Like you had to ask? 

Or the little girl who went temporarily blind after sticking her face in the bowl of the (running) cotton candy machine. Of course she is fine, will probably breed and the whole scenario will be repeated in the future. Always something to look forward to...glad I won't be here.

But, these are stories for another time.   Maybe not. 

Like I say, you can’t make this stuff up.

I went to thrift stores hunting for Chef’s knives today and  found a 6” Victorinox and a 5.5” OXO. I gave them my box of kitchen things to add to their collection and they wanted to knock a few bucks off my purchase. Christ on a cracker, everything is already so inexpensive, I declined the offer. They put the money to good use helping families in need - and there are a lot of those around here. I am not that needy. 

I have (had) Victorinox knives and know they’re some of the best, but had not heard of OXO until recently, but I hear they’re good and hold an edge.  We’ll just see about that.

Oh, and apropos of nothing, here is my card of the day:

Card description: Honor. 

The symbolism is honor through the forces or accomplishments of the purity and power of spiritual undertakings. This is honor unmarred by ego, something wholly, entirely and completely outside of self. There may be an element of self-satisfaction in that one is closely allied with the source of honor, but the honor is deserved only by the selfless entity symbolized by the flowering rod. 

Note: Rod = Wand, Stave in other decks.)

Anyway, the weekend is here. No more Chemo until Monday (Yay! for me) so all my poked places have a chance to heal before the next 2 rounds.  If the sun makes an appearance, I get to take a few Dawn Patrols walks on the boards - sporting my festive new chapeau. 

And so it goes.

*

The Ultimate, Supreme, Ultimatum Kind of Day

After yesterday’s two units, four injections, three tiny tablets, and a single gel cap, it’s a wonder I had any kind of appetite left last night.  

Translation: That was 2 units of fresh blood, 1 injection of Benadryl, 1 of Lasix, 3 tiny tabs of an unpronounceable anti-nausea med, 1 gel-cap of potassium, and 2 injections of the Chemo.  I think that was the ultimate out-patient experience one could have in a single day. I was totally exhausted…

But, I did have an appetite. I had enough energy to create a stir-fry beef with veggies after the long day at the Center.  It was quite good, considering the fewer tastebuds at my disposal.

Got a call from the Locosguys last night to say how much they miss me.  Eight or nine co-workers grabbed the phone just to yell  “Hello, I miss you”.  Then a few customers got into the act, too. And, you know, as strange as it may sound, I  recognized their individual voices. I guess that’s telling about how much I miss not being there. The call had the usual effect of alternately lifting my spirits and sending me into a mild depression. OK, I’ll take both, then. Better than feeling nothing at all.

On today’s gay agenda, it was day-three for the twin Chemo injections (did you follow that?), and a shot each of Potassium and Lasix. The combination seems to be bringing down the swelling in the feet and ankles, albeit slower than I’d hoped.

The soreness and pain I felt initially is gone, (only the swelling remains) and I had wanted to take my morning walk, but the rains put a damper (ouch! sorry.) on that idea. I could swear those walks help, not aggravate the situation because I always feel better afterwards.  Oh well, maybe tomorrow. 

It was ultimately decided by the Oncologist and nursing staff that the Port-a-Cath has to go. It’s not healing and the rim is about to poke through the top layer of skin. It cannot be used for labs or infusion - the very reasons it was implanted.  So, I called the surgeon to check schedules and when she can do the

deed.  The sooner the better, from what they tell me at the Center.  However, she’s in surgery all day today, so I may not hear anything until tomorrow.

Hurry up - and wait!  Hurry up - and wait…I’m getting pretty good at this.  Think Pavlov’s dog.

A curious message from the local book store owner sent me there on the way home this afternoon.  He’d received a recently published book on Tarot, specifically the symbolism of the Rider Waite Deck. so I went to check it out.  

