Home, Hospice, More Updates and Revisionist History

There are these little tidbits I’d like to share, or at least pass along. Warning: May be long for some readers.

My apologies for not answering comments or reading the blogs of others, but dope and high fevers will do that to you, if you get my drift. It didn’t seem that my comments were required at the time. As time goes on and my life (hopefully) begins to stabilize I can find a remedy for that omission.

Just as the Flu was making like Sherman in its relentless march through my body to the sea, two new things popped up (no pun intended); glands in my neck and throat began to swell to the size of large duck eggs. Suddenly I couldn’t move my mouth and the jaws wouldn’t cooperate. The mouth felt as if I were chewing on razor blades, all tiny cuts therein, so sipping anything other than water was a no-no. Another IV antibiotic was called in for that one - took 5 days before jaws would move so I could eat solid foods again.

I lived on water, Ensure, Magic Cup, and ice cream. Even cooked fruit caused the glands to react and stung my mouth like hell.

As the neck glandular swelling receded a new pain and swelling in my groin appeared. Ultrasounds, and x-rays later discovered that I have a hernia - again swells to the size of an egg. Have to wear a special belt whenever I am sitting or standing.  The egg disappears into the intestines when lying down and there is no pain. Tempting, but I can’t allow myself to buy into that scenario. I need to regain my strength. 

The Site Meter visit counter died suddenly last December and the replacement is one of those free things that counts every hit, not only  the extended visits.  So, just know that I am not so popular as it may appear.  But you knew that already.

I have to work on the info for the Funeral Home (payment in advance, no kidding) for the what will be done with my remains and the info for the death certificate as well as any obituary I may want to have published.  Yes, all paid for in advance. I guess to prove in some bizarre way that I am not play-acting and this is the real thing.

And speaking of Obituaries - or as in this funny but sad case a pre-obituary - there is THIS revision of history I stumbled upon this morning and haven’t decided just how sick, sad, poorly thought out and written, and over the top it really is. I’ve never read a pseudo-obituary. That said, especially where the writer gives themselves more ink than the supposed subject of the piece. This from a person who lives in the past, loves to play the put-upon misunderstood martyr in all situations. 

In any event, he becomes the larger-than-life martyr with each retelling of this tale (it’s been reincarnated a few times on his blog) because well, it’s all about him, after all. I guess I ought to be angry, but at this stage what’s the point. That would take more energy than being sad for the man, which is more than he deserves. 

At this time when my health is fragile I prefer people in my life who love, respect, and care about me. Unfortunately, this person isn’t one of them. 

Anyone involved in the retelling of this sordid, long-forgotten anecdote (supposedly about the subject of the obit although any connection is a vague stretch, indeed) is either long gone or have long ago forgotten the original childish situation.

Anyway, it could be your laugh of the day.  Your choice.

My walking stick has arrived just in time for my release from hospital. The one I really had my eye on was made in Ireland out of traditional Black Thorn, was a bit expensive and would take 4 to 6 weeks before being dispatched. Of course, I couldn't wait that long, so this one will do me well. In three sections it is quite sturdy and a full 55’ tall when screwed together. It comes with a canvas bag and collapses to 18” sections.  I love the thing. As I said in an earlier post, I didn’t want a traditional cane, but rather a hiking/walking stick for more stability and security. And here it is.

Meals on Wheels will be set up tomorrow or next day helping to provide 1 to 3 meals daily, and the weather is supposed to warm up by week’s end. After being in a germ-infested, temperature-controlled environment for so long it’s taking me a while to get used to real fresh air and the cold temperatures. Truth be told, it’s in the 40s but very cold to my tired emaciated old body.

Every hour I push myself a little harder, a little farther from my comfortable cocoon to do more for myself once again. That under the care of Hospice I get to self medicate is a luxury beyond measure. No more having to wait an additional 3 hours before the hospital computer tells me I can have pain med is a boon to me and all mankind. I don't abuse the privilege, but it's nice to know it's there. 

I just read that Hospice will provide Oxygen if needed, as well as one of those emergency medical alert systems (like that annoying “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” thing) so I’ll find out more in the coming week as I get settled in to this new living situation.

Just as I wrote that last bit a phone call came in from Hospice - it was a daily check-in to find out if all was well or if anything was needed. 

The fact that I need someone to shave my head (after 2 months it’s very scary) was not included in their offer of aid.  The last time I shaved was before the shoulder dislocation, when I was able to lift my arm above my head…not any more. I’ll have to figure out something else, is all.

Hell, I’m amazed I’m still here and back at my own place, for however long I’ve got.

