I Lied. Never Say Never.

Unintentionally, of course.  You see, I didn’t mean to, but I spoke wrote before I knew I had this particular, weighty (ahem!) problem.  Some would say I ought to have known beforehand, but I've had other business on my mind,  dontcha know...Anyway.

There is a disturbance in the FORCE! (Sorry, wrong metaphor.) I found out the hard way that I cannot read the LOTR books. My hands and fingers are too weak to hold the hard cover volume for any length of time. 

The problem may be due to the cancer, causing weakness in joints and muscles.  It might also be the arthritis which I have in both hands. The fingertips become numb on occasion. I can no longer tell if the pain in the hands - like the pain in the legs - is due to the cancer nowadays, or still the arthritis.

I’ve tried reading with the book propped on my chest, but the weight and size are too clumsy and the book slips out of my mostly useless thumbs. The thought that reading the entire trilogy would have to take place sitting at desk or table, instead of snuggled up in bed, was more than I could take.

So, I did what I said I “would never do” I hunted down and purchased the entire trilogy in one volume. It turns out to be a Kindle Edition with surprisingly good reviews. 

I’ve proof-read the first 3 chapters and compared each edition. Though the script of the Elves is very small, so far, so good. The Kindle version is the authorized Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Co. edition.  Total cost was $9.00, delivered in less than 2 minutes, and I am a happy camper.  Now to continue the annual read that is certainly going to take my mind off being a shut-in most of the time this winter. 

Just shows to go ya; never say never. 

I am amazed.

*

The Ring. That Time of Year, Again.

Every year at this time (usually earlier, hospital got in the way) I read The Lord of the Rings, again. I have done so since 1971 when the trilogy was still riding high with young people and in colleges around the world. 

It began innocently enough: like most others who had read the books, there was this feeling that we missed so much on first read that we had to read it again.  And, of course, that was very, very true. In fact, each year when I read the trilogy I find some new bit of text I could swear wasn’t there before - yet I am reading from the same old hard cover books I’ve had since 1974.

I do love the films and watch them from time to time, (all hail Peter Jackson and Philippa Boyens!) but there is something about submerging oneself in Tolkien’s written text and imagination and allowing it to wash over you that transcends the visual.  

So colour me Elvish as I spotted this story at the BBC about the social impact of the trilogy beginning in the 1960s.  It’s well worth the read and brings back a lot of memories from my early days in the anti-war movement and the gay rights movement. 

Truth be told - - I had a "Frodo Lives!" tee-shirt in 1969.

From the BBC:

Hobbits and hippies: Tolkien and the countercultureIt was a time of sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll. Not to mention protest against the Vietnam War and marches for civil rights and the women’s movement. Who would think a figurehead for this social upheaval would be a tweedy Christian philologist at Oxford? But during the 1960s, a time of accelerating social change driven in part by 42 million Baby Boomers coming of age, Tolkien’s The Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings became  required reading for the nascent counterculture, devoured simultaneously by students, artists, writers, rock bands and other agents of cultural change. The slogans ‘Frodo Lives’ and ‘Gandalf for President’ festooned subway stations worldwide as graffiti.
Middle Earth, JRR Tolkien’s meticulously detailed and mythic alternate universe, was created against the backdrop of two world wars.  As a professor at Oxford , Tolkien taught Anglo-Saxon, Old Icelandic and medieval Welsh and translated Beowulf, which inspired his later monsters. His fantasy vision, and his sense of evil looming over the good life, was shaped by his devout Catholicism and his experience serving in World War I, in which he lost all but one of his close friends.  “The Dead Marshes and the approaches to the Morannon owe something to northern France after the Battle of the Somme," he wrote in a 1960 letter. Frodo and Sam struggling to reach Mordor is a cracked mirror reflection of the young soldiers caught in the blasted landscape and slaughter of trench warfare on the Western Front.

For decades, fans have been obsessed with Tolkien’s Great War of the Ring, with its wizards and magicians, the legions of hobbits, dwarves, elves, orcs, giants, ents, the dragon Smaug guarding his treasure and the threatening Dark Lord. They were popular initially but sales of The Hobbit (published in 1937) and The Lord of the Rings (beginning in 1954) exploded in the mid-1960s, driven by a young generation charmed by Tolkien’s imaginative abundance, the splendour of his tales from a pre-Christian time and his obsessive cataloguing of the history, language and geography of his invented world. But deeper than this, certain aspects of Tolkien’s worldview matched the perspective of hippies, anti-war protestors, civil rights marchers and others seeking to change the established order. In fact, the values articulated by Tolkien were ideally suited for the 1960s counterculture movements. Today we'd think of Tolkien’s work as being aligned with the geek set of Comic-Con, but it was once closer to the Woodstock crowd.

Go and read the rest of it HERE.

Note: Even if these are available as ebooks, I wouldn't buy them. The thought of all the typos and other misspellings would haunt me for whatever time I have left on this earth.  So, there! My old Hard Covers are it for the next couple of weeks.

I am amazed

*

Healing, History, and Helpful Advice

Having taken a painkiller with the evening meds after supper last night, I brushed my teeth and settled into bed. Started a new e-book on the history of Scotland and got taken away for a few hours before feeling the desperate need for sleep.  Just what I hoped for, anyway. Slept like a baby, too. 

“How the Scots Invented the Modern World” is a surprisingly quick read and - for what it is - extremely easy to follow. I thought that after reading all the Civil War, American Political History stuff, it was time to take a crack at the other side of the pond. I’ve watched the multi-episode BBC series on the subject, but this is quite different.  

I received a poignant letter from a blogger buddy turned friend today, offering much wise advice regarding my physical and emotional healing and allowing time to let it happen. His words ring true, indeed. I need to follow them and think only about myself right now. Listen to my body and not try to rush the recovery process.  I don’t have to force myself to be productive so quickly after what I’ve been through. Feel vindicated in my attitude after reading and digesting his letter. Most of all, there is no reason to feel “antsy” about anything. I must learn how to rest. Now, I have help.