Titled “The Ultimate Guide to the Rider Waite Tarot” Published a few years ago in Germany, this is the first American printing. Printed on high gloss fine paper with very handsome card reproductions, it was a surprise.

The book offers in-depth explanations of each card’s tableau, as well as details for each card’s basic meaning as: spiritual experience, card of the day, prognosis, love & relationships, success & happiness. And yes, I bought it. 

And, I have a great excuse for the purchase. It will be intensive reading while in bed for hours with my feet elevated to reduce the swelling.  How’s that?  Well, that’s my story and I am sticking to it.  Though in truth, that is where I can be found most of the time. Damn it!

A Stir-fry is on the menu (again) tonight.  Shrimp this time. Light, quick protein and veggies.  Yes!  I need it. Wish I didn't have to prepare it, but I am hungry.  Always a good thing.

Uh-oh! The new hat has just arrived via Fed-Ex. I am afraid to open the package.  Maybe tomorrow I'll muster up the courage to open it.  But, no promises on that.  It depends on how sunny the day will be.  And all that.  If it's sunny and I need it for a walk, I guess I'll have to go with it, won't I?

Oh, for pete's sake.  It's a hat.  Take it out, wear it, enjoy it. It is who I am now. It is what it is.  I must keep repeating this to myself over and over, until I believe it and totally buy into it.  May take a while.

And so it goes.

*

Inevitable Invasion and Random Thoughts

Bracing for the human tsunami about to hit our little beach town, especially after such a harsh winter.

If there was any doubt that this weekend is the kickoff to the summer of 2014, the traffic (even in the heavy downpours) clogging the major roadways is a quick reminder.  Some have even found our more convenient backroads and have invaded those, as well. Some are never satisfied!

The outlet centers are packed - there is even a line of cars waiting for parking spaces.  Honest to the Goddess, it’s true. Parking lots of markets and (of course) liquor stores are full, too.

They began arriving en masse yesterday as I made my way home from the Center where - after the blood work - I was told I didn’t need to be transfused this week.  Yay!  One week without a poke in the chest suits me just fine. 

As I left the center the traffic was already backed up on the major Ocean highway, as well as the arteries feeding into it from Virginia, Maryland & DC. The Ocean Highway is the more direct and major route for folks coming from New Jersey and Pennsylvania. I live less then 3 miles from the center and it took me a half hour to get back into town. 

There was no way I was going to fight the hordes for parking anywhere just to pick up a few things that were on sale that I need. I saved that for this morning at 6 am while the tourists were still snuggled in their beds, or passed out from a night of festive pre-holiday partying. Take your pick. It was smooth sailing.  I am home now for the duration, unless I have the energy to take a walk to Dos Locos (if the rain disappears) for a bit of lunch and a cocktail. We shall see.

I noticed this morning that my spathiphyllum (peace lily) plant is delivering 2

new blossoms to me this week.  It’s always a joy when that happens.  The plants seem to have a mind of their own and send out flowers whenever they damned well please.  Fine with me. I love when they choose to surprise me.

Every day this week my tarot card of the day has been from the minor arcana of Coins (Pentacles) and they are all cards that have shown up before, but in no particular order. The cards, so far, have all been of a positive nature, giving me lots of think about. Especially financials and talent-wise.

I read this morning that at least 2 states are so determined to kill death row inmates that, since the lethal injection drugs are banned now, they want to bring back the electric chair (yes, old sparky!) and even Firing Squads.  This is what a civilized society of the 21st century looks like, class. (shakes head in disbelief)

The neighbors (the pizza-loving, heavy smoking, partiers) have successfully killed off some beautiful hanging baskets of flowers they purchased for their porch.  Very festive, cheerful, and colorful - begonias, bleeding hearts, geraniums, and many others.  They didn't die from second-hand smoke, but for lack of water. You know, these folks are on their porch about every hour throughout the day puffing on cigarettes, you’d think they might notice a wilting flower pot and maybe bring out a pitcher of water once it a while….but no. Not on their selfish radar. It broke my heart to see the baskets in the trash. Idiots!

