Home, Hospice, More Updates and Revisionist History

There are these little tidbits I’d like to share, or at least pass along. Warning: May be long for some readers.

My apologies for not answering comments or reading the blogs of others, but dope and high fevers will do that to you, if you get my drift. It didn’t seem that my comments were required at the time. As time goes on and my life (hopefully) begins to stabilize I can find a remedy for that omission.

Just as the Flu was making like Sherman in its relentless march through my body to the sea, two new things popped up (no pun intended); glands in my neck and throat began to swell to the size of large duck eggs. Suddenly I couldn’t move my mouth and the jaws wouldn’t cooperate. The mouth felt as if I were chewing on razor blades, all tiny cuts therein, so sipping anything other than water was a no-no. Another IV antibiotic was called in for that one - took 5 days before jaws would move so I could eat solid foods again.

I lived on water, Ensure, Magic Cup, and ice cream. Even cooked fruit caused the glands to react and stung my mouth like hell.

As the neck glandular swelling receded a new pain and swelling in my groin appeared. Ultrasounds, and x-rays later discovered that I have a hernia - again swells to the size of an egg. Have to wear a special belt whenever I am sitting or standing.  The egg disappears into the intestines when lying down and there is no pain. Tempting, but I can’t allow myself to buy into that scenario. I need to regain my strength. 

The Site Meter visit counter died suddenly last December and the replacement is one of those free things that counts every hit, not only  the extended visits.  So, just know that I am not so popular as it may appear.  But you knew that already.

I have to work on the info for the Funeral Home (payment in advance, no kidding) for the what will be done with my remains and the info for the death certificate as well as any obituary I may want to have published.  Yes, all paid for in advance. I guess to prove in some bizarre way that I am not play-acting and this is the real thing.

And speaking of Obituaries - or as in this funny but sad case a pre-obituary - there is THIS revision of history I stumbled upon this morning and haven’t decided just how sick, sad, poorly thought out and written, and over the top it really is. I’ve never read a pseudo-obituary. That said, especially where the writer gives themselves more ink than the supposed subject of the piece. This from a person who lives in the past, loves to play the put-upon misunderstood martyr in all situations. 

In any event, he becomes the larger-than-life martyr with each retelling of this tale (it’s been reincarnated a few times on his blog) because well, it’s all about him, after all. I guess I ought to be angry, but at this stage what’s the point. That would take more energy than being sad for the man, which is more than he deserves. 

At this time when my health is fragile I prefer people in my life who love, respect, and care about me. Unfortunately, this person isn’t one of them. 

Anyone involved in the retelling of this sordid, long-forgotten anecdote (supposedly about the subject of the obit although any connection is a vague stretch, indeed) is either long gone or have long ago forgotten the original childish situation.

Anyway, it could be your laugh of the day.  Your choice.

My walking stick has arrived just in time for my release from hospital. The one I really had my eye on was made in Ireland out of traditional Black Thorn, was a bit expensive and would take 4 to 6 weeks before being dispatched. Of course, I couldn't wait that long, so this one will do me well. In three sections it is quite sturdy and a full 55’ tall when screwed together. It comes with a canvas bag and collapses to 18” sections.  I love the thing. As I said in an earlier post, I didn’t want a traditional cane, but rather a hiking/walking stick for more stability and security. And here it is.

Meals on Wheels will be set up tomorrow or next day helping to provide 1 to 3 meals daily, and the weather is supposed to warm up by week’s end. After being in a germ-infested, temperature-controlled environment for so long it’s taking me a while to get used to real fresh air and the cold temperatures. Truth be told, it’s in the 40s but very cold to my tired emaciated old body.

Every hour I push myself a little harder, a little farther from my comfortable cocoon to do more for myself once again. That under the care of Hospice I get to self medicate is a luxury beyond measure. No more having to wait an additional 3 hours before the hospital computer tells me I can have pain med is a boon to me and all mankind. I don't abuse the privilege, but it's nice to know it's there. 

I just read that Hospice will provide Oxygen if needed, as well as one of those emergency medical alert systems (like that annoying “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” thing) so I’ll find out more in the coming week as I get settled in to this new living situation.