Unfortunately, my new V shaped pillow did not arrive in yesterday’s post.  Well, they gave a 4-day delivery window, after all. I just need to find more patience, is all. Will someone please send me a whole lot of patience - - - and hurry!

It’s great to be able to text Linda in Ireland. We had a half hour chat while she rode the train from Belfast back to Dublin yesterday. As it stands now, she is supposed to receive her test results tomorrow (Monday) so we’ll know the good or not so good news.  If she comes back this week, or not. She truly believes it’s really nothing, but it’s the not-knowing that’s driving everyone crazy.

Just a reminder; I cannot navigate the strairs unless someone is physically present in case I lose my center of balance. That’s why I must be a shut-in most of the time.  As I’m learning, not necessarily a bad thing. This also means that I cannot yet drive myself anywhere, either. The center of balance and motion thing again, I guess. I will know more when I talk with the doctor this week. 

Nicole was supposed to pick me up on the way to Dos Locos this afternoon where I hoped to spend an hour or two, but as I got out of the shower I felt a wave of achy pain and some dizziness, and made it to the bed without taking a fall. So I sent a text telling her I’m OK and we’ll do it another time. 

Got hungry a little while ago so I made it to the kitchen for a bit of cheese and crackers and a fruit cup. I’m feeling better…but it’s back to bed now.

And so it goes.

*

An Antsy Shut-in Kind of Weekend

This weekend marks 2 weeks out of hospital, and my, how the time does fly!!! And today I am antsy.

No personal post on Friday. Mostly hung out in bed, reading or sleeping. Ate very little, didn’t feel hungry. Just tired without energy, so being a shut-in wasn’t a bad thing. 

This feels very strange. I pretty much slept from 2:30pm Friday until 1:30am today. Woke up feeling fine, without any appetite to speak of, though I ate cereal and had a coffee followed by a bagel with cream cheese and preserves. 

This is the second or third time I’ve experienced this kind of episode since leaving hospital and I think it’s time to ask the doctors about it.  Which I will do on Monday. Meanwhile, this sleeping/napping 12 to 16 hours a day is taking a big chunk out of that “borrowed time” I’m living on right about now. 

Will try to get someone to take me out tomorrow morning - maybe even have breakfast - just to get out and about for a while. Enough to tire me out from actually exerting myself, if you get my drift.I am not going to get any stronger, or prettier just sitting around like Joe Egg and I need to build my strength and stamina.

Found 2 listings for small apartments at Craigslist and put through calls to both of them.  It is the weekend, after all, so I may not hear anything, but then again. 

Some people tell me I ought to relax and watch TV or a movie, but I am not interested in being in a passive mode right now. I can’t sit still for that kind of “entertainment” nowadays. I’ve watched a few YT music videos but that’s the extent of my viewing pleasure.

I’m antsy and need to be engaged in something.  But, what? I think I need an anxiety medication about now.

And so it goes.

*

Free Day

For the first time in recent memory I actually slept in until 11 am today.  Unheard-of for me. Had made a couple of lists of possible things to do and places to visit, but ultimately, following a brief time on the beach as people enjoyed lunch on the benches by the ocean, I returned to the apartment, read a few blogs, ran a load of laundry, and found yet another box of sweaters in the deepest recesses of the closet. (Maybe if I keep going back I'll eventually be welcomed to Narnia.) These were vacuum-sealed many years a go, so I don’t know what to expect. 

I’ll break the seal and let them expand overnight. I have no idea what to expect or what sweaters these might be. Meanwhile, I’ve been thinking about a new book to read. Finished the London Blitz Diary last night.  Quite good, that. Yes, I know we were subjected to quite severe rationing in this country, but at least we weren’t bombed daily or nightly for over a year.  I don’t know how they remained calm, let alone sane, when at any moment your home could be brought down upon your head.

There are a few other books waiting in the wings: the 2nd. in The Magicians trilogy, a diary of a road trip through India, another historic novel of the year leading to the Civil War 1860-61, and a bio of Nikola Tesla. 

I don’t know which I will begin this evening, but it will likely be one of these. Unless they fail to turn me on, then it’s time for an online search. I am always tempted to re-read something from my past to see if it holds up.  Usually it does, but I’m hoping to discover new writers who give me characters I can identify with and writing that holds my attention.

The body is sore from neck to thighs, but feeling rested, and the quiet is good for me today. It looks like the pre-school has moved out, so that’s another plus. No squealing kiddies to annoy the neighbors, or myself.  A very good thing, if it remains true.

I think I’ll indulge myself this evening with a Sazerac cocktail before supper. I can’t remember the last time I had one - maybe it was on the NOLA trip a year ago this week. That ought to make a difference in my soreness and level of pain.

And so it goes.

Just a Thought: Cloudy

My thoughts are scattered and cloudy. Didn't sleep all night. Read, but never tired.  Feel anxious this morning, like something is waiting to happen - - - and it's not good. Had a coffee. No appetite so I'm going back to bed.

Lab work today at 1 pm. Hope I'll learn more then.

And so it goes.
*

The Dragons Header...

Yes, yes.  To answer seemingly burning questions in comments: The present header is an homage to the Anne McCaffrey Dragonriders of Pern books. I loved them when I first read them and even more this time around.

The graphic shows the difference in height of human to various colored dragons. The Gold Queens, Bronzes, Browns, Blues, and Greens.  To know how these sizes make sense to the story, you gotta read 'em.

Look up the book series and give them a try. They're available in paperback and eBook/Kindle editions.  You may be pleasantly surprised.

I've been told that I'd like Game of Thrones because of the dragons. Well, that may be true, but they'd better be smart and human compatible.

