The Scots, Shorter Turkey Day, & Shopping UK

Finished the ebook “How the Scots Invented the Modern World” and highly recommend it for history buffs and Anglophiles for a quick and easy, insightful read. I am sure Ur-Spo would enjoy it. And maybe even Ron at (Retired in Delaware) since he's into genealogy and family histories. In fact, anyone who enjoys the historic connections between the Britons and the Americans will learn a great deal that we didn’t read about in our history books. 

The Scottish Enlightenment, the brutal, horrific Highland Clearances, the great thinkers and doers, the proud and wide-spread Philosophy of Scottish Educational System. Absolutely fascinating. It was probably a quick read because so many real life characters were written in a way that made their historic deeds and past lives before - and during - the diaspora that much more interesting. I  hope that makes sense.

I am now on to LOTR which ought to take me well into December and away from anything and everything unpleasant. Since these are real wood-pulp books, they’ll be more of a chore to lug to and from medical appointments, but we’ll get it done.

Special Alert: Today I am in a quandary and I need help.  No matter how much I clear out the one, single closet in this apartment, there is always more to find. I came upon two more large tubs today containing items that must be identified, sorted, cleaned (if usable) thrown away (if not) and that may just be the one thing a shopper at the Thrift store is looking for. I don’t know where it is all coming from and half is unrecognizable. Now Back to Regular Blogging.

I am not looking forward to Thanksgiving. Never really liked the holiday as a kid - too much family mishugass ending in arguments and creating bad feelings

too close to the real holidays.  We weren’t a sports kind of family, so verbally beating up on relatives was the order of the day. As a kid I remember that after helping clean up the kitchen my refuge was the  bedroom where I would listen to music or read for the duration. I was never missed.

Only as a gay adult in a “stable” relationship did I begin relating to the holiday. My house became the go-to place for wayward gays and lesbians with no other place to go. From NYC and NJ, to the Delaware shore. Over the years it became a tradition.  The first year there were 5 waifs; over the years the numbers fluctuated from 5 to 11 and it was all good fun. I usually did the cooking - others brought side dishes or desserts - and everyone else cleaned up.  We'd listen to music, dance and/or watch movies on the teevee machine. Spanning the eras from Vinyl to CD; VHS to DVDs.  Very relaxing times. That life, all those people are long gone. It’s a day like any other, albeit a quieter one and I don’t miss the work and fuss one tiny bit. 

It has been over a month since I ordered the “V” shape pillow from the company in the UK.  It has now been 26 days since I received word that the package had been ‘dispatched’ but to this date, the package has not yet arrived. 

The reply to my request of “Hey! What Gives” returned a familiar excuse to us Americans - “it’s the busiest time of year for the Royal Mail as it is absolutely swamped, so please be patient and give it another 3 to 5 days.”  Well, what else can I do?  They have my money and the damned thing is somewhere between the UK and the US, probably in a small steam powered boat chugging it's way across the Atlantic.  Hhrumph!

I think I’ll partake of one of those Scottish imports that must get old to be respectfully enjoyed.  A bit of single malt Scotch Whisky.  But, that’s for much later…

I am amazed.

*

From Pain Comes Pizza.

Being a shut in today and that’s OK, especially after such a rough and restless night. Leg and ankle swelling made getting into a comfortable position a physical challenge. I sat up most of the night reading; falling asleep whenever I could.

As it now stands, Ireland is going to be hosting friend Linda another week. The results of the original biopsy proved inconclusive so she had to endure another one, having to wait for these results until early next week.  How the results could be inconclusive she says she can’t understand because the chunk of flesh they took out of her was quite large.

Anyway, she’s stuck.  Be that as it may, she told me this morning that flight reservations are made for next Thursday (our puny Thanksgiving - and what it’s become - means nothing to the Irish) so she is planning to come home no matter what the results of the latest biopsy reveal.  One can tell, even by the written words, that she is one pissed off Irish Lass and most folks would be wantin’ to stay out of her way these next few days.  

Jeffrey just checked in to see if I was in need and if I felt up to meeting him for an after-shift cocktail today. I nixed the cocktail idea but asked if he would deliver a small pizza after work from my fave place. He said it wouldn’t be a problem. We’ll try to meet up for a festive cocktail later in the weekend, if possible.