My fave online eyeglass company is having a 15% off sale this weekend, so I ordered another 2 pair - one bifocals and one computer distance. I’m forever annoyed that the computer glasses are always in the wrong room when I need them, so now I will have another pair. And one can never have too many pairs of bifocals. Especially at such prices.

With my new and improved appetite I’ve chosen to celebrate the holiday weekend with some barbecue ribs, and fresh white, silver queen corn on the cob from the local farmer’s market. Yes, it’s just me, but one of my fave summer foods happens to be fresh corn on the cob.  Reminds me of my childhood - crawfish, corn on the cob, crackers and ice cold beer. Yum.

No crawfish or crackers (dammit!), but I will enjoy the ribs and an ice cold beer.  So, there.

Have a safe weekend, y’all. Forget zombies, they’re no match for the crazies on the roads.

And so it goes.

*

Side Effects, Stupidity, and Sarcasm

Suffered severe side effects with the Augmentin on the third dose. Knew immediately it was the culprit. Informed the doctor’s office who called Walmart Pharmacy. Couldn’t figure out their reasoning, until they told me that Rite-Aid wouldn’t have the drug  until Monday or Tuesday.  Wow! That’s some reliable pharmacy, don’t you think?

Crawled out of bed, dressed, and made the drive to that dreaded retailer keeping the mask on - the place is always crawling with kids and other filthy things - and got in line for pickup. As I got to the window, the obese cherub (body of a mastodon - face of an angel) behind the counter glanced at the hospital bracelet, then to the mask and asked - “Are you sick, or somethin'?”

There was a sudden hush on the line. I was still queasy and weak, having puked my guts up all night and I just stared at her for a minute hoping to get some hint that she was making a funny of sorts.  She wasn’t. When her gum popped in my face I found my anger bubbling, and said quietly and darkly as possibly, “no, it’s my kinky habit to wear an isolation mask, stagger into pharmacies and taunt stupid people like you.” 

She wasn’t too happy with that and unfortunately replied,  “well, I was only asking.” At that, the older gentleman behind me suggested quite loudly that she would be of better use in the toy department. An associate (who had heard the whole thing) came up and swiftly took over her station, sending her far, far away. 

The gentleman behind me said something about how much he hated having to use this pharmacy. The new associate sniffed, “well, why DO you, then.” Without missing a beat, the gentleman spat out, “because I think that woman’s twin works in my doctor’s office and called the prescription in here by mistake.”  That got a chuckle from others in line, making me wonder just how many were there for the same or similar reasons and not because they wanted to be there. 

Finally, with new drug in my hot little hands, I got back to the car and drove home as fast as possible. A cold sweat hit me as I got in, so I fell into the bed and covered up.  Woke up a half hour later feeling that vile nausea again. 

Waited to take the new med at the same time as others (I’ve already got three kitchen timers going!), brushed teeth and went back to bed. No appetite, so no food. I managed to get an Ensure to stay down; ; that was all I could handle.

Woke up when the alarm went off to take the Danazol at noon.  Made it to the kitchen, downed the med with a 10 oz. glass of water and crawled back into bed. Drifted in and out of uneasy sleep. 

Woke at the sound of the alarm again at 8 pm, took the Danazol and had another Ensure.  Back to bed again sleeping fitfully until this morning at 3 am. 

Started this day with a small bowl of cereal followed by Danazol (and the other dailies) at 4 am. Took note that there were no new side effects from the replacement drug - thanks to the green Goddess.

Currently doing everything in my power to stay out of bed.  A hot shower and shave top my gay agenda today. I feel dirty - probably because I exposed myself to Walmart - and I think a change of bed linens are in order, too.  For that, I need to store up some real energy.  That chore alone could take a half hour to an hour to accomplish and leave me spent.

Ain’t life grand, huh?