If all goes well and my strength improves I will be having a lunch of Fish and Chips with a pint of Newcastle Brown Ale with Linda and Jeffrey tomorrow. To say I’m looking forward to the outing would be an understatement. 

“Do what’s necessary, then do what’s possible, and suddenly you find you’re doing the impossible.” Anonymous

Still Amazed.

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Back To Where I Don’t Belong!

Like it or not, I have returned to the scene of the crimes (all of them) although (again) the powers that were insisted it would never happen. Plans to go directly into Rehab following the heart fungal infection treatment (6 weeks!) were shot down the very day of my last heart treatment. 

Seems the Rehab Center had to be shutdown due to an outbreak of an intestinal infection that hit the residents hard. Now, can you imagine my reaction if I had arrived in time to be forced into shutdown mode and had to deal with yet another attack on my immune system? No, me neither.

The hospital was stunned, but even more-so when a test swab revealed that I had Type A Influenza.  I wrote about this in a brief update recently, so I won’t go into the gory details. The episode knocked me out for another week, the hospital went into full isolation mode again and I became Neutropenic - again.  There went my fresh fruits and vegetables..It was nice while it lasted.

When it was time to reschedule a room in Rehab, there were none available except in the one that NO ONE wants to be admitted to and to which I also declined. 

Suddenly my apartment looked pretty good to them and it was clear they wanted me out of there as I wanted out of there before I was hit with another infection out of the blue.

So, me and my 23 days of necessities for rehab were stuffed into an ambulance and shipped to my old apartment.

The only difference, and it’s a big one, is that I have been registered with and admitted to Delaware Hospice, which ought to make my life less stressful and rest a little easier.  I get to stay home and people come to me for basic care and nursing needs.

The final home admissions interview was conducted yesterday morning - about 2.5 hours - and I felt much better following the meeting.  There is still much I don’t know about or understand and I am stressed enough to imagine that it could all be taken away in an instant (it does involved Medicare/Medicaid after all.) but for now it feels pretty good.

Had an uncomfortable, sleepless, strange night with little rest and woke up to this for my card of the day:

“The middle of the night - you are startled out of sleep, nightmare, undigested thoughts: get up and work out what you can do about it!  It’s dark, and many lights appear; mental flashes.  Nine Swords: a whole gamut of new knowledge and insights - exhausting - get used to them carefully.”

I'm still organizing my thoughts and experiences so...More later.

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Miles and Miles of Heart

Six weeks later, still in hospital, but the anti-fungal has destroyed the heart fungal infection after 6
weeks of treatment. I've been told that most hearts would have just given up and out, but for some reason, I'm still here.

A number of folks I have known in the past have died over the holidays and yet, here I am.

Just began to feel better and now I've got the flu.  Can't seem to win any which way.

The plan is to go into rehab for a few weeks after this flu takes its leave of my poor old wasted body.  We shall see.

Stay tuned.  It's been an amazing ride and it ain't over yet.

Amazed
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New Year Update

First, thank you to Calvin for spending some time with me on New Year’s Day. It was a very pleasant time and a joy to meet him in person. Hope we meet again under happier circumstances this year.

Fevers are fewer these days.

Meds are fewer now, too. Mostly IV stuff.

When released, will need to be infused daily with anti-biotic and anti-fungal med.

PT continues to help with the walking and stairs.

No need for oxygen right now.

Eating to gain weight - not much success, so far.

Found more PERN books to hold me over and keep me relatively sane. Since I’m awake at all hours, I keep the Nexus 7 charged at all times.

May be out of here before the weekend, but don’t know where yet. Linda returns from Holiday in Ireland this weekend, so I’ve that to look forward to. 

It’s been suggested that I find a tasteful walking stick (not a walker, please!) to help my balance when I’m out and about.  Something to go with my style, you know - - vertical.

Will ask Jeffrey to scope out retailers to see what they’ve got to offer. I don’t want one of those cheap, aluminum medical devices.  Something with a little class that I’d be proud to be seen with in public.

Have met two very nice hospital employees recently. Both Latino and both anxious to talk about being gay in Rehoboth. Very sweet guys. Keep me occupied for an hour or so, which is damned nice of them. One is a CNA and the other works in Maintenance. They say they’ve been praying for me since I arrived last month. Little surprised by those remarks, but I’ll take it.

People never cease to amaze me.

Still amazed.

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Yes...You Bet...

I am awake.

I am in hospital.

I am in pain.

I am aware.

I am anxious.

I have a mild fever.

I am medicated.

I am ready for a nap.

