I Really Need A Plan

It has been another 3 days since I’ve heard of any brilliant plan from the Gods on High regarding any new treatment and I am alternately wide awake or very sleepy when any rumor arrives. So far, it’s all turned out to be rumor, cause here I sit.

I’m getting a lot of reading done and in my very confused little mind trying to sort out a legal itinerary for a legal trip to Holland for a soothing end to this nightmare via a short side trip to Euthanasia

Anybody up to a trip to Holland?

I keep trying to write Dutch friend, Peter, for his input, but the words don’t seem to come together on paper so I give up and try again another time. I mean everything from coordinating oxygen, wheelchair, medications, transportation to airport and to the Dutch medical facility, and then reversing the whole process - without me in the mix. 

Ashes scattered all over Amsterdam would make me very happy and content.

If you have any experience along these lines I’d appreciate any input you’d be willing to share.

Meanwhile I await the coming visit of at least one surgeon or specialists for quality care of some kind…ANY kind.

Anyway, Happy New Year, if you don’t hear from me beforehand

Amazed and still confused.

*

Reprimands, Appointments, Arrogance

I’ve been reprimanded for using the word “burden” in the last post. I am sorry. This is so very hard for me and sometimes I fall back into the old thinking. Were I a caregiver I know how I would feel hearing that word, but it’s very difficult to project it onto others. I will make every attempt never to use it again. 

The appointment with the Orthopedist went well. Given that we were both awake and I was only slightly sedated we were able to rehash the events of Tuesday night. He’s really a nice (read handsome) man and over the past week had educated himself to my case.  He asked a few questions that had puzzled him, but all went well otherwise.

He set up an appointment for a CTScan for this Wednesday - conveniently after the Labs and the other Dr.s appointment at the Center. Even set it up at the Imaging Center next to the Cancer Center.  Couldn’t do better than that.

I’ve an appointment next Monday to meet with the other surgeon who will aid in the cutting up of my shoulder, removing the broken bits, and repairing any damage.  You know, a few years ago I would have cringed at talk like this, probably gotten physically ill, but now it’s like I’m just another piece of meat.  And believe me, that’s what I feel like.

The sling is to remain in place and the only exercises are to strengthen the hands, fingers, wrists. That’s OK with me, because gravity begins to set in after the sling has been off for a while and it feels like the shoulder is being drawn towards the floor. I purchased a rubber ball for the purpose of exercising and use it absently while reading. 

Finally made an appointment with the attorney to update the Will, etc. only to have her call last evening to cancel that one and try to finagle another one.  She got all huffy when I told her the suggested dates wouldn’t work for me (she actually sucked her teeth, you know, that “tch, tch” sound a few times) so I explained the situation - just like Vivian Leigh I am dependent on the kindness of strangers for things such as transportation these days.  

When I finally said I couldn’t understand the problem, that her office hours are supposed to be 8 am to 4 pm Monday through Friday, she really got pissed, almost to the point of raising her voice. So I gave her specific days and times that are usually convenient, told her to work around that, then call back so as to confirm something with my friends and driver. She was not amused.

As Archy would say: “People may think they amount to a great deal boss, but to a mosquito they’re just something to eat.”

I was exhausted and went to bed soon after. She is another one who used to be a friend in my previous life. So, there’s that.

I am amazed.

*

After the Fall. What Now?

Taking the fall, literally. Typing this won’t be easy, since the left is my dominant hand. In 68 years I neglected the education of my right hand that it is now practically useless. I manage.

Appointment with surgeon is set for Monday hopefully followed by a quick appointment for the surgery.  I can only dream.

Since the fall I’ve noticed that I’m very prone to balance issues - more than I originally thought. With two hands to help keep balance and remain steady, it’s not as obvious. But there are any number of times I could have taken the same kind of tumble here - just not conscious of the danger.  I am now.

The ER doctors kept shooting me up with pain meds. It took three tries and ultimately a call to the Orthopedic surgeon at 1 AM to reset the shoulder. The third set of x-rays he ordered show a piece of bone separated from the main bone, so the surgery.

Of course I was in no condition for Labs on Wednesday. When they were done Thursday the red cells were again down enough for 2 units. Blood was delivered overnight and I sat for 6 hours receiving while very doped up. Back to bed when I got home. Even in the sling the arm is very sore and the hand very weak. 

Though I took off the sling this morning to make a coffee and change shirts, it will go on over a fresh shirt and I will spend most of this 4th day of healing in bed reading, or sleeping. I do not need anything else. Yes, this is frustrating, but it is what it is.