A fresh pizza - delivered! That’s great! I have no beer, but a shot of Jameson’s might be in order. With the swollen legs, pain and weakness, I couldn’t prepare a hot meal for myself tonight, anyway. I am pretty tired of cold turkey sandwiches, of you get my drift.

A nice reward for putting up with the pain. Pain meds following the pizza should put me down for the rest of the night and I’ll be on my feet (literally) tomorrow morning.

I am amazed.

*

New Month, New Day, New Tarot Cards.

I was amused, though not shocked by theTarot Card for the Month of November.

I was quite taken aback, however, by the card for today, 4 November, 2014. Both are on the money. That said, I am still waiting for my reading from Dr. Spo, unless he sent it and it went into the junk drawer.

I am slowly getting used to being back in the real world and though I tire easily I find I can accomplish more than I imagined. My body clock is still wacky - waking up for meds in the middle of the night and all that - but it’s slowly getting back to it’s own rhythm. 

The visiting nurse showed up yesterday to check my vitals and check my overall outlook for the future.  Big mistake, that. Her patient information was riddled with inconsistencies and outdated medication data. I had to bring her up to date. Two hours later, she was out the door with a promise to return next Monday to check progress and perhaps discharge me as her patient.

Hospital fashion accessories.

Unpacked most things from the hospital, called for an appointment for Lab work at the Cancer Center on Wednesday morning, and promptly needed bed rest.  Not that strong yet. Slept through until 3:30 am today.

Felt stronger this morning; friend Jeffrey took me to the Polls - yes I voted and surprisingly it was crowded - then we decided to go out to breakfast. A first time for me in many months, and most enjoyable for us both. Gave me a chance to be out and about while we caught up on news and local politics as I realized I didn't have to wear the isolation mask, and had a pretty strong appetite for a change. It’s about time. Seems I’ve lost over 30 pounds, not the 20 pounds I had suspected. 

While he had me out and about anyway, he took me to do some light grocery shopping for things that fill in the gaps, like (canned/frozen) fruit, puddings, bagels, ice cream, juices, and even some cheese. I have been craving spicy sausage, cheese, and crackers.  Now I’ve got it.

After over 3 hours it was time to get back. The legs took to wobbling and balance began to go west, if you get my drift. So, he brought me home, brought the groceries upstairs, and helped me put the refrigerated items away before he headed back to the polls where he is on call this afternoon and evening.

Linda’s had car trouble, so I doubt I’ll see her today, but we have talked by phone and text. I’ve offered her my car, but she’s ignored the suggestion. I guess she’s afraid it might be needed in an emergency if I needed to go back to hospital. I don't see that happening right now.

She has taken it upon herself to organize every aspect of my daily recovery and I cannot tell you how comforting it is to know that. She sent over another container of her rich, meaty Irish stew yesterday, so I have another 2 home made meals that only require heating up for a minute or two. Nice.

I have part of a rotisserie chicken left and just might scrape up the energy to make a chicken noodle soup later in the week.

It is a perfect Autumn day with temps in the 50s - 60s, which is good luck for me. With the rash on my feet and legs it’s impossible to wear long trousers, my street clothes consisted of cargo shorts, long sleeve shirt and Dos Locos Hoodie. I was toasty enough and the cool air felt good on the rash and legs. 

Now, I’ve gotten out of the street clothes and into sweats, am about to crawl under the covers, maybe enjoy a nap. A lot was accomplished today in a short time, it seems more like a whole day has passed, it's only mid-day.

I am amazed.

*

Update: No Bounce. No Boost.

I am disappointed. I’m not feeling much of a boost to my energy level, even after the platelets and blood earlier this week. Still short of breath upon exertion, and tend to get sleepy at any time of the day.  Then I can’t sleep at night. So, I read. 

Don’t feel like doing much of anything else.  Nothing that would take me from the apartment, that is.

There soon will be no water under the bridge… I’m drinking even more than I am used to and can’t seem to get enough to quench my thirst.