I am mystified as to why hospitals don’t sell health and beauty aids. I could sure use  nail clipper right now.

I'm amazed that it's 2015!

Still amazed.

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I Really Need A Plan

It has been another 3 days since I’ve heard of any brilliant plan from the Gods on High regarding any new treatment and I am alternately wide awake or very sleepy when any rumor arrives. So far, it’s all turned out to be rumor, cause here I sit.

I’m getting a lot of reading done and in my very confused little mind trying to sort out a legal itinerary for a legal trip to Holland for a soothing end to this nightmare via a short side trip to Euthanasia

Anybody up to a trip to Holland?

I keep trying to write Dutch friend, Peter, for his input, but the words don’t seem to come together on paper so I give up and try again another time. I mean everything from coordinating oxygen, wheelchair, medications, transportation to airport and to the Dutch medical facility, and then reversing the whole process - without me in the mix. 

Ashes scattered all over Amsterdam would make me very happy and content.

If you have any experience along these lines I’d appreciate any input you’d be willing to share.

Meanwhile I await the coming visit of at least one surgeon or specialists for quality care of some kind…ANY kind.

Anyway, Happy New Year, if you don’t hear from me beforehand

Amazed and still confused.

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Lounging at the Christmas Spa

Just setting’ a spell at Beebe Medical Hospital & Ocean Spa in lovely downtown Lewes, Delaware.

This relaxation time was provided by the Cancer Tumor Association and is likely to last 5 to 7 fabulous days. Fevers returned with a vengeance. So far, weather has been fretful and treatments are not coming up to expectations.

....And I'm forever catching myself humming Stormy Weather.

Spending time with old friends here. Am exploring new variations on an old theme, plus giving a test run to a new anti-fungal whose name escapes me now.

Heavily sedated, of course, so can use only a single hand to type.

Hoping for good news soon. If not, here’s wishing you all the joy and love of whatever holiday you celebrate. If it celebrates neither, find another one.

Every day has been amazing and hectic here.  Good things are coming.

I am so amazed.

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Balancing Medical Decisions

The Friday appointment with the attorney had to be cancelled due to emergency transfusion on Friday morning. I am sure she wasn’t a happy camper when she learned that news. Couldn’t be helped.

Went into full crash mode on Thursday afternoon, so when I called the Center for advice, they told me 2 units were already ordered while we were speaking and since I was already in a crash scenario just continue to chill, rest and do as little physical activity as I could get away with until I arrived at the Center in the morning.

That was easy to do. All I wanted to do was lie quietly so as not be short of breath and be as careful on my feet to be aware of any possibility of falling. Took a painkiller and high dose of Tylenol before sliding between the sheets where I stayed until morning when I had the tedious struggle to get dressed (hard enough with the use of BOTH hands, a real torture test without) and try to be ready when Jeffrey arrived to transport me. He did have to help me with the sling (the dear!)

It all went smooth yesterday and though I was, by this time, very weak and finding it difficult to put a coherent thought into words there was no panic. I had enough trouble following instructions and answering questions posed by the staff. I managed.  I now know that I can go from a moderately low red blood cell count to a dangerously low one in less than 24 hours. For no apparent reason and without any change to normal daily activity.

At least I was able to recognize and be aware of these quick changes nowadays. Glad I made the right decision early enough that no harm was done and the attorney couldn't whine about wasting her time.

Also, this latest blood - O Positive with modifiers for me - gave me a positive kick, or booster and I feel better today than I have following transfusion in the recent past. For this, too, I am thankful.  I am not going to be doing anything crazy, but I feel like I could put on my dancing shoes and boogie around the living room for a bit.

I am amazed.

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Just a Thought: A Stagnant Truth.

How far does loyalty and American Patriotism take you when a young, supposedly heterosexual soldier is ordered to rape (FUCK) anally abuse teenage boys?  Forget whether the acts were performed in front of family members, or not. It’s the very act that matters.

Just following orders! (?) Foul, evil, conniving, self-righteous.  Humans enjoy nothing more than the act of harming other humans

Does it take this sick behavior to finally stop you in your tracks to say, “this, my entire way of life, has been a vast red-white-blue lie.”?  Does it?  Even a little bit? No wonder more and more of our soldiers and hurting. There are secrets to keep, they bought into the lie, too.

Yes, by all means, let’s offer a free ride and safe passage to George Bush and Dick Cheney, but do everything possible to draw-and-quarter the likes of Edward Snowden for drawing attention to their crimes, and others.

All humans are truly pathetic, dangerous creatures. We’d rather harm others who suffered as we have, than to banish that suffering and those who ordered it in the first place.