I’m becoming what I wanted to avoid - a burden on those taking care of me - and so I’ve got to pull back some, do more for myself. They’re already blaming themselves for this fall and that will never do. It could have happened anywhere - even in my apartment.

Sure the whole thing sucks wet monkey ass, but it’s done and that’s that.

I am amazed.

*

It Happened So Fast

Oh, What a Night! So much can happen in so little time.

Rain
Rehoboth Beach Christmas Parade
Crab Quesadilla to Go
 Wet Driveway
Call 911 - Cannot use left arm.
X-rays - Left Shoulder Dislocated
Orthopedist Called 1 a. m.
IV pain medication
X-rays - Chip & Fractured Shoulder
Three Attempts at Reset
Sling & Home

Lots to write about when the left arm/hand is functional again.

I am amazed.

*

Life and Death are Simply Wearing Me Out!

Things on the apartment search are moving quickly, too quickly to keep up with. Two of the

apartments found on Craigslist have already been taken, am waiting to hear about 2 others. Learned that moving in with someone with pets would be borderline acceptable.  No cats, birds, ferrets, etc.  Only dogs that are primarily indoor pets, are clean, will stay off my bed, etc., will be considered

Another evaluation by the PT folks today, one more tomorrow, and now they’re talking about allowing me to return to my 2nd. floor apartment temporarily as I continue to search for one on the ground level.

The catch is that I’d be allowed up and down the stairs once daily and my occupational therapy would be limited.  Though in what ways I do not know.

My case manager is doing her damnedest to keep me in the medicaid link so that I am eligible for additional long term home health aid. She spent half her day on the phone on my behalf today.  Every time I see her my personal file, usually tucked under her arm, gets thicker and thicker. 

Medicaid sent a 1/4 inch thick survey/questionnaire to Linda that she was supposed to complete and return before this weekend. Problem is that she has no access to most of the requested documents while most of other info seems to have nothing to do with her role as my POA.  Gave it all to the Case Manager, Suzanne today. She didn’t bat an eyelash. I would have been bonkers in that situation. 

If I am released from here soon, the first thing on my gay agenda is updating, sorting, and reformatting all the medical documents, then put them all in one easy-to-reach place for quick access. 

The second thing is to prepare the paperwork to make Linda the Executor of my estate. I thought that was one of the documents we took care of 3 weeks ago, but that wasn’t the case. POA ends when my life does.  Clearly, that’s not good enough.

Gather more data about assisted living opportunities and their costs.  Seems this is one of those loose ended gambits that varies from state to state, usually with the person needing assisted living getting virtually fucked (and not in a nice way) due to loopholes and financial shell games.

A new Cell Phone Carrier.  If this current experience has shown me anything it’s that good cell coverage is important in critical situations like this. I need a more reliable carrier and I find that Verizon is the best around.   Though their level of suckitude is beyond measure, they do have to most reliable network around here. Granted, I’ll be paying over half again what I’m paying now, but what I am paying didn’t produce a signal or wifi for texting. Time to bite the bullet.

Probably the most pressing issue about being back in my own space is the inability to clean, do laundry, mop, dust, scrub, change sheets, etc., on my own. I know it will be almost impossible now, but Linda has told me not to worry. If the Home Health person doesn’t do it, she will see that it gets done, somehow.

Having been laid up for a month I have no idea what I can and cannot do for myself anymore or how much stamina I will have when sprung initially.  Still, Linda says I am not to worry.  So I won’t worry. Well, maybe just a little.

There were two huge dark chocolate bars waiting for me when I woke up this morning. No note or card. Just one 60% cacao and the other 85% - 100 grams each.The have to be from one of the nurses, but from the night crew from last evening or someone from the day crew today. And, no one will tell me.

I’ll find out sooner or later - or not. Meanwhile I will enjoy the chocolate and thank the Universe that such a kind person thought of me.

And so it goes.

*

The Old and News

Sitting up and at peace for the first time in a few days. From my window I can see the treetops from

the park nearby. It’s been interesting to watch the leaves change color and I am sure you’re thrilled with this information.

The news is a combination of old and new.  Extremely high fevers remain the order of the day; so destructive that when they’re over, I feel like I’ve been kicked down a flight of stairs and the rest of the day is pretty much a waste.

No visitors, but a call from Linda in Ireland every day has been quite a life-line. No news on the living space front either. Just more people looking out for me. Something has got to break on this one soon.

I met with my new Oncologist and feel very good about her. A new outlook and drug changes will begin happening on Monday. Aside from her, Dr. Scott (my future ex-husband) has jumped back into my case and all focus now seems centered on creating a better quality of life, for however long that may last. He has also chosen to continue with the pain medication (Fentanyl Patch) even upping the dosage slightly.