The Nexus is charging for later this afternoon/evening reading.  So, I decided to make a pot of soup. Chicken Noodle it is. Made the stock yesterday and just brought it back to a simmer. Tastes OK, for what it is. Didn’t have noodles so pasta will have to do. Chopped tomatoes and onions, along with the chicken will round it out. 

The best part is it requires little attention. I don’t have the energy to stand around the kitchen stirring a big pot of soup all day. I hope I remembered the recipe and it’s at least as good as the one I enjoyed the other day at the Center. 

Had two meals yesterday - a sandwich and a frozen entree (God I hate those things!) plus an Ensure, so I can’t be weak from lack of food or water.

Don’t know why my body isn’t bouncing back as it usually does (or did) but I’ll find out more tomorrow when I head back to the center for new Labs and a CBC.

When the Center called today to check on me, I explained the situation.  They told me to continue drinking all the water I craved and to arrive for my appointment an hour earlier.  That must mean something is up.

The bruising on my arms and legs is spreading and is now sore to the touch. Swelling has not receded as I thought it would. Don’t know what that’s all about either.  Low Platelets?  Dunno, but will find out in the morning.

Taking it one hour at a time. It is what it is. I’ll deal with whatever comes up as it happens.

And so it goes.

*

Hemoglobin and Homemade Jewish Penicillin

Taking one look at me the doctor was amazed that I’d broken nothing in the fall. Still swollen and badly bruised in places I can’t imagine would hit the floor in such a fall, unless I happen to bounce once or twice. Now, there’s an image for you.

Hemoglobin still lower than it ought to be, so I received another unit of blood this afternoon. I thought this might be the case, so I prepared in advance. Nexus was fully charged and helped make the 3.5 hours go that much faster. I seem to be on an Historical novel kick at present that are engaging, fairly well written, with special attention to even minor historic bits.

One of the volunteers made home cooked chicken noodle soup, you know, Jewish Penicillin, and brought it in to go with the lunch sandwiches prepared for the patients.  I love the soup, but the packaged stuff is so full of salt and preservatives that I almost never eat it, except in emergencies.  I had a huge mug of the stuff and it was perfect. 

I feel better this evening. Hoping to sleep better tonight, as well. I should feel the positive impact of extra platelets and blood by tomorrow. I have no where to go and no errands to run, so I’ll stick close to home and maybe do some laundry.

And since it’s beginning of Autumn I may just make a big pot of soup myself.  I should have the energy to make that happen.

Right now I am exhausted. Completely wrung out and ready to sleep into the new day feeling like new again.  May it be so.

And so it goes.

* 

Just a Thought: Oysters

Closer to Heaven than you can even imagine.

*

Chemo, Crisis, Happy Hour & The Cloud

Third day of the final 7 for this cycle of Chemo and it’s another whole new

misadventure. Rash has returned to the arms, hands and wrists are swollen to double their normal size, and skin is flaking off of my body - everywhere. Charming, no?

Mini-crisis yesterday when I spiked a fever before the Chemo injections.  Temperature had to be brought down before the OK was given to go ahead. Took about 1.5 hours.  Like, forever!

This meant that Happy Hour with Sasha was  postponed until today.  And it worked out well for us both. Since we were both out on the road and out of town, it was easy to text and coordinate times for the meet up and cocktails. We settled on FINS, one of the restaurants that also has a place in town, but same owners, staff, chefs, etc. Sasha was a few minutes late, having to pick up one of his sons at Day Care, and return him home.

We made up for lost time quickly. He had lots to talk about and I was happy to listen. Not much for me to share except for the daily adventures in medical care and that’s just way too repetitious. We caught up on everything possible, the summer season, customers who still ask for me, and his concern for my health, while knocking back HH drink specials, chowing down on fresh, hot & spicy boiled shrimp, oysters, and fish and chips. 

We stayed way beyond HH, but the barman charged us at the HH prices for our extra drinks.  Nice gesture. Although we didn’t know them by name, the bar staff knew us from the business, too and treated us very well.

One barman tagged me as gay and so when Sasha arrived assumed we were a couple.  After 2 drinks Sasha started playing along. This particular barman was not amused and began to ignore us until one of the other guys set him straight - so to speak. It was funny really, because Sasha gave me a big hug before we left the pub, then another one outside the front door.  He said, let’s fuck with his homophobic head, shall we? As we parted, he kissed me on both cheeks, then the mouth.  What can I say…he’s Russian!!!