I am sick.

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The Ring Goes South & That Card Again.

I am not sure whether I ought to be spooked, or freaked (2 very different experiences), grateful and curious, or give myself a slap upside the head for missing something important that this card is trying impart to me.

As you can see in the side bar, this is the card of the month - second time in a row. It has popped up as card of the day again today - the second time in the first 10 days of December.  I know shuffling the deck is not an issue. I am very careful with that, almost religiously so. This is uncanny.

Sat up most of the night in pain reading, or trying to. Between the shoulder, left arm, wrist and the leg swelling, painkillers didn’t have a chance. Pain was so intense at times the nausea kicked in big time. Compazine helped - but not with the pain. There was no way to ignore it. 

So I decided to pull my card for today and, well, imagine my surprise when this one comes up again. Everything I read about it points to having a lovely time, enjoying love and friendships, and lots of happy, strong emotions.  

But, while I’m in great pain?  I think not.

I’m more than half way through my annual reading of LOTR - about midway through The Two Towers - occasionally finding a bit of info that I’ve missed in past years, making one more part of the trilogy fall into place. With the arm out of service I’ve been unable to write these down, but I think I’ll remember enough as some of the characters (or their heirs) play a part of the final book.  I’m reading more quickly and more intensely than in other years. I guess I need more concentration this time round to pull me through.

The struggle to put on clothes begins shortly. Jeffrey will pick me up at 8 for a few appointments, then I have a few scrips to get at the pharmacy followed by a CTScan before I can head home and return to the peace and warmth of my bed.

The storm system moving through has me moving carefully and with someone’s help. Can’t afford to dislocate the right arm now. I’ll be happy when the trials and demands of the day are over.

And so it goes.

Reprimands, Appointments, Arrogance

I’ve been reprimanded for using the word “burden” in the last post. I am sorry. This is so very hard for me and sometimes I fall back into the old thinking. Were I a caregiver I know how I would feel hearing that word, but it’s very difficult to project it onto others. I will make every attempt never to use it again. 

The appointment with the Orthopedist went well. Given that we were both awake and I was only slightly sedated we were able to rehash the events of Tuesday night. He’s really a nice (read handsome) man and over the past week had educated himself to my case.  He asked a few questions that had puzzled him, but all went well otherwise.

He set up an appointment for a CTScan for this Wednesday - conveniently after the Labs and the other Dr.s appointment at the Center. Even set it up at the Imaging Center next to the Cancer Center.  Couldn’t do better than that.

I’ve an appointment next Monday to meet with the other surgeon who will aid in the cutting up of my shoulder, removing the broken bits, and repairing any damage.  You know, a few years ago I would have cringed at talk like this, probably gotten physically ill, but now it’s like I’m just another piece of meat.  And believe me, that’s what I feel like.

The sling is to remain in place and the only exercises are to strengthen the hands, fingers, wrists. That’s OK with me, because gravity begins to set in after the sling has been off for a while and it feels like the shoulder is being drawn towards the floor. I purchased a rubber ball for the purpose of exercising and use it absently while reading. 

Finally made an appointment with the attorney to update the Will, etc. only to have her call last evening to cancel that one and try to finagle another one.  She got all huffy when I told her the suggested dates wouldn’t work for me (she actually sucked her teeth, you know, that “tch, tch” sound a few times) so I explained the situation - just like Vivian Leigh I am dependent on the kindness of strangers for things such as transportation these days.  

When I finally said I couldn’t understand the problem, that her office hours are supposed to be 8 am to 4 pm Monday through Friday, she really got pissed, almost to the point of raising her voice. So I gave her specific days and times that are usually convenient, told her to work around that, then call back so as to confirm something with my friends and driver. She was not amused.

As Archy would say: “People may think they amount to a great deal boss, but to a mosquito they’re just something to eat.”

I was exhausted and went to bed soon after. She is another one who used to be a friend in my previous life. So, there’s that.

I am amazed.

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Tuesday Out and About.

Jeffrey was the chauffeur today. Linda had to open the restaurant while the Locosguys are in Mexico, and Nicole was buried in school work requiring peace and quiet for more concentration. It’s raining again, though not the nor’easter weather of last week. We ran the usual errands;  The credit union, dry cleaners, supermarket, and lunch were on the gay agenda as they were all skipped over last week.