The pneumonia isn’t as annoying today, and so far, no fever lurking nearby. I’ve been hooked up to oxygen since last night, so I was dry and hoarse this morning, but water took care of that problem in no time. Scheduled for another 6-pak of platelets today, so I guess I'll be doing a lot more reading.

BTW, Some folks have said that their comments are not getting through and the only thing I can tell them is for some reason, comments that used to be directed to a special email account are now being posted by Blogger. I just found 15 comments and have posted to the blog. As with all things Blogger-related, there is no method or reason for this change, but I know now that there is one more place to hunt for comments now.

If you comments aren’t being posted it has nothing to do with my moderation. I haven’t had to delete a comment in a very long time. 

Not sure if this will make much sense, but too lazy to go over it all again. It is what it is.

Here’s to a beautiful weekend, and a bright beginning on Monday. I do need something positive in my heart today.

And so it goes.

*

I'm Here. Just Don't Aske Me Where "Here" is.

Still in hospital, same room since admitted on Oct. 1.

Nightmares do not only happen at night.  When the pain strikes it's a real screamer. When the fevers take hold (usually 2 or 3 times daily) I cannot move at all. Can't hold up my own weight. I am in a magic bed that has a massage mechanism to prevent bed sores.. thrilling, that.  Since I am prone to fall due to weakness,  the bed can also be a tattletail. An alarm will sound if I try to get out of bed without assistance. I feel pretty safe when I feel anything at all.

Fevers spiking to 103.5 have left me totally drained. I cannot go home while they're happening.

Probably unable to go home at all to a second-story apartment. I will need at least a walker, possibly a wheelchair.

There are rumors of an assisted living option, but the specialists don't believe that will be enough.

One visitor only since arrival.  That's all I can stand.  Good friend.

Due to the arrogance and stupidity of a new physician, I almost bought the farm the other night. For the next 2 days I wish I had.

And so it goes.

I was Floored, Literally

Before anything else I must say that I made the best smothered pork chops Saturday evening.  The Sazerac certainly did its part in making them so.  There were parts of the recipe that I’d forgotten and the cocktail helped my memory enormously. Yes, I could only eat one, but that means there are 2 more delicious meals to look forward to in the week ahead. 

It was a lazy, typical Autumn Sunday here. Foggy, misty, gray skies and little breeze to speak of. After a brief walk on the boardwalk I was short of breath and very damp, indeed. No, I didn’t take a slicker. Came home, took a shower, shaved, and made breakfast. 

For some reason I was anxious all day. Too much time alone, I guess.  I was also tired and went back to bed to read and fell asleep again. I didn’t feel right when I woke up. Not at all refreshed.

Poured at glass of iced water The first clue something was amiss was I couldn’t keep the water down. Nothing came up but the water.  Strange. 

Feeling kind of weak and dizzy, I thought it a good idea to put solid food in my stomach; have a few of those frozen entree things but nothing stirred my appetite.  I closed the freezer with the promise that I’d be back again later hoping my appetite would kick in and something would eventually strike my fancy.

I turned to leave the kitchen and miscalculating distances, crashed my right shoulder into the door frame.  This threw me off balance sending me into a sprawling pratfall onto the living room floor - flat on my face. I hit hard.

While lying there becoming intimately acquainted with my lovely pecan flooring, gathering my jumbled thoughts I assessed the body for any damage. Breathing was difficult, I was stunned and dizzy. When I realized everything moved and there was no pain, I got up slowly and made my way to the bed where I laid myself on top of the covers, still fully clothed.

Breathing heavily and shaky I tried to remember what had happened. It suddenly dawned on my frazzled brain that I had reached the lowest level of platelets and hemoglobin that my body could tolerate. Then I fell asleep.

And this is what I woke up to at 3:30 Monday morning.

Guess Who??

Taken  Monday morning at the Cancer Center. My glasses saved my head from hitting the floor, but I have these exquisite deep purple (my fave color) raccoon eyes, and large, swollen bruises on both legs and arms. (I can't wait until they begin to turn that lovely shade of Chartreuse.) This is what low platelets can do to you.

As long as I lay quietly in bed I was fine, but as soon as I had to exert myself - even go to the bathroom - I couldn’t get enough oxygen to keep me up right. 

My regular appointment for Labs was Tuesday, but I knew I wouldn’t make it that far ahead. I called the Center and they told me to come in right away. Gathered all the energy I could muster and made my way to the car. The outside air was cool and brisk so my shortness of breath was brief.