Just as I wrote that last bit a phone call came in from Hospice - it was a daily check-in to find out if all was well or if anything was needed. 

The fact that I need someone to shave my head (after 2 months it’s very scary) was not included in their offer of aid.  The last time I shaved was before the shoulder dislocation, when I was able to lift my arm above my head…not any more. I’ll have to figure out something else, is all.

Hell, I’m amazed I’m still here and back at my own place, for however long I’ve got.

If all goes well and my strength improves I will be having a lunch of Fish and Chips with a pint of Newcastle Brown Ale with Linda and Jeffrey tomorrow. To say I’m looking forward to the outing would be an understatement. 

“Do what’s necessary, then do what’s possible, and suddenly you find you’re doing the impossible.” Anonymous

Still Amazed.

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Just a Thought: A Stagnant Truth.

How far does loyalty and American Patriotism take you when a young, supposedly heterosexual soldier is ordered to rape (FUCK) anally abuse teenage boys?  Forget whether the acts were performed in front of family members, or not. It’s the very act that matters.

Just following orders! (?) Foul, evil, conniving, self-righteous.  Humans enjoy nothing more than the act of harming other humans

Does it take this sick behavior to finally stop you in your tracks to say, “this, my entire way of life, has been a vast red-white-blue lie.”?  Does it?  Even a little bit? No wonder more and more of our soldiers and hurting. There are secrets to keep, they bought into the lie, too.

Yes, by all means, let’s offer a free ride and safe passage to George Bush and Dick Cheney, but do everything possible to draw-and-quarter the likes of Edward Snowden for drawing attention to their crimes, and others.

All humans are truly pathetic, dangerous creatures. We’d rather harm others who suffered as we have, than to banish that suffering and those who ordered it in the first place.

I am sick.

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I Remember These Things

First a note to readers: If a paragraph makes no sense in any post, please be advised that Blogger did (and does) re-arrange words in an arbitrary manner.  Usually in a sentence where an image has been inserted.  I don’t know why this matters, I just know it’s true.  I didn’t realize this was happening until I was proofing a few posts online recently. From now on, after posting, I will re-read it online and attempt to correct what Blogger has messed with. Sorry for any inconvenience to your brain.

I Remember These Things.

I remember the time before Black Friday. It was a 4-day weekend usually spent visiting friends and family all the while eating more turkey than you would in the next 11 months.

I remember when there was NO sunday shopping. (In NOLA,  grocery stores were open, liquor was available 24/7 and pharmacies were open. However, back then they sold only pharmaceuticals - no toys, groceries, or any non-health related items.)

I remember when you couldn’t find products from certain manufacturers at competitive prices, no matter how hard you tried,  more than a few cents either way. I speak of price fixing by companies like Panasonic and Sony, which was finally addressed in the late 1970s. Though they were hit with huge fines the end result is that consumers lost out, as usual. 

I can remember walking into a store looking for an item and if you didn’t see what you needed, there was always more in the “back” stock room and employees knew where to find it.  It was called service back then...

I remember great customer service and care, even being on a first name basis with sales staff.  Not anymore.

If retailers wonder why the internet has taken over as King and Queen of retail, they can look at themselves, their greed, treatment of employees, and lack of care for the customer base. People eventually get tired of being treated badly or abused. Really, they do. Then they vote with their feet and wallets.

For the most part, we went elsewhere. When you get better service from a small online retailer than a big name store you’ve been shopping for years, it’s time to move on. No customer service or support to speak of? Why wait in long lines to get a problem fixed? Go elsewhere. All fixed usually with a few clicks in minutes or with a quick email.  At least that’s my experience.

A far cry from the older model of holiday shopping.

I am still amazed.

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Full Of … Surprises

It’s cold, raining, raw, getting colder - chance of snow/sleet/freezing rain tonight into tomorrow and I am one exhausted Big Cat!

Surprises:

1. Heavy rains began overnight waking me shortly after midnight.  I’ve been awake ever since. The high winds and rain have continued all day.

2. There’s a new Hematologist on my case at the center as of today. He seems more familiar with it than even the oncologists on staff.