An added stop at Staple’s made me wince. I am not a fan of the store or of colour Ink Jet Printers, but for reasons explained here about a year ago, I had to knuckle down and purchase a set.  Neither Canon nor Apple offered new drivers to support my old Laserjet printer.  Not to worry though, with the cash back bonus money accrued the printer cost about $18.00 USD. Now, if only the consumables  were as inexpensive it would be nice.  But, they’re not

Note: The full set of replacement cartridges cost more than the full price of the printer, so stop and think about that for a moment.  It’s cheaper to simply purchase a new printer (complete with a full set of carts) then give away, or chuck the old printer and move on. Sounds silly, doesn’t it?

I prefer laser printers - no muss or fuss - the toner is heat fused onto the paper and there’s no waiting for the ink to dry.  And the printed pages never smear, as a result, crisp, clean results every time. I don’t care about colour printing.  Does anyone care about colour printing in 2014?

Anyway, the ink carts needed replacing and I finally got around to doing that which left the empty, used cartridges with no home. It is now (apparently) a mortal sin to dispose of used carts in the garbage - they need to be recycled - and the only place around for recycling is Staples. So time was wasted as I waited for an employee (scarce even on a weekend and this is Tuesday) who could handle the situation.  There is no place to simply drop-off the used carts and be on your way.  Took nearly a half hour, but it is done.

We saved that chore for last so we could head directly to a restaurant for a quiet lunch. We chose “Go Brit!” for authentic fish & chips, bangers & mash, and a pint of Guinness. The place was quiet and the food light, fresh, and heavenly. No

greasy stuff here. Our server, Andrew, also works at DL but since’s he’s off on Sundays I didn’t get a chance to see him on the weekend. Not being busy was bad for his daily tips, but it gave us an opportunity to chat and catch up.

Seems Andrew is preparing for a trip to St. Petersburg, Russia.  Why in the winter, I don’t know. Why anytime given the current political climate, I cannot imagine.  But, he’s anxious and took off for DC yesterday to pick up his visa to prove it. He’s young, single, has traveled extensively, and knows how to do it on the cheap.  He has a great experiences no matter where he goes.

OK, so I lied.  As we were heading to my place after lunch, Jeffrey convinced me to stop and purchase a couple of cotton flannel shirts, as he had a few weeks ago.  He raved about them, suggested that the cold was going to be upon us very soon and I would be glad for them. We took ourselves to Eddie Bauer where there was still a good selection. We were shocked to find such a huge selection, especially after Black Friday and the holiday weekend. But, you won’t hear me complain. 

Because of the major weight loss it was tough to decide size, so I tried one on.  My stars! It was the softest cotton and most comfortable next to the skin.  I purchased 2 size Large (100% cotton, they always shrink a little) JIC I suddenly break out in fat or something - and headed for home. 

We covered a lot of territory a few hours. I got tired and wobbly, and the swelling caused some discomfort until I lie down and propped them up. With the aid of painkillers the pain let up after a brief time, but the swelling remains for hours. Believe it or not, Benadryl helps.

Linda just called to remind me that she’ll pick me up at 5 pm to view the Rehoboth Christmas Parade this evening at 6 pm from the restaurant. I had completely forgotten that is tonight. I am thrilled, not having seen the parade in 3 years it ought to be fun. If the rain doesn’t cancel it out at the last minute.  

So, another outing and I get to see Linda and Andrew (he works tonight) and perhaps a few more customers I’ve not seen in many moons.  At any rate, I don’t have to worry about cooking supper. I’m sure Linda will make sure I am well taken care of. I remain uneasy at being spoiled like this. 

I am amazed.

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A Magical Monday

No one was prepared for the shock of 75’F and clear skies that blessed us here at the shore on first of December. I thought about sitting on the top step of the landing to soak in the warmth and fresh air coming in off the Atlantic, prepared to spend most of the day in bed reading, as usual.

All that changed with a text message from Linda asking if I’d like to join her for an ice cream cone and walk on the boardwalk in the afternoon. Of course, I jumped at the chance. It might be just the thing to help the swelling in the feet and legs.

When she finished her catch-up work at the restaurant, she picked me up and off we went. First we took a drive to the liquor store so she could replenish her supply of beers and wines depleted during her time in Ireland. She found a new Icelandic brew that had been raved about, so she bought a 6-pack of each of the three different flavors offered by the company, which is new to the US. 

We drove back into town and found a parking spot close to the boardwalk. The jacket I brought JIC it was cooler near the ocean remained in the car. It was a magnificent afternoon and we ran into people we knew from around town and the restaurant who had the same idea. Many were surprised to see me, others surprised to see us together.

Preparations were underway for the annual AIDS Day candlelight march and service of remembrance to be held in the evening.  I was more grateful for the nice weather because for the past 3 years, the weather has been cold and rainy, or cold and windy, making for an uncomfortable experience and a lower turnout than usual.