Meanwhile, those beautiful dragons are the current header.  Enjoy it and read the books, if you like.  No pressure. Just don't question my choice of headers. The Lion will be back at some point.  I love him too.

And so it goes.
*

Review: The Ancestral Tarot Deck

With the storms raging outside, I’ve had the opportunity to sit and study the new gifted deck. Aside from the pounding rain all has been quiet making it a soothing, relaxing experience.

It’s a curious, interesting little deck of cards. I say little, but their about the size of a standard deck of cards though slightly different in shape - being almost square. After getting used to the size of The Golden deck - cards are 6.5 X 3.5 inches - these appear very small in my hands. The cards have a fine mat finish showing the images in slightly muted tones.

The four suits that make up the Minor Arcana represent 4 distinct civilizations. The imagery is vivid, though difficult to decipher in some cases. The suit subject, as in Cups and Staves are sometimes obscure requiring a closer examination of the card in question. 

 The 4 suits are represented by:

Druids, Ancient England = Cups

Various Native Americans = Sacred Circles/Coins 

Ancient Japan = Swords 

Ancient Africa/Egypt = Staves/Wands 

The cards of the Major Arcana are a collection of images from the four civilizations represented in the Minor Arcana, but with nuanced, distinct differences in some cases.  (click to embiggen)

 

An interesting visual to note is the back of the cards. (Top of this post) In most decks the back decoration is identical for either direction; one cannot tell if the card is upright or reversed (if you read cards both ways).  Not so with this deck, as you can see. The lighter image (up) symbolizes the day (and positive), the darker mirror image denotes the night (or negative). This isn’t a problem for me as I tend to - depending on the deck in use - read cards mostly in the upright position. I have never understood why day is considered positive and night as negative. More ancient prejudices, I suppose.

The box claims the manufacturer as Games Systems, Inc. I didn’t find this deck at their website.

From the box insert:

Ancestral Path Tarot threads together the diverse beliefs of various cultures in order to find commonalities of experience among them. It examines the traditions of our ancestors through mythology to reclaim a personal spirituality that enables us to perceive the divine in ourselves and others.

The Ancestral Path Tarot emphasizes the living traditions of all human cultures for us to factor into our world view. The deck portrays paths created by ancestors of different times and cultures for our consideration.

It’s a handsome deck. I just have to get used to it, by using it. My thanks to whomever was thoughtful enough to gift this to me.  Though I wish I could thank you properly, be assured that I will treasure it. 

And so it goes.

*

It’s All Good

Homes facing the ocean seen from the boardwalk.

It’s been a first rate kind of day.  Not having to be anywhere near anything even remotely medical was a real joy. I took my walk on the boardwalk at dawn, then sat with an iced coffee on a bench watching the walkers, runners, cyclists (bicycles are banned after 10 a.m.), and groups of friends heading out to breakfast after what appeared to the naked eye to be a very happy Friday evening on the town. 

None the worse for wear from my 2 Dark & Stormy’s last night, I felt in fine fettle, as it were. One of those rare, for me anyway, mornings where everything felt as it should. Everything at peace.  I know reality is far from that, but for a few brief moments it worked for me.

Got into the car and drove to my Silver Queen farmer’s staked out spot and waited for his arrival.  Snagged another 6 small ears and was told that there will be corn for another week, or two.  Then that’s it until next year.  Though the ears are smaller than most corn, I can eat only 2 at a sitting, and I don’t want them to dry or turn starchy. Pigging out on Silver Queen this weekend is a good thing.

Too bad the stuff can’t be hoarded or frozen - it loses it’s fine texture and sweetness after freezing, unless you take it off the cob and par-boil it beforehand.  That ruins the taste for me. I’m grateful for what I’ve had this year. 

Was going to stop for a few bottles of wine, but the car parks at the liquor stores were overflowing and I didn’t feel like waiting, since there were others there ahead of me. There must be something going on in the beach communities this weekend that I don’t know about - which in itself isn’t unusual. I don’t keep track of these things anymore.  Traffic was already bumper-to-bumper as I drove home before noon. I have a bottle each of Chardonnay and Merlot left, so any new purchase can wait until Monday. 

Visited a few fave blogs and caught up on lives and news. I was especially intrigued by Fearsome’s recent posts from Comic-Con.  In the process I discovered what will likely be a future Nexus reading adventure.  I’d not heard of the “Outlander” books before. So I used the Google to learn more.

They sound interesting, so I will definitely check them out. The Kindle editions are available on Amazon, so it will be easy to get started. There’s also a TeeVee series based on the books set to air in the US next month.  Of course, I won’t see it; not having TeeVee service and all, but it looks well done,  interesting.

The nicest part of today was receiving text messages from the usual suspects from last evening, saying how much fun they had and that we really have to do it again in a week, or two.  

Last evening’s event was a reminder of how much these people mean to me. I don’t know if I mean the same to them, but that doesn’t matter. They bring such joy, humor, and a healthy dose of crazy into my otherwise stifled life, that I could never thank them enough. Besides, if I got all mushy like this with them, they’d slap me upside the head and tell me to drink up!  And, I would.

Well, in about 2 weeks the schools and colleges begin opening and that should make parking and getting around town a hell-of-a-lot easier.  So, yeah, Thursday or Friday Happy Hour!?!  Game on!

And so it goes.

*

Stirring up Trouble & Stir Fry

Just when I thought it was safe to take a short walk around town, there was an

attempted robbery - yes, here in town - and the summer rent-a-cops are having a law-enforcement field day.

As I watched the chaos unfolding, hearing the shouts and crackling radios, I realized no one knew what he or she was doing. So, I did an about-face and returned home. The walk will wait for another day.

After the morning lab work and Neupogen shot, I stopped at the market for veggie fixin’s - red pepper, snow peas, bamboo shoots, spring onions, and broccoli.  I’ve been on a stir-fry kick lately. Wokking everything in sight; chicken, pork, beef are alternately on the menu. Nothing is safe from my Wok! Such cooking adds spice and zip to my otherwise bland diet. I need the extra zip because my taste buds are not functioning well and spicing things up helps a lot.