3. Labs showed the hemoglobin numbers to be in the basement again so two units of blood were ordered - for today.  

4. With the holiday tomorrow infusion had to be done right away. Couldn’t wait, but I had to. It can take hours to type and cross match for my infusions and today was no exception.

5. Eight hours in the infusion chair alternately waiting for the blood product to arrive or being infused.

6. Arrived home to find a message from the new Hematologist asking that I call Friday to schedule an consult with him.  Seems he has an idea for a new form of treatment. Oh yes, something new. If I have the transportation, that is.

So there you have it. I had a grand list of errands to run today - thinking that the Lab results would be just fine and no transfusions necessary.  I felt fine and looked good, too.  That’s what everyone said.

So, no dry cleaners, grocery shopping, credit union (for quick cash), no quiet lunch at a nice little restaurant, and no new flannel shirts. We did manage to get to the pharmacy to pick up the waiting scripts, but that was it for the entire day.

Now I am exhausted, sore, with swollen, painful legs and nothing in my stomach all day but a bag of gold fish, a bagel, lots of ice water, and 2 cups of coffee. Jeffrey made a stop to pick up some prepared fried chicken for my supper.  Turns out the chicken is inedible. Dry and tasteless.  A cold turkey sandwich is on the menu tonight - if I have the energy to make it.

I don’t know what is the more uncomfortable; the suppressed anger, the sore butt and fatigue from the infusion chair, the wasted day, or the fact that it will be next week before I get out to try again.

With the winter weather slowly creeping into the area, those outings will be much reduced or non-existent in the weeks leading up to the end of year holidays. And once again I’ll be a prisoner in my own apartment.

The one bit of really good news came from Linda today. She got the all clear from the Irish doctors and she’s coming home tomorrow.  We are all very relieved by this news. It certainly ends the day on a high note.

I am amazed

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Wildlife in the Snow. Rare!

And very very stoopid!

A Bear in Buffalo, New York caught doing what the non-hibernating side of the species do during a snowstorm that will eventually  dump 9 inches of lake-effect snow on the area.

***Courtesy of the Daily Mail, UK. Seems readers of the paper would love nothing more than for this nightmare to fall upon them.  Careful what you wish for.

You can’t make this up.

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Star Wars Caturday

More later.
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Uncooperative Blogger

It’s seems as though Blogger has been hitting my drug stash lately.  My posts are not being published when I send them, but languishing somewhere in the  digital ether for Blogger’s own convenience. I didn't post on Sunday.

For a while now the comments of certain bloggers have not been deposited in my email box, but stored directly in the Blogger Folder, making it a chore to discover, moderate, and post all relevant comments from all readers. 

Sorry for any chronological confusion this may have caused. I may try “timing” or scheduling posts for a while. Also, if this craziness continues I may turn off moderation and let the chips fall where they may. 

The few SPAM messages that get through are hardly worth the effort. Most of the stoopid comments are posted  anonymously and refer to the BP oil spill, the Katrina Aftermath (which I wouldn’t let go of) or aimed at my political views.  I wanted to spare readers the poorly written comments from the “friends of Jesus”, but I don’t think it’s worth it anymore.

There’s gonna be some changes made!  Just to reiterate; I didn’t post anything on Sunday…so confusing.

Anyway.  Today is Monday and I am feeling a little better than yesterday. A shut-in all day, I received texts from the UK and Ireland checking in and checking up on me.

It was also a day for receiving personal notes and letters from concerned readers and friends.  Most thoughtful and thought-provoking, indeed. It was somewhat surprising to learn that those folks cared about me. 

So, I spent the day doing research and hunting down info that a layman could understand on certain topics that have always held an interest for me.  Then when my head was about to explode I would lie down and read something for fun, have a bite to eat, or nap. (I enjoyed the remaining half of the crab quesadilla leftover from Saturday evening) 

The good Dr. Spo came through with my Halloween reading, which was quite positive considering, more than I expected and most welcome.  By sheer coincidence, one of the cards in his reading turned out to be the card of the day for today. 

All in all, Sunday was a good day to be a shut-in.