Initially, the walk was painful aggravating due to swelling in the feet as well as ankles and calves, but that soon faded, became easier and my gait more steady. However, having walked about 5 blocks on the boards, Linda thought it wise that we share a bench, rest, watch and listen to the ocean. It was a little piece of heaven. I soon realized that this walk was Linda's plan to get me to exercise more as well as get out of the house.  Her plan worked on both fronts. Bless her.

I determined I’d walked far enough for one outing, so we returned to the car and drove back to the restaurant. The shifts were just changing, it was about 4:30 by then, so I joined the crew in a Golden Margarita, sat and enjoyed being out for the second day in a row.  Especially in such weather, which was quite a gift for December 1, in any case.

I was getting tired and hungry, so Nicole made up a Bison burger with sautéed onion rings to go, for me. Jeffrey saw me home and it felt odd not to experience leg pain for the first time in months - even walking up the stairs.

The bison burger was delicious. I washed it down with an English Ginger Beer Linda brought back from Ireland. All was right with the world. 

Interesting to note that I woke this morning a little sore in the ankles, but less swelling.  We’ll see how long that lasts. Jeffrey is picking me up shortly to run a few errands that were put off from last week, so we’re likely to stop off for breakfast, or lunch - depending on how long our journey takes.  Either way, it will be fun, and a third day out of the apartment, little worse for wear.

I am amazed.

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The Essence of My Education Today

PHILOTIMO:  Love of Honor.

The Greek Secret.

A lot to process and work through, especially since I am not Greek. I think it's worth the time, study, and meditation.  What say you?

I am amazed.
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I Remember These Things

First a note to readers: If a paragraph makes no sense in any post, please be advised that Blogger did (and does) re-arrange words in an arbitrary manner.  Usually in a sentence where an image has been inserted.  I don’t know why this matters, I just know it’s true.  I didn’t realize this was happening until I was proofing a few posts online recently. From now on, after posting, I will re-read it online and attempt to correct what Blogger has messed with. Sorry for any inconvenience to your brain.

I Remember These Things.

I remember the time before Black Friday. It was a 4-day weekend usually spent visiting friends and family all the while eating more turkey than you would in the next 11 months.

I remember when there was NO sunday shopping. (In NOLA,  grocery stores were open, liquor was available 24/7 and pharmacies were open. However, back then they sold only pharmaceuticals - no toys, groceries, or any non-health related items.)

I remember when you couldn’t find products from certain manufacturers at competitive prices, no matter how hard you tried,  more than a few cents either way. I speak of price fixing by companies like Panasonic and Sony, which was finally addressed in the late 1970s. Though they were hit with huge fines the end result is that consumers lost out, as usual. 

I can remember walking into a store looking for an item and if you didn’t see what you needed, there was always more in the “back” stock room and employees knew where to find it.  It was called service back then...

I remember great customer service and care, even being on a first name basis with sales staff.  Not anymore.

If retailers wonder why the internet has taken over as King and Queen of retail, they can look at themselves, their greed, treatment of employees, and lack of care for the customer base. People eventually get tired of being treated badly or abused. Really, they do. Then they vote with their feet and wallets.

For the most part, we went elsewhere. When you get better service from a small online retailer than a big name store you’ve been shopping for years, it’s time to move on. No customer service or support to speak of? Why wait in long lines to get a problem fixed? Go elsewhere. All fixed usually with a few clicks in minutes or with a quick email.  At least that’s my experience.

A far cry from the older model of holiday shopping.

I am still amazed.

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Support Courage Campaign Institute - Shop Amazon

This only just arrived via email and since I do a lot of shopping at Amazon I think it's a great idea to help support the CCI. A worthwhile, progressive organization.

I don't give to charities much anymore. I give to St. Jude's Children's Hospital and The Ali Forney Centers and they are the only ones to get any cash. I find most others too wasteful for my taste.

Before I hear the Amazon complaints I'll just say that I shop with Amazon, not only for the prices and service, but because there are no viable brick and mortar stores within 50 miles of where I live and I will not shop at Wal*Mart.  There are other fave go-to-spots for specific items on the Interwebs, but in general Amazon covers the other bases.

Shopping local is my first priority, even if the price is a bit higher, but driving 50 or 80 miles to Malls is out of the question.  If I find it at Amazon (I'm already a Prime Member for books & movies) and two-day shipping is free, that's where I'll get what I need.