Plopped into a wheel chair, wheeled into Triage, port accessed, blood drawn, then wheeled into one of the bedrooms in the Infusion center to await results. What a surprise when they came: platelets=12, hemoglobin=5.3…we now know my limit and I know the signs to look for.  But, Oy!  at what a price!!!

Just to be safe, they did at CT scan of my head. I was told a tiny brain, gray matter of some kind, was detected, but no internal bleeding. Again, the glasses saved my head.

I received, replacement fluids, platelets, and 2 units of whole blood and was able to walk unassisted to my car 11 hours later.

Still weak and short of breath I was glad of my appointment with the doctor this morning.  At least it didn’t take 15 minutes to put on and tie shoes as it did a day ago. I’m in much better shape today.  Sore and swollen, but better. 

I'll know more later.

And so it goes.

*

Just a Thought: Texting

I'd love to see this happen, just once.
*

And Then There Are Days Like This...

I always like to plan my day, especially if it is packed with events, meetings,

appointments, etc.  Learned my lesson years ago about scheduling too close together - not leaving enough breathing time for possible delays, so with any luck, I am always either early or on time for whatever is next on the gay agenda.

Then there are those days that da Debbil seems to laugh out loud and say, “oh, you think this will run smoothly, do you?” (followed by his evil laugh) and of course,  1 or more incidents, obstacles get thrown in my path and I get mortified and muddled.

Today was one of those days. Of course the medical establishment was heavily involved - and to blame - but (as usual) it could only be sorted out by ‘self’ with much running around from office to office, lab to lab.  My entire medical history is available to 4 thrilling CDs that I had to pick up, deliver, and sign for at various places at certain times of the day.  That’s what made me late. 

By the time it was all signed, sealed and delivered I was10 minutes late for the final chemo treatment and infusion of a single unit of blood ordered for this afternoon. Hurry up and Wait! I don’t like being late. Period. It’s annoying and rude to be so and I avoid it if at all possible. 

Of course, when I finally arrived at the Center, they discovered my vitals were all over the charts, nothing was normal. It took a good half hour for calm to be restored to my mind and body, and since I was spiking a moderate fever, that helped to slow me down. Tylenol was given to bring down the fever - they will not infuse if fever is beyond 100.5’, and I was at 100.8’  The blood was late in arriving, so that worked out well. 

The Center staff was having a similar day. Irate patients and emergencies made the place almost hostile. Eventually, they got my drip going before more Hell broke loose. Blood arrived, but so many staff were otherwise engaged in some emergency that it took another half hour to get back to me. Once they shot me with Benadryl, I was left to my own devices - in my own little relaxed world. 

Then the battery in the Nexus died, so there was no reading opportunity to take me through the next 2.5 hours. I could have sworn I charged it yesterday, but I guess not. Brain fog, again. 

The Chemo was given first.  It was noted that during this final cycle the drug has been burning my flesh from the inside out leaving a spot about 4” round with dry peeling skin and stinging like Hell. This had not happened previously. Thank the Goddess these are the last injections of the fourth and final cycle of this nasty treatment regime.

I don’t know if this treatment will ultimately prove worthwhile, or what comes next if it doesn’t, but I am just happy that it’s over.

I just got in at 6 pm., too tired to cook a proper meal, so it will be a frozen entree tonight. After supper I plan to finish the London Blitz Diary of 1941 (which is on the iPad, not the Nexus, or I could have finished it today) which has been alternately a scary and tedious ride.  I don’t know how these people remained sane for so long. But, that was the British throughout the war.

Anyway. Made it through the day.  It’s over. Home safe and sound. Barring some violent drug reaction overnight, tomorrow is a free day. If the weather is anything like today - high of 74’ F - I will be out and about early with no plans at all, so who knows what I might get myself into…

And so it goes.

*

Good Humor, Finding Chemo

 A drizzling rain met me as I made my way to the car for the trip to the Cancer Center for the first of seven Chemo injections this afternoon.  These seven are the fourth and final cycle for this drug and what happens after this is anybody’s guess.

It was raining just enough to make the roadways slippery to the unsuspecting, unaware driver and as I entered the coastal highway from the city a Rover on my left decided she had to be in front of this line of incoming traffic, so she gunned it and as the traffic light at the next intersection changed -idiot that she is - tried to stop. She couldn’t.

Maybe afraid of getting a ticket for running a light, or sheer panic, she slammed on her brakes and the rover did a triple pirouette (fortunately not turning over) and coming to a stop across 2 lanes and facing oncoming traffic.  There was, however, no applause.