Tonight will be sliced pork in a hoisin and peanut sauce. With sticky rice, of course. There is usually enough  left over for another meal, so when I am tired and don’t feel like cooking, it’s pork stir-fry magical microwave time.  Supper in less than 10 minutes.

Just received a text from Linda, the wee Irish Lass, and my old GM at Dos Locos, wanting to set up a Happy Hour Birthday Celebration with me this week. I had hoped no one would remember, but no such luck. She ticked off 5 options, informing me that there will be at least 4 other folks involved and that I will be picked up and delivered home for the occasion. No Ifs - Ands - Buts about it. She asked what I wanted for my birthday…I chose not to share my real wish.

The final Neupogen shot happens tomorrow along with a double transfusion session, so I suggested we aim for Thursday afternoon.  With new blood coursing through my veins I should have the energy of a bear and will likely be more positive about the whole affair than I am right now. 

Still, it’s nice that she is thinking of me and wants to spend some quality time with me. (Ahem! What she really wants to do is get me drunk with friends. She may just succeed.) She and the other 4 cohorts are former co-workers of mine at Dos Locos, so it ought to be a hell of a good time.

Meanwhile, many of the ebooks I’ve downloaded in the resent past have been rejected for one reason or another. Bad writing, editing, proofing, and storytelling...and I don't think I'm that hard to please.

I find myself wanting to revisit books read many years ago.  I also find that they hold up better, writing-wise, than most of the new product on the market. Then imagine my surprise when, today I found another Pern book from the Dragon series. Of course, I downloaded it,  “The Dolphins of Pern” will be special (read distracting) for tomorrow while being transfused.  

Sometimes life does indeed suck, but this isn’t one of those times.

And so it goes.

Bye Archie. Ya Done Good.

It is very strange - a world without Archie - but the way he's going out is totally in character.  With dignity, courage, and class.

And so it goes.
*

Goodbye to Pern

I’ve read - or re-read - every one of the dragons of Pern books written by Anne McCaffrey. Also one or two co-written by Anne and son Todd. Haven’t braved reading any additional books written by Todd alone. He might just break the spell for me.

I’ve just finished the Harperhall Trilogy, which for some reason, she wrote as a stand-alone treat.  Truth is, the Harperhall books introduce certain characters already an integral part of the original trilogy. The background stories of these characters are embellished; their interconnectedness dovetails nicely into the entire series making fascinating reading for anyone who loves the world of Pern.

  

Unfortunately, for some reason known only to the publishers, the Harperhall trilogy (seen above) is not available for e-readers, only in paper cover.  I sprang for them only after checking with the library for possible availability. The library has the original trilogy, but not the others in the vast series. 

It felt awkward reading from real paper after two years of Kindle (now Nexus 7). First of all, the text cannot be enlarged, so I required much more light, to which I found it difficult to adjust. However, I plodded on and made it through.

Hello, New Stuff!

Sad to see the Pern saga come to an end, but all things must pass (now, where have I heard that before?) so I went in search of new material. I am on a mailing list called “Book Bub” that shoots a short list of 3 or 4 sale items right to my inbox 7 days a week. You choose the genre or categories, and suggestions are sent right to your inbox. The books are always offered in Kindle format, but there are occasional options for downloading Apple and Nook version, as well.

Many titles are new, or relatively new, with some oldies, but goodies thrown in to the mix for a brief time (that’s how I snagged the original Dragonriders of Pern trilogy) - usually 24 hours, some longer - and cost anywhere from $2.99 to NOTHING. 

I purchased this series for 99 cents.

And this one was free. It’s book 1 of 6 originally published in 2011, and sounded interesting to me. We'll see. I've been disappointed before...

I just downloaded this one last night, again for free - for a limited time only. Published in 2009, it seems to be enjoying a resurgence in popularity, so I snatched it up. Looking forward to this one alot. 

Once you order books through Book Bub, they are yours.  No hidden charges, fees, or a borrower’s limitation. I can read them, or not, as I feel the urge. Or, leave them in the “Cloud” until I’m ready to tackle one or another.

So, between what’s in the “Cloud” and on the device itself, I would say I’m ready for anything.  Happy reading, all.

And so it goes.

*

Tossin’ and Turnin’!

Just another sleepless night around these parts. I did fall asleep around 8 last night but was wide awake again by midnight. I stayed in the dark for a while hoping that sleep would return, but after an hour of that frustration, I turned on the lights and read until 4 am when I had to take my first drugs of the day. 

Scrambled up an egg and a slice of toast, followed it up with juice and a coffee Although I couldn’t eat it all, I felt better for the bit in my stomach.

Got a message from the Locosguys last evening asking that I give them some ideas for their upcoming long weekend trip to New Orleans. They want me to come by the restaurant today, and if I feel up to it I will take them up on their offer. I'd love the chance to see everyone and be out among the living for a change.

So, the dark, pre-dawn hours were spent collecting links to websites for restaurants that I know and love. I don’t know the guys' taste in foods, but I hope they are at least adventurous enough to try some very different dishes, or known dishes served up in unconventional ways.  Anyway, that’s up to them. I’m just preparing the list and will chat with them at length sometime today - I hope.

They’ve already made hotel reservations, using travel points, as they said, so I am not responsible for that part of the trip. I know little about the grand hotel they’ve booked, other than that it’s known locally as a hot, expensive tourist and conventioneer’s place.  Not something I would choose, but they ain’t me.  This is their first trip to the city, so they’ll have fun, I am sure.

All this has given me something to do to pass time otherwise spent reading. I’ve re-read all the Pern books I’d read years ago, plus I downloaded a few of the newer additions to the saga.  They’ve been a nice diversion and very quick reads. Sometimes too quick, if you get my drift. There are a few still that I haven’t read, so if this insomnia keeps hanging around, I might download one or two to remain occupied and pass the boring time.