Day's Tarot card insists that I am up to meeting anything that comes my way today.  May it be so.

And so it goes.

First Look: New Tarot Deck

The Visconti - Sforza or The Golden Tarot

A Sample: The Pope = Il Papa  (Hierophant)

The Enclosed Guide Description:
In real life, the Pope possesses the right to crown the Emperor, and his position in the Trump story appropriately places him above the other rulers.
The Pope’s right hand is raised in a sign of benediction, and in his left hand, he holds the papal cross. He wears the three-tiered crown that symbolizes papal authority and represents the unity of mind, body, and spirit. His white beard is an archetype for wisdom, while his white tunic represents purity of the soul.
Together, the robe, crown, and cross stand for ceremony and ritual, imparting historical significance and gravitas dot his bearing. In spite of the Pope’s lofty title, all power is temporal, symbolized by the Pope’s position within the Trumps.

A Sample:  Death = La Morte

Guide Description:
This eerily animated skeleton is the starring figure in an allegorical work of art called the Dance of Death, created in response to a plague that decimated the population in the fourteenth century.
Death holds a bow in its left hand and an arrow in its right. Its piercing eyes stare menacingly out of deep, shadowed eye sockets.
We have seen that Strength, having triumphed over unrestrained ambition, has been trumped by the pain and suffering of the Hanged Man, and now, by Death.
It is no coincidence that Death's rank in the Tarot deck is the unlucky thirteen. But it's obvious from Death's position in this allegory that all is not lost: there are many more trump cards left in the deck.

This deck is a marvelous treasure and worth the wait of so many years. There is much pleasure to be had and much to learn about this new (old) deck. I look forward to spending lots of time in its company.  And, oh my, the cards are very large. Yes, even for my notoriously large hands.

More later.
*

New Tarot, New Desk, & Old Dragons.

Oh My!  The new Tarot deck arrived today. And it is magnificent! A nicely packaged kit and a deck I am anxious to learn - without benefit of the study guide. Well, it's not like I have a shortage of time on my hands,  now is it??? Quality of that time and the ability to concentrate are a whole 'nother story. 

The tax refunds have been deposited and I have decided to treat myself to a

personal luxury before the money goes to anything else. A new computer desk with stacked storage and of simple design. Spent the morning searching furniture, office, and computer accessory sites, including Overstock, Staples, and Amazon.  Narrowed the field to three options considering the floor space available, work space needed, and in the price range I gave myself.  I wanted something utilitarian, as well as light and airy.  No heavy, dark wood.  Life can be dark and heavy enough. Something of glass and metal with lots of room, shelf space, and storage options.

I found the right piece at Amazon, and with Amazon Prime shipping is free. The desk will require assembly, and will be delivered on Tuesday. Linda (the wee Irish Lass and GM at DL) has offered to assemble it for me. Since the delivery folks are not likely to bring the package up the stairs and into the apartment, Linda will pop over from the restaurant to help me bring it up in case of bad weather. I am excited about this purchase. I haven't had a real desk/workstation since my last house back in 2006. Yes, I think I deserve this one, big time! The desk looks small, but isn't. The two units measure 60" wide and the desk measures 24" deep.  Plenty of room for my work needs. In my space, the units will be reversed. The storage shelves will be on the right, next to the outside wall, but...never mind.

My supper this evening will be a recipe posted by Peter (the dear) at TIPPIN' THE SCALES. It required a bit of tweaking, since I'm only one person and a few ingredients didn't jibe with the cooking instructions, but no matter. It's going to be wonderful. Only missing one ingredient, the fresh bell pepper.  (Since I'm not allowed to eat raw veggies anymore, I had to purchase one for this dish.)  All else is on hand.  I'm in the mood for a rich stir-fry and this recipe certainly fills that bill.  

I finished reading Herman Hesse's Siddhartha last night. The story still grabs me in all the appropriate places in my life.  It was a quicker read than I remembered it, but this being a new translation may have made the difference.  Still, powerful and worth the read.