I slowed down and stayed in the farthest right lane and got out of there as fast as the 4 cylinders could go. I was not going to wait around for the ending of this unnecessary madness. I will never understand why drivers do the stoopid things they do.

Without delay I arrived at the center and the Labs were done almost immediately. I took the pre-meds and waited for the lab results. Meanwhile the Chemo cocktail was being mixed and I got to relax as the pre-meds took hold.

The CBC wasn’t good, although the white count is good. Everything else is low.  I’m scheduled for one unit of whole blood tomorrow morning.  Why not 2, I asked. The doctor is concerned about the iron level already in my body and wants to maintain levels just where I am over the basic limits and keep me there until the Chemo does its thing…or not.

While awaiting the Chemo injections, a text from friend Sasha arrived with an invitation to cocktails at Happy Hour tomorrow or Wednesday afternoon. I immediately text back, ‘yes, either day.’  He’s been trying to take me out for HH for about a year, maybe more. Schedules, family, kids, sickness have always been in the way.  Maybe that will end this week.

We’ve not been able to have a one-on-one chat in a long time.  He needs it, I can tell.  I need it, too.  He needs to know what’s going on with me - the whole story.  I want to be the one to tell him. 

The Chemo syringes arrive and 2 of my favorite nurses are to administer the goods. The injections are administered simultaneously (and at the same time) on opposite sides of the body.  I always tease and say things like; “It’s like synchronized swimming, you know, think of Esther Williams.”  This always gets them going.  

Then as they count down and do the deed, I comment on whether they were in unison or not. If not, I jokingly admonish the one who was off time. There’s always the “I promise I’ll practice and do better next time” and we all know that next time, will be tomorrow. Yes, it’s a game and we laugh and it keeps us all a little closer to sanity for a few minutes.

There’s always a slight wave of nausea following the injections, so I rode that out, then drove home.

Good news is no immediate uglies to report.  Bad news is the damned rash has already made an appearance. The itching is becoming unbearable. So this is what that one-pound jar of the special cream is for, eh?  Lather everything and do it now.

I’m done. It’s going to be an interesting night. During each cycle something bizarre has ravaged my body and it’s been a different plague each time.  Let’s see what this cycle has in store for this tired old body now. 

Transfusion at 8 am, tomorrow.  Hopefully, Happy Hour with Sasha at 5 pm.  May it be so.

And so it goes.

*

Forgetful Caturday

We all have those moments, don't we?
*

BP May Be Fined Up to $18 Billion for Spill in Gulf

Hot on the heels of the announced Halliburton settlement comes this, making me think that there is still more covered up.  From the New York Times:

NEW ORLEANS — In the four years since the blowout on the Deepwater Horizon oil rig killed 11 workers and sent millions of barrels of oil gushing into the Gulf of Mexico, BP has spent more than $28 billion on damage claims and cleanup costs, pleaded guilty to criminal charges and emerged a shrunken giant.
But through it all, the company has maintained that it was not chiefly responsible for the accident, and that its contractors in the operation, Halliburton and Transocean, should shoulder as much, if not more, of the blame.
On Thursday, a federal judge here for the first time bluntly rejected those arguments, finding that BP was indeed the primary culprit and that only it had acted with “conscious disregard of known risks.” He added that BP’s “conduct was reckless.”
By finding that BP was, in legal parlance, grossly negligent in the disaster, and not merely negligent, United States District Court Judge Carl J. Barbier opened the possibility of $18 billion in new civil penalties for BP, nearly quadruple the maximum Clean Water Act penalty for simple negligence and far more than the $3.5 billion the company has set aside.

The rest of the piece is HERE.

And so it goes.
*

Halliburton To Pay $1.1 Billion Settlement Over Gulf Oil Spill

Halliburton & BP?  Pay Up?  Watch out for snowballs in Hell.

From the AP:

NEW ORLEANS (AP) — Halliburton's agreement to pay more than $1 billion to settle numerous claims involving the 2010 BP Gulf of Mexico oil spill could be a way for the company and victims of the spill to avoid years of costly litigation — if all the pieces fall into place.
A federal judge still has to approve the settlement. That same judge has rulings pending on the extent to which parties, including Halliburton, were negligent in the deadly explosion of the Deepwater Horizon offshore oil rig. Those rulings could affect plaintiffs' decisions on whether to participate in the settlement, which was announced Tuesday.
Pending action by the Supreme Court over interpretations of an earlier BP settlement with businesses also comes into play.
Joe Rice, of the law firm Motley Rice, which has been working for the plaintiffs, doesn't see those as major barriers to the settlement.
"They're not extremely complicated pieces," said Rice. "Whereas the litigation would be extremely complicated."
The settlement involves commercial or subsistence fishermen or hunters whose catches were affected by the spill, and businesses and property owners, including local government entities, who had property touched by the oil. They would be able to collect punitive damages from Halliburton through a fund to be administered by a court-appointed representative. The agreement also would settle claims for a separate class of businesses and individuals who were deemed to have causes of action against Halliburton under BP's 2012 settlement with businesses affected by the spill.