I feel more energetic today, but then I’m not doing much of anything either. Very little pain to speak of so far, balance seems better, so I’m just following the routine. Maybe tomorrow I’ll get someone to take me out for a short time - maybe a short walk on the boardwalk, or just around the block here - start small.

I am amazed.

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The Post-Election Blues

Seems everybody’s got ‘em.  My mailbox has been crammed with whiney, sniveling messages from Liberal and Democratic groups about this being the end of the world now that the obstructionist Stoopids are back in control.

Two things here:

1.  It will take them less than the next 2 years to fuck up everything that has been good and positive for the country.

2.  Where were these pundits and consultants when Nate Silver warned of this happening as early as a year ago?  (click image to embiggen!)  No one chose to believe him, though his record speaks for itself.  He’s not an “I told you so” kind of guy.  He just does what he does best - numbers - and the powers that be chose to ignore him.  And, at their (our) own peril. 

Ah, and number 3:  Get ready for another war. One doesn’t need to watch TV to see that’s high on their agenda.

When I saw the crowds at the polls on election day I was alternately happy and worried; an off-year election after all and we didn’t have too much brewing in the pot this time.  I wasn’t surprised at the outcome. 

OK, Here’s the deal.  This election disaster is over.  Flush the fucking Pity-Potty and move on.  After a half century of activism I am most tired of saying this, but there is more work to do than ever. And, it is in our own party. It’s time to get fearless and fierce with those applying for elected office. 

If we don’t. If we choose to let it go and let others do it, well, we’re going to have to live in the world THEY decide we should live in.

Do you want that?  Think hard.  If not, then get your ass, head, and mouth motivated and move on. There is little time before the 2016 con-game bullshit begins to hit the fan.

If you’re miserable you have yourself to blame, if you’re into that sort of thing. So, STFU!!! Cut out the crying, whining, and hand-wringing - IT’S OVER - - FOR NOW!

Help me down off this soapbox.

More later.

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Today’s Tarot Nudge

Another Challenge. Facing it. This card has come up often in the year since the diagnosis. Always a tough call.

Don’t know if I’ve strength enough right now. There it is, whatever choice I make.

Amazing.

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Vandals, Vitals, and The Boogie Man

Vandals set off the fire alarm on the floor making the scene look like something from a Three Stooges movie.

An elderly patient died a little while ago, sending the already over-wrought nursing staff caring for her into a tailspin. My room could have used a couple of bottles of wine to help deal with the pain. I don’t know the person, those who did loved her to death.  Literally.

Ron (Retired in Delaware) paid a visit having read yesterday’s post he thought it was safe and I’d not be groggy or asleep. He was right. That didn’t happen until later in the afternoon.  My own fault. I tried to do too much in one day.  Pain meds helped take the edge off in the afternoon and evening.

Linda brought Chinese food for lunch as we scanned the papers for year-round apartment rental ads.  Making phone calls between bites quickly became tedious, so we settled on eating first before returning to the search.

Apartment hunting eventually took me to Craigslist where I found 3 possibilities. Having never been to the list, it took a while to navigate the site and learn the shortcuts.  Still not sure I know many of them, it is a strange place, indeed.

Three days to go on antibiotics, the pneumonia should be pretty much gone and I ought to be free to go - if my blood numbers keep up to speed.  Trouble is, no where to go - yet. Back on oxygen to further clear up the crackles in the lungs and am now using a new device that looks like something between a bong and a killing tool from Star Wars. It is supposed to strengthen the lung capacity.

Took another walk this morning and the thing must be working because I wasn’t short of breath or dizzy when I returned to the room. Oxygen level remained at 96%, so I guess I’m doing something right. 

All things considered, it’s a pleasure being in a place where every waking moment isn’t devoted to hyperventilating about the Ebola scare. From what I’ve read, not much I’l grant you, this is being hyped just like the H2N1 virus was a few years ago. No one seems to be as terrified as the media would like us to believe.

One can read 3 different news sites and come away with three different story lines.Nothing seems to be focused or presented without some mild hysteria.  Yeez! 

Reality, people.  Reality.

And so it goes.

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Spiteful Caturday

Hrumph!