I happen to be on the email list of something called "Book Bub" which offers daily specials on ebooks for Kindle, Apple and others at really low prices. Sometimes, even free. I've made many purchases from the site - all downloaded directly to the Kindle, or, nowadays, the Nexus 7 - in a few minutes. 

Most of the books are new or newer releases, but sometimes they offer older gems, again for free or deeply discounted. Many are available as ebooks for the first time and when I find one read previously in book form and would like to read it again, I download it to the reader, or store it in the Cloud (I love typing that!) for enjoying at a later date. 

You may want to check them out. Google Book Bub and sign up if you're interested. You never know what treasures will be included in the mailings. 

Among the offerings this weekend was one such golden oldie trilogy. (Yes, these are "limited time only" sales) It's Anne McCaffrey's "The Dragonriders of Pern" - includes all three books in the original series and all for under two-bucks! How fast can you say "download" class? She wrote more in the series as time went by, but the original trilogy is about 40 years old.  I am looking forward to reading them again. Here's a screen-grab from the email. (click to embiggen)

While I was out picking just the right bell pepper, I picked up a larger pot for the little European Cypress tree. It must like its home, because it has grown, not so much UP as OUT, it's pot-bound, and it's only been living here for 3 months.  So, before I begin making the stir-fry, I will get the transplanting out of the way. I don't want the little darling to go and die on me. 

I don't know where this excess energy is coming from, but I welcome it anytime, anywhere. Feeling like death warmed over isn't great. I'll take this for as long as it lasts. 

And so it goes.

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Health, History and a Solved Mystery

I feel like I'm treading on eggshells here. This is day two without pain, vertigo, or shortness of breath. Granted, I ain't pushing the envelope here, either. My butt was sore from lying in bed so much (now you know I am feeling better!) so I tried to make myself useful today. Sorting medical bills wasn't the greatest of challenges, but it was a beginning. 

I felt well enough to actually do something fun for a change.  I baked a loaf of bread from an old recipe given to me many years ago.  It turned out well, even better than I remember it. So now, since I can't do any hand-kneading with the arthritic hands, I'll just keep the bread machine in the cabinet for these little delights.

It's a beer, bacon, and green onion loaf; perfect with an evening meal or as a mid-day lunch, toasted and topped with pulled chicken or pork. I enjoyed a buttered slice with my supper tonight of beef tips, gravy and egg noodles. Delicious.

As mentioned in the past, I'm a Tarot devotee, introduced to the cards in my teens before getting more involved in my late 20's. I have 3 personal decks that I consult regularly - one being the slightly over-sized Crowley - Thoth deck  - and the favorite being the Paladin Aquarian Deck designed and issued in 1970. It's a beautiful deck and I get great joy in examining the images on each card. 

And, as most Tarot geeks, I also point to the great old standard, the Rider - Waite deck that offers much detail, sometimes more than necessary, that always has a sobering, grounding effect, at least on me.

OK, so where am I going with this?  Well, I'll tell you. 

Back when I was in film school at NYU, I met a Frenchman who worked on a few student films with me, loved that I was from New Orleans, and proud that some of my family hailed from his region of France,  Alsace Lorraine. We became friendly, meeting for greasy burgers and pints of dark draft beer at the Dugout on Bleecker Street at least once a week.

Now this was the 1970s and the Tarot was experiencing a resurgence in popularity in the US, especially at university. Jacques was a long-time reader and loved to talk about the old European customs for readings and the different decks that were used in various regions and countries. 

The cards of his deck of choice, battered and frayed at the edges as they were, contained no writing, numbering, or labels.  The cards were elongated and the images were taken from Icons mostly from western European countries, I guessed, fused into the most beautiful deck I had ever seen.  Of course, I couldn't imagine cards without identifying markings, but Jacques was an old hand at Tarot from a very early age.  He even took the larger size of the cards in stride. They were about the width of a regular deck, but about 6 or 7 inches tall.  Didn't bother him.  He used the tools he was given. 