The rest is HERE.

Look for this to roll around the courts for a while, but don't look for any actual monies to change hands.  I truly doubt that will ever happen.  We're talking Dick Cheney's claws here.

And so it goes.

*

Mirliton: That’s Good Eatin’, Yeah!

On the vine.

They must be recovering nicely to find them this far north. This is a Mirliton - a backyard perennial and staple of the southern Louisiana diet for years. They grew wild in the woods behind my family home in NOLA and they are delicious eating. 

Mirliton (also known as Chayote) are a succulent squash-like vegetable with an avocado-like single pit, and can be served in many ways; from salads to stuffed, to main course casseroles or side dishes. They are extremely good when pickled.  It was thought that they were practically extinct in the aftermath of Katrina and Rita, but since they grow like weeds, they eventually got a grip somewhere and are coming back strong.

I can’t believe I found them at a local supermarket, unfortunately not the one I frequent most often. I just happened to be in this store because it’s the best place to find elephant garlic, which I needed for a dish. These were wrapped individually and pampered for their journey north. That’s as it should be

Stuffed with Shrimp & Crab.

Anyway, these mirliton are smaller than I remember them, so I bought 3 since I don’t remember if they handle freezing well.  I will certainly make good use of these babies. This is another one of those times that I get angry about the loss of my sense of taste. 

I have no family recipes to fall back on. Well, who’d have thought I’d find a mirliton this far north, in the first place.  Fortunately, there are tons of recipes online and some pretty close to what I remember my grandmother making when I was a kid.

Feels like I’m closer to heaven this evening.

And so it goes.

*

Accidents & Anxious Monday

There were 3 multi-vehicle accidents between my place and the Center yesterday. The first before I even got out of town, at the infamous circle that drivers don’t know how to navigate. (Neighboring states have different rules applying to circles.) This only added to my anxiety because the next one on the highway looked really bad. Vehicle parts strewn across the roadway and a makeshift triage on the shoulder grassy area.

I was almost broadsided by a dumpster truck that decided to make a U-turn where there isn’t one. I hit the brakes, steered out of his way, and he shot ME the bird. I was near combustion at that point. 

My anxiety level was already elevated having noticed something had sprouted overnight. A rather large lesion, about the size of a quarter between the lip and chin on the right side of my face. It is dark purple, doesn’t hurt, itch, or anything. It’s quite flat.  Looks like someone socked me in the face.

It’s scary, reminding me a little like KS. After years as a buddy in the 80s, I saw a lot of those monsters devour faces, feet, and hands. Back then there wasn’t much in the way of treatments since up until the AIDS pandemic, it had been a rare cancer usually limited to the elderly. Well, I guess I qualify for that status nowadays. And with the Chemo treatments, a whole Pandora’s Box of possible infections has probably been unleashed in my body.

There are new treatments, including radiation, and even a topical protocol that can help. I read more about it before heading to the Center for the Labs. 

The nurses wouldn’t comment on it, so I didn’t push the issue.   I knew I’d be seeing the doctor later today, so I waited.

The bad news is my neutrophil count is in the gutter, so I must wear a mask everywhere in public while I spend the next 3 days receiving Neupogen injections in a effort to boost their struggling numbers. 

Stopped at the liquor store for wine which helped me get some sleep last night, but not much.  Tuesday arrived much too soon. As it is now, I’m wired, not the least bit tired. Just anxious, very, very anxious.

Off to the doctor’s appointment and Neupogen shot number 2. Gawd, but my life is just one thrill after another…

More later.

*

Random Musings

Made it through another 5 days of duel Chemo injections.  This is the third

cycle of 4 for this drug. My body is bright technicolor from the thighs to shoulders (another first) but so far the previous side effects haven’t made an appearance.

The injections are limited to the thighs, upper arms, and stomach and for some reason, the colorful reaction happened almost immediately. There’s red, yellow, pale blue and a strange sort of purple/wine color after a few days, but it’s always just at the puncture site. Very weird to look in the mirror - which I try to avoid whenever possible.