He’s taking his lovely wife out to dinner for her birthday tonight to a favorite restaurant from when they were dating - before marriage and the boys. It’s to be a surprise and our little get together was a great way to throw her off any scent she may have had about his plans. 

Sasha is not yet 30 and an incurable romantic. He loves his wife very much and it’s a joy to watch them when they’re together in public. Very low key, but very devoted to one another. 

Needless to say the bar food was more than enough for me - more than I’ve had at one sitting in a while, but it was so good to be with my friend, laughing, drinking, eating, and trading stories that I’ll sleep well tonight.

Now if only the itching and swelling would disappear life would be very good indeed.  

Bother!  I’ve supposedly downloaded the new (free) U2 album from iTunes, but I  can’t find it. I don’t know how to use the damned cloud and there is no button on the page to offer guidance. Another one of those “Apple is so simple, it’s right in front of your face, but you don’t see it” kind of things.

In all fairness to myself, I have never downloaded music from iTunes. Only copied my own music CDs into the program then shared with the phone and iPod.  And this content resides on the hard drive, not the cloud. No idea where to start looking. Sigh.

And so it goes.

 *

Mirliton: That’s Good Eatin’, Yeah!

On the vine.

They must be recovering nicely to find them this far north. This is a Mirliton - a backyard perennial and staple of the southern Louisiana diet for years. They grew wild in the woods behind my family home in NOLA and they are delicious eating. 

Mirliton (also known as Chayote) are a succulent squash-like vegetable with an avocado-like single pit, and can be served in many ways; from salads to stuffed, to main course casseroles or side dishes. They are extremely good when pickled.  It was thought that they were practically extinct in the aftermath of Katrina and Rita, but since they grow like weeds, they eventually got a grip somewhere and are coming back strong.

I can’t believe I found them at a local supermarket, unfortunately not the one I frequent most often. I just happened to be in this store because it’s the best place to find elephant garlic, which I needed for a dish. These were wrapped individually and pampered for their journey north. That’s as it should be

Stuffed with Shrimp & Crab.

Anyway, these mirliton are smaller than I remember them, so I bought 3 since I don’t remember if they handle freezing well.  I will certainly make good use of these babies. This is another one of those times that I get angry about the loss of my sense of taste. 

I have no family recipes to fall back on. Well, who’d have thought I’d find a mirliton this far north, in the first place.  Fortunately, there are tons of recipes online and some pretty close to what I remember my grandmother making when I was a kid.

Feels like I’m closer to heaven this evening.

And so it goes.

*

Cooking, Cleaning, and Closet Treasures

I decided to be productive on Sunday. Drove down to the boardwalk at dawn for the sunrise. It was more crowded than usual.  Probably due to the mild temps and low humidity we’ve been enjoying this week. Took a few shots of the super moon which I may post another time.

I whipped up a big batch of Chili with beef to be frozen in individual containers. With the constant weight loss I need more protein than usual and that will help in a lot of ways.  Next, (because I had a hankerin’) I whipped up a casserole of white beans, rice, peppers, onions, cheese, and sausage.  Although it freezes well, I made a smaller one that will provide 3 good size meals. OK, maybe four. 

Received an email from a customer/friend from Dos Locos asking about our getting together next weekend.  They have the kids with them this weekend and knew that wouldn’t work. (I’d have to wear the damned mask!) Since I’m done with the Chemo tomorrow and free for the next 3 weeks, I said yes, lets do it. They even offered to pick me up and bring me home.  Hope the plans materialize. These folks are the best.

Spent some time rearranging, cleaning out the closet; removing shirts, slacks, sweaters that haven’t been worn in 2 years (or more), folding and placing them in large plastic bags to go to the thrift store later this week. I found 2 shirt boxes full of neckties which I haven’t worn since the Jewelry store closed, so out they go as well. I must say, I wore some handsome ties in my day. 

In the process of ransacking I came upon my kilts, which haven’t been worn in quite a few years themselves. Well, wearing them to work was not going to happen. A Scottish kilt in a Mexican restaurant wouldn’t cut it. The 6 or 7 day work week didn’t leave much time for being social, so they stayed in their wrappings in the back of the closet all this time. My favorite is the utility kilt that I wore quite a bit. The other is a Black Watch Tartan for more formal wear. 