So, if you're not in the mood to hassle the long drive, or brave the crazies at the Malls, check out Amazon for just about anything and everything (I've learned this over the years) and get it within 3 to 5 days - 2-day free shipping if you're a Prime member. Make sure your purchase is eligible for the donation.

Here's the email:
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Dear Friend, At Courage, we hope that you support and shop at small businesses. But if you're planning to use Amazon.com for your holiday purchases and beyond, please use AmazonSmile -- a program that allows small, non-profit organizations LIKE COURAGE CAMPAIGN to raise money from Amazon purchases. At no cost to you, Amazon will donate a .5% of the price to Courage Campaign for every eligible purchase you make! So why not get some of your holiday shopping done WHILE supporting a good cause? CLICK HERE to support our progressive campaigns while shopping on Amazon. You can keep doing this all through 2015! Want to make it easy to use our AmazonSmile link in the future? Bookmark this link and save it as ‘Amazon.’ It's a simple and automatic way to support Courage Campaign every time you shop at Amazon. With your purchases, you'll be helping Courage continue to fight for progressive values, equality, justice, and accountability for politicians and corporations, while training and organizing activists to change their communities. And to top it off, the AmazonSmile Foundation will donate an extra $5 to Courage Campaign for each customer who makes an eligible purchase using this link, so get shopping! Thank you for your support and Happy Holidays! Paul, along with Annie, Eddie, Laura, Lindsay, Michael, Scottie, and Tim (the Courage team)

Courage Campaign fights for a more progressive California and country. We are an online community powered by more than 900,000 members. The Courage Campaign Institute is the educational arm of the Courage Campaign family of organizations. Our mission is to defend and extend human rights through innovative leadership development, training, strategic research, and public education. http://www.couragecampaign.org?akid=1373.654996.Ur-96Q

Full Of … Surprises

It’s cold, raining, raw, getting colder - chance of snow/sleet/freezing rain tonight into tomorrow and I am one exhausted Big Cat!

Surprises:

1. Heavy rains began overnight waking me shortly after midnight.  I’ve been awake ever since. The high winds and rain have continued all day.

2. There’s a new Hematologist on my case at the center as of today. He seems more familiar with it than even the oncologists on staff.

3. Labs showed the hemoglobin numbers to be in the basement again so two units of blood were ordered - for today.  

4. With the holiday tomorrow infusion had to be done right away. Couldn’t wait, but I had to. It can take hours to type and cross match for my infusions and today was no exception.

5. Eight hours in the infusion chair alternately waiting for the blood product to arrive or being infused.

6. Arrived home to find a message from the new Hematologist asking that I call Friday to schedule an consult with him.  Seems he has an idea for a new form of treatment. Oh yes, something new. If I have the transportation, that is.

So there you have it. I had a grand list of errands to run today - thinking that the Lab results would be just fine and no transfusions necessary.  I felt fine and looked good, too.  That’s what everyone said.

So, no dry cleaners, grocery shopping, credit union (for quick cash), no quiet lunch at a nice little restaurant, and no new flannel shirts. We did manage to get to the pharmacy to pick up the waiting scripts, but that was it for the entire day.

Now I am exhausted, sore, with swollen, painful legs and nothing in my stomach all day but a bag of gold fish, a bagel, lots of ice water, and 2 cups of coffee. Jeffrey made a stop to pick up some prepared fried chicken for my supper.  Turns out the chicken is inedible. Dry and tasteless.  A cold turkey sandwich is on the menu tonight - if I have the energy to make it.

I don’t know what is the more uncomfortable; the suppressed anger, the sore butt and fatigue from the infusion chair, the wasted day, or the fact that it will be next week before I get out to try again.

With the winter weather slowly creeping into the area, those outings will be much reduced or non-existent in the weeks leading up to the end of year holidays. And once again I’ll be a prisoner in my own apartment.

The one bit of really good news came from Linda today. She got the all clear from the Irish doctors and she’s coming home tomorrow.  We are all very relieved by this news. It certainly ends the day on a high note.

I am amazed

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The Scots, Shorter Turkey Day, & Shopping UK

Finished the ebook “How the Scots Invented the Modern World” and highly recommend it for history buffs and Anglophiles for a quick and easy, insightful read. I am sure Ur-Spo would enjoy it. And maybe even Ron at (Retired in Delaware) since he's into genealogy and family histories. In fact, anyone who enjoys the historic connections between the Britons and the Americans will learn a great deal that we didn’t read about in our history books. 

The Scottish Enlightenment, the brutal, horrific Highland Clearances, the great thinkers and doers, the proud and wide-spread Philosophy of Scottish Educational System. Absolutely fascinating. It was probably a quick read because so many real life characters were written in a way that made their historic deeds and past lives before - and during - the diaspora that much more interesting. I  hope that makes sense.