The Evening Primrose oil has become a hit with other patients at the Center. I made copies of the webpage and one patient told me that she paid thrice the price when she bought hers locally; she'll be ordering from Amazon next time.  I'm glad it's helping people. While the oil cuts the stinging, and itching, it has no effect on the discoloration.  OK, I’ll take what I can get at this point.  I’ve 2 more days to go - Monday & Tuesday - and I am done with this cycle.  There are 3 weeks to heal before the next, and final cycle next month. 

On the way home I stopped at the Pyrex store to look for a new mixing bowl. 

My favorite one broke the other night and I am lost without it.  It was very old and the only one remaining from a set purchased about 15 years ago. Traffic was the usual Friday bumper-to-bumper anyway, so it was a no brainer. Also, getting back into the stream of traffic is much easier from where I happened to be going.

As fate would have it, the Pyrex/Corning folks are discontinuing this line of bowls - medium size with a wide rim hand grip - and they were 50% off. Original price was $10.00 Sale price $5.00 Minus 20% coupon - I paid $4.00…Well worth the stop, I’d say.

Another whole set isn’t necessary. I seldom use a smaller, or larger one anymore. There were 3 (my size) bowls left and I was tempted to buy 2, but went for the one. There may be someone out there like me who enjoyed the convenience of this particular design and they’ll find one here before they're gone. 

Made the purchase, popped back into the middle of the traffic madness and was home in less than 20 minutes.  Very good for this time of year.

I was saddened to learn that James Brady has died.  Brady was Saint Ronnie Reagan’s Press Secretary who was shot in the assassination attempt against old

Ronnie back in 1981.  He and wife Sarah had a place here at the beach where they would come to rest and recoup after one or another medical procedure Brady endured just to function.

Brady was always in a wheel chair and loved the fact that Dos Locos was handicap accessible in many ways. They used to come to the restaurant, just the two of them or with a small group.  They loved their cocktails (especially Sarah) and enjoyed Darryl’s famous margaritas, to boot. They were very generous and supportive of the downstate beach communities.  He will be missed, but at least now he is pain-free.

Receiving quite a few compliments on the beard lately. I’m flattered, indeed.  Truth is I grew it because I was tired of looking at my skinny, drawn, pale face. It does make me look a little heavier and healthier, but honestly, I am glad I grew it again.

Anyway, I’m elated to have the entire weekend free. No poking until Monday. The weather is grand - high of 78’F and low humidity. I see a boardwalk stroll on my gay agenda all weekend. 

And so it goes.

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Another Day: Where Am I?

Day Two of Cycle Three of Chemo, that’s where! 

Today was “Let’s Bitch About the Summer Traffic” day. And man, did they ever bitch. It was inevitable; it’s August. There were plenty a damning story - or a harrowing tale of the stoopid - to tell.  I listened and chuckled to myself feeling grateful. I simply do my little centering exercise before hitting the road then tune out the madness. No stress for me.

One older gentleman (using the term loosely) bellowed for a half hour about having to drive to the Center in heavy traffic no matter the time of his appointments. He’s just moved here from the DC area and hasn’t figured out the back roads yet.

Granted, everyone has to spend some time on the Coastal Highway, but using back roads can cut that time considerably, if you know how to do it.

If you are unfortunate enough to live in one of the newer developments with outlets only to the highway, your ass is grass, as we say. Whether you need to travel north or south, you’re going to pay the price.

Most of today’s complainers lived south and/or west, so the patients who also live in those areas shared the secrets of avoiding the worst of highway travel. The routes may take them out of their way, but they’ll still get to the Center in less time and stress-free. Those living north and west already know the shortcuts allowing them to simply cross the highway and not get stuck on it.

As I wrote a while back, this is the first summer I’ve had to face highway traffic - and on a daily basis - so it was either find a good quiet place for my head or sit up and wait for it to explode.  I chose the former and it works well for me.  It’s also how I found my fab silver queen farmer’s parking place, so the cloud had a silver (queen) lining.  Oooh, sorry!

Following my treatment, and as suggested by Roger (the dear) over at 3rdnlong, I hung around and visited with a new patient who seemed overwhelmed. He was about my age, I suppose. When he was ushered in alone, his eyes were the size of dinner plates; they were much smaller when I left him. He wasn’t sure what to make of the chatting, carrying on, or the humor between patients and staff. I hope our time together helped to relax him a little.  

I just received this: one of the daytime cooks at DL was riding his scooter home on Coastal highway in heavy rain on Saturday clinging to the shoulder of the road using the bicycle lane, when he was hit by an SUV trying to dodge slow traffic in the turn lane. He’s in hospital with broken pelvis, broken leg, and shattered right arm.  Doctors are hopeful, but he’ll probably never be a professional cook again. 