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Just a Thought: Taliban

ORIGINAL CAPTIONED PHOTO REMOVED

The quote attributed to Reagan was in fact, true: "These Gentlemen are the moral equivalent of the founding fathers."   It's just wasn't made about the Taliban.

Sorry for the misinformation.  Thanks to Buckeyein Richmond for setting me straight. When I checked this out I didn't go deep enough and for that I am sorry. Close, but no cigar.

Here is the best explanation I could find to bring it all together. from Business Insider:

As the public debates some of the more controversial ways the US deals with foreign policy and safety, it's prudent to remember some of the less than fruitful foreign policy items where America invested its time and money. 

This photograph is from 1983, when Reagan and the CIA were dancing around the idea of arming Mujahadin fighters in order to fight back against Soviet incursion in Afghanistan. The result was a well-armed, well-trained group of jihadis who resisted (some say defeated) the onslaught of superior Soviet weaponry. 

Once the Soviets retreated, the U.S. lost interest and pulled the funding. Osama bin Laden took interest, and filled the vacuum, later fathering the Taliban. 

The rest, as they say, is history. 

Often erroneously paired with this photo is a Reagan quote, "These gentlemen are the moral equivalent of the founding fathers." 

Reagan was in fact referring to Nicaraguan fighters and another initiative to arm them, this time against the U.S.'s own treaties. 

We all know how that worked out as well.

Whomever Ronnie was referring to were certainly not at all like the founding fathers of these United States.

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Just a Thought: Choose

Nope.  Think I'll pass.
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Just a Thought: Punishment

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Just a Thought: Texting

I'd love to see this happen, just once.
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Headline of the Day

Stop laughing...This is serious stuff!  From Talking Points Memo:

Palin Clan Reportedly Involved In Epic 'Dog Pile' Fistfight At Snowmobile Party

Click the headline to read the whole story. Of course, Caribou Barbie is saying she wasn't even there, but traveling.  Uh - huh!

And so it goes.

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'Internet Slowdown' is Coming

This goes down tomorrow. You are hereby warned.

Top websites partaking in September 10 day of action in support of net neutrality. From Common Dreams:

Calling attention to the widespread disruption that will occur if Internet 'fast lanes' become the norm for wealthy websites, grassroots groups have organized a widespread Internet Slowdown Day on Wednesday to voice their support for net neutrality. 

A number of the Internet's largest companies including Etsy, Kickstarter, Mozilla, reddit, Foursquare, Vimeo, and Wordpress have announced that they will also join in the September 10th action by displaying an alert with a symbolic "spinning wheel of death" loading symbol and pushing individuals to submit comments to the Federal Communications Commission, Congress and the White House.
"As that wheel spins, the rules about how the Internet works are being redrawn," Amy Goodman wrote this week.
As Goodman explains, large Internet service providers, or ISPs— such as Comcast, Time Warner, AT&T and Verizon— are "trying to change the rules that govern your online life," by creating a two-tiered Internet where certain content providers will pay to get preferred access on an Internet "fast lane."
Current FCC chairman Tom Wheeler is currently weighing a new classification for the Internet that could be a "huge boon" for big cable companies, according to protest organizers Fight for the Future. Those participating are calling on Wheeler and the federal government to protect Internet democracy and reclassify the web as a telecommunications service under Title II of the Telecommunications Act, which will mandate that ISPs deliver all content at equal speeds.
The FCC is expected to issue a final rule as soon as the end of the year.

Feel free to pass this on, or at least the above link to the original story at Common Dreams.

And so it goes.
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Good Humor, Finding Chemo

 A drizzling rain met me as I made my way to the car for the trip to the Cancer Center for the first of seven Chemo injections this afternoon.  These seven are the fourth and final cycle for this drug and what happens after this is anybody’s guess.

It was raining just enough to make the roadways slippery to the unsuspecting, unaware driver and as I entered the coastal highway from the city a Rover on my left decided she had to be in front of this line of incoming traffic, so she gunned it and as the traffic light at the next intersection changed -idiot that she is - tried to stop. She couldn’t.

Maybe afraid of getting a ticket for running a light, or sheer panic, she slammed on her brakes and the rover did a triple pirouette (fortunately not turning over) and coming to a stop across 2 lanes and facing oncoming traffic.  There was, however, no applause.