I haven’t been on FB in over a month for obvious reasons, and I find that I don’t miss it. Turns out that it’s not what I thought it would be anymore - a far cry from anything remotely “social” at least to my mind. In any case, I doubt I’ll return after all this time. 

It's an absolutely glorious day here and since it's also Mother's Day, I hope I can find a parking spot near the restaurant.  If not, well...  It is what it is.

And so it goes.

*

The Brink? Or Scenic Overlook?

It was foggy with a light drizzle. The drive to the Cancer Center was a challenge, but I made it; grateful the tea with ginger stayed down. It was a battle of will all the way, though. Physically, I was sliding downhill so fast that when I found a place to park, I had no energy for the walk to the doors.

How long before I cannot make the drive myself?

Spotted by one of the Lab nurses (I must have looked a frightful mess) she tapped on the window and offered to get a wheelchair, or help me inside herself. Not wanting to make a scene (or risk being swept off to hospital) I asked for her assistance. 

Once inside there was no waiting. I was wheeled (like it or not) back to Infusion and with 3 nurses hovering, prepped for the transfusion as vitals were taken. Most of what happened is a blur now but somewhere along the line a mild panic ensued when they discovered my fever.  I thought it had subsided, but I was wrong - it was now at 100.2 and usually a red light, for some reason. 

Blood pressure was very low (even before the Benadryl injection), the room was spinning, my stomach bouncing like a beach ball, my head was pounding and I couldn’t breathe. 

Other than that, everything was fine.  

Arranged comfortably in an infusion chair, covered with warm blankets and legs elevated,  I was given 2 Tylenol and a Compazine (sp?) and ordered to remain still and quiet as more blood was drawn to check for possible new infections. 

I’d lost an additional half-pound of body weight since the day before - on top of 2 pounds lost in the last week. What can I say? 

I nodded off, or passed out. I was disoriented when I came to, realized there was supposed to be a doctor appt before the transfusions and asked what happened. Seems the oncologist thought it best to start the blood products to settle me down first. He came in later, sat in an adjacent chair and went over treatment in the immediate future.  Anyway, this happened later, much later.

Took a while to find a good vein, but finally an IV drip was begun. When the nurse saw the multiple poke marks where porting was unsuccessful, she asked why I didn’t want a PICC port? Because I didn’t know if I was a candidate, or if I qualified, and no one ever suggested it, that’s why. She made a quick note for the doctor in my computer chart, patted my arm and began to pump the Benadryl as the new blood began to flow slowly. 

Vitals were checked again after 15 minutes - fever was down to 99.9, but blood pressure remained too low for their taste.  It was decided that another unit of blood was needed and I wouldn’t be going anywhere for the duration. Like I had somewhere to go?

Doctor arrived waving lab results and offering new suggestions for the next course of action.  Yes, it all happened like that and that fast. First, he studied the latest blood results and my answers to the usual “how you doing” questions. Wrote a prescription for an antibiotic to address the boils and acne, another one for compazine for the nausea, one more for the increased back pain (from lying in bed too long) and then got down to the next phase of my treatment.

He started the ball rolling for a new oral chemo drug called Revlimid.  Which turns out to be not that new, after all.  Revlimid is primarily used to treat anemia caused by Myelofibrosis and other myelodysplastic blood diseases. I say started the ball rolling because it seems this stuff requires a long drawn out procedure to get started. 

I am running out of patience with this long-drawn-out waiting shit and told him so.

Initially, the request is made for the drug from a special, authorized pharmacy (drug not available from your regular corner drug store) which can take up to 2 weeks for approval. The patient is contacted for who-the-fuck-knows what reasons, then the drug is delivered directly to the patient’s home. No, really.  I’m not making this up.

When the patient receives the drug a call must be made to the Cancer Center prior to the first dose.  The patient must report receipt of the drug to a specific person in the oncologist’s office. Don’t ask, there is no reason for, nor explanation given for this extra step.  

Keep in mind, this all hinges on the patient being accepted for the drug and by that I assume the patient’s ability to PAY. The insurance, if any, and the level of coverage the patient enjoys are, I am sure, major factors. 

As usual, the side effects read like a bad horror movie, and as usual, are downplayed as being “rare and isolated.”  Yeah, sure.. Uh-huh.

It was mid-afternoon by the time the second unit began flowing that the fever was down, the nausea was almost gone and while the BP remained low, it wasn’t in the danger zone. Oh, and I was one hungry puppy.  All good signs. 

Carefully, I picked at half of a chicken salad sandwich followed by a fruit cup and was pleased when all settled well. Must admit, that tiny bit of food filled me up quite well. Curious, that. 

The doctor’s nurse appeared with news that a PICC port had been approved, and gave instructions for the initial appointment with the surgeon assigned to the procedure.  This will be a permanent addition to my chest and eliminate the vein search problem once and for all.  Many patients sport them and seem to experience no discomfort.  I’m all for that.  No more blown veins!  Yay!

So in about 2 weeks time I will be implanted and there will be yet another new twist in my healthcare and my body. 

The sun was setting as I was released from all tubing and I was eyed carefully by the nurses as I made my way (on foot) out to the car. The prescriptions were waiting for pickup at the pharmacy, so I pushed myself to make that one stop before heading home. Though I staggered like a drunkard, I was successful and home within a half hour.

Changed clothes, made a tea, and began reading through the pile of new documents received (and signed for) throughout the day. Nice to be more coherent than when I left home this morning. What a difference new blood and a new medication can make in such a short time.

Back from the brink, again? How many more of these trips can one person endure? I wonder. The decline seems to occur more rapidly each time, but for some reason they don’t scare me as they used to.