You couldn’t get me on the highway on a scooter on a clear afternoon, but in a heavy downpour??? He was crazy to even try it. He was warned and made his choice. He’ll be in hospital for months, then rehab a few more months. I’ll visit in a few weeks, after all the painkillers and surgeries, when he’s on the mend.

Sometimes smart people do stupid things. As I raise my hand in total agreement.

And so it goes.

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Scientists: BP Spill Much Worse than People Think.

Don't believe the commercials and the "it's all cleaned up" propaganda

from BP.  Not if you know anyone in the areas impacted by the spill, or read the scientific data.

Yes, just as BP stalls again files yet another appeal with the SCOTUS (story here) essentially crying “foul and unfair” - again - this report is released by Climate Progress at Think Progress:

Scientists at Penn State University have discovered two new coral reefs near the site of BP’s historic 2010 oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, and the impacts to those reefs from the spill have been greater than expected, according to research released Monday. 

The two additional reefs found by the PSU team were both farther away and deeper than the one coral reef that had previously been found to have been impacted by the spill. That indicates not only that marine ecosystems may be more greatly affected, but that some of the 210 million gallons of oil that BP spilled into the Gulf is making its mark in the deep sea. 

“The footprint of the impact of the spill on coral communities is both deeper and wider than previous data indicated,” PSU biology professor Charles Fisher, who led the study, said.

The rest is HERE. Includes a conversation with Prof. Fisher and more.

BP commercials continue to saturate TV and radio in New Orleans and the Gulf with their lies and propaganda, but folks who know better just sluff it off because, well, they know better.

And so it goes.

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Sunday at the Beach With Tourists

The fool-proof way I know Sunday from the other days anymore, is by the ringing bells of All Saints Episcopal Church a few blocks away. Other than that, the days just run one into another with little  discernible difference. The only distinguishing markings are scribblings on the calendar to let me know when I have to be where, and at what time. 

Although rain was threatening, I went down to the boardwalk at dawn and had a nice walk. Met some lovely people from Chicago on their first visit and we sat on a bench for a while with iced coffees in hand while I gave them a few tips for things to see and do that are either totally free, or request small donations. 

Of course, they wanted dining suggestions, as well, and you know me, I was all too happy to oblige with a few of my favorites. They wanted to leave their cars parked as much as possible and enjoy what the town has to offer. Fortunately, everything is within walking distance of the beach and their B & B. 

I had suggestions for Lewes, too.  Especially a visit to the Zwaanendael Museum in the center of town. A Little bit of Dutch in Delaware. The Dutch  settled the place, you know.  The building is modeled after the town hall in Hoorn, the Netherlands and a visit is always a treat.

Suggested having lunch at one of the restaurants on the Lewes-Rehoboth canal

which leads directly to Delaware Bay and the Atlantic Ocean. Could be a relaxing day trip.

They had plenty of questions regarding the history of Rehoboth Beach and Lewes.  They chose Delaware for this year’s holiday because of a couple of articles they’d read and a few visits to various RB websites.

Turns out they’re staying in the B & B owned by two guys I know and were relieved to get a good review. Seems their previous B & B experience wasn’t such a good one - on Old Cape Cod. They couldn’t believe the kindness, friendliness and generosity of us local folks.  

Our willingness to engage in conversation with strangers, pride in the town and local businesses really took them by surprise. That’s usually the case when folks come to visit from far away big cities; there's always that fear of being ripped off, taken advantage of, or dismissed as only a bottomless money-pit.  In spite of what you may have read elsewhere, it ain’t like that here.

Anyway. I had to keep my appointment for the shot, so I left them with a short list of eateries, and local businesses for shopping - in town.  Not the outlet stores. They can get far better merchandise and better bargains right here in town.

Yes, I also told them to enjoy at least one dining out event at Dos Locos.  They like Mexican food and were grateful for the suggestion. These people are really nice and I am sure the Locosguys will love them, too.

Coming home from the Center all southbound traffic came to a screeching stop. A 4-car pile up - involving all three lanes - had the state police quite busy for a while.  We had to wait for the helicopter med-evac to leave, and the roadway was cleared of the auto parts and other debris.  An hour and forty five minutes later, we were on our way. That was my cue. Parked and home until I have to get the next shot tomorrow at 8 a.m.

Forty-three days til Labor Day - which is early this year - and it’s all over. (Yes, I am counting. Just shoot me!) Some schools and colleges start in about a month, so things should lighten up around here at that time. May it be so.

And so it goes.

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