Speaking of formal wear, I didn’t find my tuxedo kilt in the lot, so I guess my EX took that one with him as part of the settlement. It wouldn’t surprise me. That could also explain why the Sporran (pouch) is missing, too. Oh well, it is what it is. It's easy enough to find another Sporran. Anyway, the kilts need a trip to the cleaners and then maybe I’ll wear them on occasion, like when I go out on the town…hahahahahahaha!!! Ouch!  I think I hurt myself.

My crazy neighbor was hootin’ & hollerin’ all day (must’a been something good on the teevee machine) so to drown him out I played jazz - instrumental and vocal - very loud. Nothing like it to make the day’s work go faster and smoother.  It also kept me from beating on the walls shared by our apartments.

I need to fuel up the car.  The driving done in July - to and from the Center or hospital - almost every day - really racked up the miles, and driving short distances eats up more fuel anyway. So, that’s on my gay agenda for today. Along with the dry cleaners, a trip to the pharmacy for refills, and my appointment at the Center for Labs and my next-to-last Chemo injections.  Yay, For Me!

Time to get this show on the road. OKIloveyoubuhbye!

And so it goes.

*

It’s All Good

Homes facing the ocean seen from the boardwalk.

It’s been a first rate kind of day.  Not having to be anywhere near anything even remotely medical was a real joy. I took my walk on the boardwalk at dawn, then sat with an iced coffee on a bench watching the walkers, runners, cyclists (bicycles are banned after 10 a.m.), and groups of friends heading out to breakfast after what appeared to the naked eye to be a very happy Friday evening on the town. 

None the worse for wear from my 2 Dark & Stormy’s last night, I felt in fine fettle, as it were. One of those rare, for me anyway, mornings where everything felt as it should. Everything at peace.  I know reality is far from that, but for a few brief moments it worked for me.

Got into the car and drove to my Silver Queen farmer’s staked out spot and waited for his arrival.  Snagged another 6 small ears and was told that there will be corn for another week, or two.  Then that’s it until next year.  Though the ears are smaller than most corn, I can eat only 2 at a sitting, and I don’t want them to dry or turn starchy. Pigging out on Silver Queen this weekend is a good thing.

Too bad the stuff can’t be hoarded or frozen - it loses it’s fine texture and sweetness after freezing, unless you take it off the cob and par-boil it beforehand.  That ruins the taste for me. I’m grateful for what I’ve had this year. 

Was going to stop for a few bottles of wine, but the car parks at the liquor stores were overflowing and I didn’t feel like waiting, since there were others there ahead of me. There must be something going on in the beach communities this weekend that I don’t know about - which in itself isn’t unusual. I don’t keep track of these things anymore.  Traffic was already bumper-to-bumper as I drove home before noon. I have a bottle each of Chardonnay and Merlot left, so any new purchase can wait until Monday. 

Visited a few fave blogs and caught up on lives and news. I was especially intrigued by Fearsome’s recent posts from Comic-Con.  In the process I discovered what will likely be a future Nexus reading adventure.  I’d not heard of the “Outlander” books before. So I used the Google to learn more.

They sound interesting, so I will definitely check them out. The Kindle editions are available on Amazon, so it will be easy to get started. There’s also a TeeVee series based on the books set to air in the US next month.  Of course, I won’t see it; not having TeeVee service and all, but it looks well done,  interesting.

The nicest part of today was receiving text messages from the usual suspects from last evening, saying how much fun they had and that we really have to do it again in a week, or two.  

Last evening’s event was a reminder of how much these people mean to me. I don’t know if I mean the same to them, but that doesn’t matter. They bring such joy, humor, and a healthy dose of crazy into my otherwise stifled life, that I could never thank them enough. Besides, if I got all mushy like this with them, they’d slap me upside the head and tell me to drink up!  And, I would.

Well, in about 2 weeks the schools and colleges begin opening and that should make parking and getting around town a hell-of-a-lot easier.  So, yeah, Thursday or Friday Happy Hour!?!  Game on!