Thanks to the pleasure of re-reading the “Pern” trilogy by Anne McCaffrey, I’ve been able to put most of the pain out of my mind this past week.  Even after 30+ years, the stories, human characters, dragons, events, and world of her books are still alive and well.  It’s been a great joy to rediscover that world and immerse myself in her characters and their lives.

I dare say at least one of them would make a great Pixar film.

Anyway, that’s enough. The long and short of it. I’m not well and so it’s off to bed - just me, my trusty painkillers, and my book.

And so it goes.

*

The Ugly Has Returned.

Not doing well - again - and have spent  the last 2 days in bed either asleep, reading, or fighting off nausea. The body has rebelled against one of the new meds by presenting plagues of acne, and nasty, painful boils. No appetite to speak of; no food sounds enticing or even interesting. No energy for its preparation, either. I eat what I can, when I can, and pray it stays down. 

It amazes me how quickly things can change - I mean, in a matter of a few hours - and life is miserable all over again. To top it off,  I knew there was trouble when I spiked a fever of 100.1 this morning. Slammed right into that big wall of WTF!  Really.

This turn of events is a far cry from only a few days ago. I felt like taking on the world. Now I can barely put on my own socks and shoes without resting between each process. It’s like there’s not enough oxygen in the room.

There's a doctor's appointment this morning before transfusion where I will learn the next course of action he has planned. I think it may be a chemo.  We’ll see.

Reading has taken my mind off what I’m dealing with, for the most part. Since I spend most time in bed, I’ve not read, or kept up with my favorite bloggers.  I hope that will change after today’s transfusion. 

Though I am scheduled for one unit, something tells me that 2 are in my future once they do a new blood workup. We’ll see.  I also want the nausea issue to be addressed, because that’s really the worst lately. Tea with ginger and lemon help, but not for long and only if I lie down immediately.

I find dry heaves painful and exceedingly unattractive. 

We’ll be back after these messages…

And o it goes.

*

New Tarot, New Desk, & Old Dragons.

Oh My!  The new Tarot deck arrived today. And it is magnificent! A nicely packaged kit and a deck I am anxious to learn - without benefit of the study guide. Well, it's not like I have a shortage of time on my hands,  now is it??? Quality of that time and the ability to concentrate are a whole 'nother story. 

The tax refunds have been deposited and I have decided to treat myself to a

personal luxury before the money goes to anything else. A new computer desk with stacked storage and of simple design. Spent the morning searching furniture, office, and computer accessory sites, including Overstock, Staples, and Amazon.  Narrowed the field to three options considering the floor space available, work space needed, and in the price range I gave myself.  I wanted something utilitarian, as well as light and airy.  No heavy, dark wood.  Life can be dark and heavy enough. Something of glass and metal with lots of room, shelf space, and storage options.

I found the right piece at Amazon, and with Amazon Prime shipping is free. The desk will require assembly, and will be delivered on Tuesday. Linda (the wee Irish Lass and GM at DL) has offered to assemble it for me. Since the delivery folks are not likely to bring the package up the stairs and into the apartment, Linda will pop over from the restaurant to help me bring it up in case of bad weather. I am excited about this purchase. I haven't had a real desk/workstation since my last house back in 2006. Yes, I think I deserve this one, big time! The desk looks small, but isn't. The two units measure 60" wide and the desk measures 24" deep.  Plenty of room for my work needs. In my space, the units will be reversed. The storage shelves will be on the right, next to the outside wall, but...never mind.

My supper this evening will be a recipe posted by Peter (the dear) at TIPPIN' THE SCALES. It required a bit of tweaking, since I'm only one person and a few ingredients didn't jibe with the cooking instructions, but no matter. It's going to be wonderful. Only missing one ingredient, the fresh bell pepper.  (Since I'm not allowed to eat raw veggies anymore, I had to purchase one for this dish.)  All else is on hand.  I'm in the mood for a rich stir-fry and this recipe certainly fills that bill.  

I finished reading Herman Hesse's Siddhartha last night. The story still grabs me in all the appropriate places in my life.  It was a quicker read than I remembered it, but this being a new translation may have made the difference.  Still, powerful and worth the read.

I happen to be on the email list of something called "Book Bub" which offers daily specials on ebooks for Kindle, Apple and others at really low prices. Sometimes, even free. I've made many purchases from the site - all downloaded directly to the Kindle, or, nowadays, the Nexus 7 - in a few minutes. 

Most of the books are new or newer releases, but sometimes they offer older gems, again for free or deeply discounted. Many are available as ebooks for the first time and when I find one read previously in book form and would like to read it again, I download it to the reader, or store it in the Cloud (I love typing that!) for enjoying at a later date. 

You may want to check them out. Google Book Bub and sign up if you're interested. You never know what treasures will be included in the mailings. 

Among the offerings this weekend was one such golden oldie trilogy. (Yes, these are "limited time only" sales) It's Anne McCaffrey's "The Dragonriders of Pern" - includes all three books in the original series and all for under two-bucks! How fast can you say "download" class? She wrote more in the series as time went by, but the original trilogy is about 40 years old.  I am looking forward to reading them again. Here's a screen-grab from the email. (click to embiggen)

While I was out picking just the right bell pepper, I picked up a larger pot for the little European Cypress tree. It must like its home, because it has grown, not so much UP as OUT, it's pot-bound, and it's only been living here for 3 months.  So, before I begin making the stir-fry, I will get the transplanting out of the way. I don't want the little darling to go and die on me. 

I don't know where this excess energy is coming from, but I welcome it anytime, anywhere. Feeling like death warmed over isn't great. I'll take this for as long as it lasts. 

And so it goes.

*

Record-keeping, Comparisons, & New Tablet

It's just about lunch time and I am already bone tired. Since my wake-up times seem to be getting earlier and earlier, and I have great quantities of energy at that time, I accomplish much while it's still dark outside.