Anyway, when finished his time at NYU and before returning to France, I asked if he would send me a deck like his.  He wasn't sure he could find one, but promised that he would, if he did. Well, he didn't. Seems there was no change in Tarot popularity in Europe as in the US, and over the years, we lost touch.  

However, I never forgot those cards the images, and how he interpreted them.  Though I've searched and searched until the Google almost screamed with pain, I was never able to find the deck. There was no formal name  - after all these years - to apply to a search, so it was a blind, only occasional foray into the Tarot unknown that ultimately turned up this. Yes, Today!

click to embiggen

It has a name.  The Golden Tarot, or the Sforza/Visconti Tarot, from the 15th century and it's almost as I remember it.  Is that strange, or what?  This deck comes as a kit, complete with a reading spread cloth and history book of the deck.

It made me wonder about Jacques: is he still living? - did he have a good life? - did he pursue film work in France? Funny how life seems to throw things at you when you least expect them, but feel the need for them most. Yes, the deck has been ordered and ought to be in my hot little hands in about a week.  I can hardly wait.

I wonder what it will feel like and what I ought to expect, if anything.  Well, I will certainly expect to remember Jacques, The Dugout, and late night readings over burgers and beer steins, that's for sure.

And so it goes.

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Insistent Card of the Day.

No matter how I shuffle and cut the deck, this card has come up 3 days in a row.  This morning it finally got my full attention. I get it now. I'm a little slow these days. 

The figure with back turned seems to be mourning 3 cups that have spilled their contents, unaware of the 2 cups behind that may still be full or at least can be filled. To turn toward the remaining cups and be concerned with the future instead of the past.

A transition. When something new is beginning let go of the past, we cannot change it, anyway.

Sums up the struggles of the past 5 days pretty well. 

Card of the month - February 2014

I ought to have seen this coming from the trials encountered already and stumbling blocks put in place to block progress. Energy is needed in great quantities this month, to be sure.

And so it goes.
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Card of the Month, January 2014

The card fairly jumped at me, fell into my lap, then to the floor.  I do believe it is demanding attention, not requesting it.

Difficult month ahead of (hopefully) getting answers regarding health issues and the roads forward.

More later.
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It's in the Cards

It's in there - somewhere.  I'm not sure what's going on, but the

Tarot card of the day turned out to be the same card two-days-in-a-row.  That has never happened before. And what a card it is, too. The King of Wands. 

Coincidence? Each morning the deck is shuffled and cut three times, and still this happened.

I have been a closet Tarot person for over 30 years. It was perfectly acceptable in the 70s then fell out of favor in the 90s.  I only went more public recently as I learned a few friends and blogger buddies were also interested in the arts. 

In all those years a card has occasionally popped up more than once in given a month, but never twice in a row, or even in the same week.  

I know there are fires to survive, doors to choose and walk through, radical changes ahead - physical, financial, and emotional - so I need to pay more attention; focus on what's to come. Easier said than done when three different diagnoses are being considered and juggled before me. A challenge.

It looks like 2014 is going to be an interesting learning experience.

More later.

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December's Tarot Card

As November's card warned, it was a month of frustrations, irritations, and unfinished business; medically and financially. A few cards showed up more than once as daily cards, (i.e. The Tower & Knight of Swords) insisting there was much left undone.  Like I needed the reminder?!?

December's card gives me renewed hope to deal with what may be coming as early as next week. An overview:  Being engaged and assertive, those unresolved issues may begin to fall into place.  Now, if I am alert enough to detect, and in some cases, deflect when necessary, I will be better for it.

Many changes ahead. 

More later.

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November's Tarot Card

This should keep my head spinning for a while.  As if my life wasn't already more than a little   overwhelmed.

More later.
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