I slowed down and stayed in the farthest right lane and got out of there as fast as the 4 cylinders could go. I was not going to wait around for the ending of this unnecessary madness. I will never understand why drivers do the stoopid things they do.

Without delay I arrived at the center and the Labs were done almost immediately. I took the pre-meds and waited for the lab results. Meanwhile the Chemo cocktail was being mixed and I got to relax as the pre-meds took hold.

The CBC wasn’t good, although the white count is good. Everything else is low.  I’m scheduled for one unit of whole blood tomorrow morning.  Why not 2, I asked. The doctor is concerned about the iron level already in my body and wants to maintain levels just where I am over the basic limits and keep me there until the Chemo does its thing…or not.

While awaiting the Chemo injections, a text from friend Sasha arrived with an invitation to cocktails at Happy Hour tomorrow or Wednesday afternoon. I immediately text back, ‘yes, either day.’  He’s been trying to take me out for HH for about a year, maybe more. Schedules, family, kids, sickness have always been in the way.  Maybe that will end this week.

We’ve not been able to have a one-on-one chat in a long time.  He needs it, I can tell.  I need it, too.  He needs to know what’s going on with me - the whole story.  I want to be the one to tell him. 

The Chemo syringes arrive and 2 of my favorite nurses are to administer the goods. The injections are administered simultaneously (and at the same time) on opposite sides of the body.  I always tease and say things like; “It’s like synchronized swimming, you know, think of Esther Williams.”  This always gets them going.  

Then as they count down and do the deed, I comment on whether they were in unison or not. If not, I jokingly admonish the one who was off time. There’s always the “I promise I’ll practice and do better next time” and we all know that next time, will be tomorrow. Yes, it’s a game and we laugh and it keeps us all a little closer to sanity for a few minutes.

There’s always a slight wave of nausea following the injections, so I rode that out, then drove home.

Good news is no immediate uglies to report.  Bad news is the damned rash has already made an appearance. The itching is becoming unbearable. So this is what that one-pound jar of the special cream is for, eh?  Lather everything and do it now.

I’m done. It’s going to be an interesting night. During each cycle something bizarre has ravaged my body and it’s been a different plague each time.  Let’s see what this cycle has in store for this tired old body now. 

Transfusion at 8 am, tomorrow.  Hopefully, Happy Hour with Sasha at 5 pm.  May it be so.

And so it goes.

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Halliburton To Pay $1.1 Billion Settlement Over Gulf Oil Spill

Halliburton & BP?  Pay Up?  Watch out for snowballs in Hell.

From the AP:

NEW ORLEANS (AP) — Halliburton's agreement to pay more than $1 billion to settle numerous claims involving the 2010 BP Gulf of Mexico oil spill could be a way for the company and victims of the spill to avoid years of costly litigation — if all the pieces fall into place.
A federal judge still has to approve the settlement. That same judge has rulings pending on the extent to which parties, including Halliburton, were negligent in the deadly explosion of the Deepwater Horizon offshore oil rig. Those rulings could affect plaintiffs' decisions on whether to participate in the settlement, which was announced Tuesday.
Pending action by the Supreme Court over interpretations of an earlier BP settlement with businesses also comes into play.
Joe Rice, of the law firm Motley Rice, which has been working for the plaintiffs, doesn't see those as major barriers to the settlement.
"They're not extremely complicated pieces," said Rice. "Whereas the litigation would be extremely complicated."
The settlement involves commercial or subsistence fishermen or hunters whose catches were affected by the spill, and businesses and property owners, including local government entities, who had property touched by the oil. They would be able to collect punitive damages from Halliburton through a fund to be administered by a court-appointed representative. The agreement also would settle claims for a separate class of businesses and individuals who were deemed to have causes of action against Halliburton under BP's 2012 settlement with businesses affected by the spill.

The rest is HERE.

Look for this to roll around the courts for a while, but don't look for any actual monies to change hands.  I truly doubt that will ever happen.  We're talking Dick Cheney's claws here.

And so it goes.

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Just a Thought: Tan

Truth is just truth. Sad to say.
And so it goes.
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