Had a coffee and light breakfast before taking the  morning meds. While running a load of laundry (Damn! those stairs are killers.) I made new file folders for the myriad medical entities I owe money to and will have to pay off - eventually.  Prepped food for supper and returned it to the refrigerator for later, JIC I run out of steam and can't stand up long enough to do both prep and cook.  Yes, it's come to that. And no, I will not dwell.

Went through all old files in the cabinet and shredded those 6 or more years old.  No need to have them around. The shredder was one of the best investments I've ever made. (Shred into bags, put bags into recycle bin downstairs.) Balanced the checkbook, paid a few bills online that were coming due in a few days.

Logging in for email I found the electronic gift card from Staples, covering the cost of the dead Kindle Fire.  That was quick. Turns out, they refunded the entire purchase price even though the newer tablets are more advanced and cost less than 2 years ago. I am not complaining. I'll take it.

There was also a nice surprise statement from a credit card containing the new cash-back balance available. Since I use cards for everything (never cash, if I can help it) it's amazing how quickly the percentage points grow over time.  Plus, I'd rather use their money over the month, not mine.

Taking the advice of the 2 geeks at the restaurant, I did more serious comparison shopping between the Samsung Tab 3 and the Google/Nexus 7 ver. 2.  It's piece of cake to "compare products" online nowadays. Saved and printed relevant pages, highlighted options important to my needs, and had another coffee while making the decision. 

Staples Odyssey: The Unprofessional Edition 

Read recent news reports about the financial problems facing Staples, I can totally understand why.  First, their website is convoluted, many items are not in categories one would expect them to be, and while they offer a "find store" option, what pops up is the address and phone number.  One cannot navigate to that specific store to check stock on items. The site always brings you back to a store in a large metropolitan area, which for me is Philadelphia, or Baltimore.

I wanted to check for sale prices and availability at the local Rehoboth Beach, DE store, but couldn't do it.  And the purchase must be made in store, not online. Why?  Because the certificate is only valid for in-store purchases. Bar code must be scanned at the time of the transaction. I didn't want to waste time driving to the store if the item wasn't in stock. 

That may sound trite, even lazy, but with vertigo and shortness of breath, I prefer to stay off the roads as much as possible. I don't want to be the cause of an accident and run the risk of hurting someone. 

I called the local store several times, getting bumped or put on hold every time.  I know they're tech staff isn't busy at 7:30 am, please!!! When I finally got through to the "tech" desk (yes, well) the nimrod had no idea what I was asking for. He finally wrote down verbatim what I was looking for, put me on hold (again) for at least 10 minutes before returning to tell me he "thought" there were 5 of the items in stock, but wasn't sure.

I asked that he check with someone who could be sure as I was facing a difficult drive and wanted to confirm that I would leave the store with the item in hand. He sounded quite annoyed as I was put on hold again.  This time a woman got on the line and asked for the information - all over again. Meanwhile the sun is moving high in the sky and traffic will begin to get heavy.

When she returned to give me the good news, she had a changed attitude when she realized that this was going to be a nice chunk-of-change sale for her store.   She even offered to put the item aside for me (like they were going to sell 5 of these things on a wednesday morning, uh-huh) and asked if she could collect any other things on my list so they would be all together waiting for me when I arrived.  Sweet!

I gave her my list of needs and told her I'd be there to pickup within an hour.  She almost made me laugh when she informed me that she couldn't hold an unpaid-for item for more than that. WTF did she think I was spending all this time on a prank?  

To make a long story short, I chose the Nexus 7 tablet and picked it up with a new portable box (for the medical files) and a few odds and ends that needed replacing.  I could have been in and out of the store in a half hour, but they had to located a manager with keys to the electronic storage (she was outside the store smoking when I arrived) who had turned off her communication headset for some personal quiet. BTW, not the same woman who helped organize my purchase.

When I found this out I blew my top at her.  The only person with keys is unreachable,  takes a half-hour smoke break at 10 am!!! Turns out she is also the district manager for DE, and the peninsula. When she got pissy with me I made it clear in my best big-boy voice that she was clearly in a position beyond her talents, abilities, and attitude toward customer service. 

Believe it or not, as she retrieved the item from the secure storage area and placed it with the other items under my name, she got into my face and - - - stuck her tongue out at me in front of staff and other customers, then walked away. Surprised and a little stunned by this action of a 50+ year-old (professional?) woman, I laughed loud and hard.  I then followed to get the name off her employee badge (which she tried to hide from view). A complaint will be lodged at some point this day. 

Anyway…I have the new Nexus 7, which is a tad taller, though lighter than the Kindle Fire, but still fits well in the hand. So, that's over and done. I am pretty spent  now, and will enjoy the rest of the day relaxing, learning how to use it. That ought to take up most of my time. I'll finish the file sorting later, or tomorrow - whenever I feel up to it. Nothing is a rush anymore.

More importantly, I have my reading material to help me through the weekend medical mishugas, and that's all that matters. 

Just received a reminder call from the Cancer Center letting me know that I have Labs and a follow-up appointment with the doctor tomorrow morning, and if it's anything like past weeks, I'll need transfusions on Friday morning, as well. 

Oh, happy days! 

And so it goes.

TMI: PLEASE READ ME A STORY!

1. Describe your favorite place to cozy-up with a good book.

Bed, propped up with a few pillows with a tall glass of water on the night stand.

2. What do you read when you're on the toilet?

Nothing. 

3. Do you read when taking a bath?

Yes. Though that's a luxury seldom indulged in anymore.

4. If you can, do you read when at the gym?

No, too distracting, but not applicable anymore.

5. Do you still read newspapers and or magazines?

Yes, magazines in paper format, but newspapers mostly online. Regular reads include The Guardian, NY Times, BBC World, Mother Jones, TheNation, TPM, and our weekly local paper which has a well formatted online presence and is FREE!

6. What are your favorite genres to read?

Historical non-fiction, Sci-Fi, and whatever catches my attention. I am not a "best seller" reader, per se.