I am now on to LOTR which ought to take me well into December and away from anything and everything unpleasant. Since these are real wood-pulp books, they’ll be more of a chore to lug to and from medical appointments, but we’ll get it done.

Special Alert: Today I am in a quandary and I need help.  No matter how much I clear out the one, single closet in this apartment, there is always more to find. I came upon two more large tubs today containing items that must be identified, sorted, cleaned (if usable) thrown away (if not) and that may just be the one thing a shopper at the Thrift store is looking for. I don’t know where it is all coming from and half is unrecognizable. Now Back to Regular Blogging.

I am not looking forward to Thanksgiving. Never really liked the holiday as a kid - too much family mishugass ending in arguments and creating bad feelings

too close to the real holidays.  We weren’t a sports kind of family, so verbally beating up on relatives was the order of the day. As a kid I remember that after helping clean up the kitchen my refuge was the  bedroom where I would listen to music or read for the duration. I was never missed.

Only as a gay adult in a “stable” relationship did I begin relating to the holiday. My house became the go-to place for wayward gays and lesbians with no other place to go. From NYC and NJ, to the Delaware shore. Over the years it became a tradition.  The first year there were 5 waifs; over the years the numbers fluctuated from 5 to 11 and it was all good fun. I usually did the cooking - others brought side dishes or desserts - and everyone else cleaned up.  We'd listen to music, dance and/or watch movies on the teevee machine. Spanning the eras from Vinyl to CD; VHS to DVDs.  Very relaxing times. That life, all those people are long gone. It’s a day like any other, albeit a quieter one and I don’t miss the work and fuss one tiny bit. 

It has been over a month since I ordered the “V” shape pillow from the company in the UK.  It has now been 26 days since I received word that the package had been ‘dispatched’ but to this date, the package has not yet arrived. 

The reply to my request of “Hey! What Gives” returned a familiar excuse to us Americans - “it’s the busiest time of year for the Royal Mail as it is absolutely swamped, so please be patient and give it another 3 to 5 days.”  Well, what else can I do?  They have my money and the damned thing is somewhere between the UK and the US, probably in a small steam powered boat chugging it's way across the Atlantic.  Hhrumph!

I think I’ll partake of one of those Scottish imports that must get old to be respectfully enjoyed.  A bit of single malt Scotch Whisky.  But, that’s for much later…

I am amazed.

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Facial Comparison

It is to Laugh!
This comment at the last Throwback Thursday posed the following question:

(sorry about the small text, it's a screen grab, after all.)

Summer of 2014.  With friends Sasha and Jeffrey.

Summer in 1970s. With friend Ted.

I don't know that it's changed much over the years. It has stayed with me to some degree all these years.  I still open my trap too wide when I laugh.  I guess I just have to let it out before I burst. But hey, it is what it is.

So, Mr. or Ms. Anonymous, thanks for asking.

Yep!  I'm still amazed, too.
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From Pain Comes Pizza.

Being a shut in today and that’s OK, especially after such a rough and restless night. Leg and ankle swelling made getting into a comfortable position a physical challenge. I sat up most of the night reading; falling asleep whenever I could.

As it now stands, Ireland is going to be hosting friend Linda another week. The results of the original biopsy proved inconclusive so she had to endure another one, having to wait for these results until early next week.  How the results could be inconclusive she says she can’t understand because the chunk of flesh they took out of her was quite large.

Anyway, she’s stuck.  Be that as it may, she told me this morning that flight reservations are made for next Thursday (our puny Thanksgiving - and what it’s become - means nothing to the Irish) so she is planning to come home no matter what the results of the latest biopsy reveal.  One can tell, even by the written words, that she is one pissed off Irish Lass and most folks would be wantin’ to stay out of her way these next few days.  

Jeffrey just checked in to see if I was in need and if I felt up to meeting him for an after-shift cocktail today. I nixed the cocktail idea but asked if he would deliver a small pizza after work from my fave place. He said it wouldn’t be a problem. We’ll try to meet up for a festive cocktail later in the weekend, if possible.

A fresh pizza - delivered! That’s great! I have no beer, but a shot of Jameson’s might be in order. With the swollen legs, pain and weakness, I couldn’t prepare a hot meal for myself tonight, anyway. I am pretty tired of cold turkey sandwiches, of you get my drift.

A nice reward for putting up with the pain. Pain meds following the pizza should put me down for the rest of the night and I’ll be on my feet (literally) tomorrow morning.

I am amazed.

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