7. Do you read one book at a time or can you read several?

I immerse myself in one book at a time.  Give it all the attention it deserves. 

8. If you start a book, do you finish it no matter what?

Hell, no.  Life is too short. Poor writing, editing, crappy story lines that don't live up to the hype turn me off within the first few chapters. And typos drive me to distraction.  Too many and I'm done.

9. Did your parents read to you when you were growing up?

No.

10. Have you read to your kids/nephews/nieces?

Yes. Many years ago. They always received books from me as gifts at birthdays and Christmas.  Usually, a book they requested.  

11. How do you feel about reading books vs. using electronic devices? Have your feelings evolved from one or two years ago?

I love my Kindle Fire. No space for the real things.  Gave thousands of books to local libraries.  My library is stored in the iCloud or on the device, not bookshelves. Purchased and available, but not taking up valuable living space. It goes with me everywhere.  Eats up waiting times at doctor's appointments and while being transfused.  Takes my mind off of the depressing surroundings.  

BONUS  

When was the last time you looked at or read an adult magazine to satisfy yourself? When was the last time you even saw one? 

Long, long ago in a galaxy far, far away.

Note: as a child I read only what was required for school (no child should be required to read Dickens at 10-years of age, I had nightmares for years afterward), became a serious reader after high school when I moved to NYC and hung out with other avid readers.  There was no stopping me after that.  I had to go back and read all the classics I'd missed growing up - and it was great fun.

And so it goes.

*

Reading, Reviews, and the Ridiculous.

I'm sure I mentioned a fascinating book I read last month: "Theodore Roosevelt and the Assassin; Madness, Vengeance, and the Campaign of 1912 - by Gerard Helferich.  I read the Kindle edition.  This is not a review of the book, itself.

Reading it took longer than expected, what with all the medical mishugas, drugs, transfusions dogging my everyday activities, but I finally finished it.  It was great, but I felt that I had missed (or forgotten over time) some of the historical data, and subtle nuances of the story taken from the historic documents.

So, I read it again.  I always get more out of a second reading, anyway, but this one proved amazingly well researched and written. This reading went faster. Fortunately, I bought this book, so it's safe in the 'cloud' whenever I want to revisit it. I love saving books this way. Though I only save a few faves that I know I'll want to check in on from time to time.

I've since downloaded and tried reading a few other books, modern sci-fi mostly, but I've deleted them after a few chapters. Bad writing, awful plots, silly language, dull characters, rehashed story-lines from previous writers, you name it they had it.  Is this what it's like when you get old and have read all the good stuff?

Anyway, as I was hunting for new reading material I decided to check out a few reviews of the Roosevelt book. Most agreed with my assessment, even offering more reasons why I should read it once again. Then, I came upon a wonderful little review comparing the book cover and a poster of a so-called celebrity and I was blown away.  

I laughed so hard there were tears in my eyes. Someone actually made the comparison between Roosevelt's situation in 1912, his response, and commitment, to this whiny-ass hip-hop dude in 2013.  It reminded me of the comment I read by Kanye West that he "is tougher than any soldier." More than anything, he believes his own lyrics, but most of all, his own hype. 

Here are the images, side-by-side.  Priceless.

If you are only slightly interested in American History and America's Politics you will enjoy this book.

And so it goes.
*

Limited Success, Limitless Bull**it, & Teddy Roosevelt

Who knew a single well-directed, terse email would garner such results?  The telephone rang 5 times throughout the day Tuesday.  First from the Christiana surgeon's head nurse who noted receiving a "reminder" catching up to sort out any misunderstanding  or confusion. She even read from my computer file which was open in front of her and verified a number of items that had been updated from last week's transfusion.  That, in itself was a positive experience.

 It appears everyone in the office goes on holiday between Thanksgiving and New Year. The office remains open, runs pretty much on auto-pilot, idling through the month primarily maintaining or stabilizing existing patients.  Great!  Why did no one tell me this before?  Oh, never mind.

All other calls, staffers setting up lab and additional test appointments, were apologetic and dripping with mea culpas.  At times the sweetness oozed so much I thought a few teeth might rot and fall out of my mouth.

In any case, after all the tripping over one another to appease a crazy old man, I have an appointment in Christiana on Friday morning - this Friday - not next month. 

In other news, yet another letter was received from the State Health services informing me that my assistance (which went into effect 12/2013) was being cancelled.  (Assistance I didn't know about, I might add.) Why? The $2.97 increase in monthly SSA payments that begin this month - January, 2014, that's why. Of course, the Health Service received the news of the increase, not I.  Previous history has taught me to believe it when it appears in my bank account.  Not before. 

In all honesty, I don't think this "assistance" was ever applied to anything related to my well being, or healthcare. Certainly no money ever appeared in my account.  So, easy come - and all that. I can't fight this crap anymore. 

After a few day's delay caused by the Polar Vortex (sounds like the name of a 1960s rock band, doesn't it?), the new printer arrived last evening. The box sits in the middle of the living room unopened.  I have no energy to cope with the setup right now.  Perhaps it is a good thing to just let the contents thaw out for another day or two.

Found a new book to pass time during the Lab work tomorrow and anything thrown at me on Friday.  "Theodore Roosevelt and the Assassin" by Gerard Helferich,  (published in 2013) is of course, the story of the attempted assassination of Roosevelt during the presidential campaign of 1912. Roosevelt left office after 2 terms, became disappointed and figuring he could do a better job than his hand-picked successor - Taft, decided to run for a third term. Teddy was then stalked by a crazy German-American immigrant would-be assassin. Sounds like a good read. We'll see.

Now, if you'll excuse me I have to crunch some numbers to decide just what medical bill that extra $2.97 will help me pay. You can't make this stuff up.

Stay warm everyone. I hear we're suppose to break the freezing point today.  Woo-hoo!  A heat wave.

And so it goes.

*