And so it goes.

*

Stirring up Trouble & Stir Fry

Just when I thought it was safe to take a short walk around town, there was an

attempted robbery - yes, here in town - and the summer rent-a-cops are having a law-enforcement field day.

As I watched the chaos unfolding, hearing the shouts and crackling radios, I realized no one knew what he or she was doing. So, I did an about-face and returned home. The walk will wait for another day.

After the morning lab work and Neupogen shot, I stopped at the market for veggie fixin’s - red pepper, snow peas, bamboo shoots, spring onions, and broccoli.  I’ve been on a stir-fry kick lately. Wokking everything in sight; chicken, pork, beef are alternately on the menu. Nothing is safe from my Wok! Such cooking adds spice and zip to my otherwise bland diet. I need the extra zip because my taste buds are not functioning well and spicing things up helps a lot.

Tonight will be sliced pork in a hoisin and peanut sauce. With sticky rice, of course. There is usually enough  left over for another meal, so when I am tired and don’t feel like cooking, it’s pork stir-fry magical microwave time.  Supper in less than 10 minutes.

Just received a text from Linda, the wee Irish Lass, and my old GM at Dos Locos, wanting to set up a Happy Hour Birthday Celebration with me this week. I had hoped no one would remember, but no such luck. She ticked off 5 options, informing me that there will be at least 4 other folks involved and that I will be picked up and delivered home for the occasion. No Ifs - Ands - Buts about it. She asked what I wanted for my birthday…I chose not to share my real wish.

The final Neupogen shot happens tomorrow along with a double transfusion session, so I suggested we aim for Thursday afternoon.  With new blood coursing through my veins I should have the energy of a bear and will likely be more positive about the whole affair than I am right now. 

Still, it’s nice that she is thinking of me and wants to spend some quality time with me. (Ahem! What she really wants to do is get me drunk with friends. She may just succeed.) She and the other 4 cohorts are former co-workers of mine at Dos Locos, so it ought to be a hell of a good time.

Meanwhile, many of the ebooks I’ve downloaded in the resent past have been rejected for one reason or another. Bad writing, editing, proofing, and storytelling...and I don't think I'm that hard to please.

I find myself wanting to revisit books read many years ago.  I also find that they hold up better, writing-wise, than most of the new product on the market. Then imagine my surprise when, today I found another Pern book from the Dragon series. Of course, I downloaded it,  “The Dolphins of Pern” will be special (read distracting) for tomorrow while being transfused.  

Sometimes life does indeed suck, but this isn’t one of those times.

And so it goes.

Fending, Finding, and FUBAR**

FUBAR - FTW!

Friday turned into an epic FUBAR day; equal parts Fellini and The Marx Brothers at their best - with a little Doris Day thrown in for balance.  Without going into confusing detail, let’s just say that between 7 a.m. and 4:30 p.m. chaos, computer glitches, dumb decisions, were the norm rather than exception.  Beaucoup stoopid, as I say. And on top of all the rest, a last-minute discovery that platelets were low caused more hysteria, yet another delay

Anyway, after 22 hours without food or drink I was beyond hungry or thirsty and closer to numb.  Beyond feeling discomfort or pain. Since the day went longer than anyone dreamed it could, my offer to buy Kelli’s lunch went out the window. By the time she fetched me at the hospital, it was late and she still had work to do at the office. I was dropped off at home and had to fend for myself.

Fine. While still coming out of the anesthetic haze, I microwaved some frozen Beef Daube, covered it with rice and along with copious amounts of water - had dinner. 

After the small meal I hit the bed and was out almost immediately. Slept long and deep, thanks to the goddess. Today it all seems so surreal.  But, it all happened. 

There are three patches on my chest - there should only be 2 - only the goddess knows what was done to me in all the confusion. In any case, I survived, am aware (to a degree), walking, talking (when necessary) and functioning as normally as any human could after such an experience. 

Of course, I am sore, but none the worse for what the old body was put through.  Breakfast was scrambled eggs, toast and a coffee. Today it’s back to the routine of drugs, (some were suspended prior to surgery) foods (even though it’s 90’F outdoors, I crave a heavy chicken with veggie soup), and a little light exercise.

There were six items on my gay agenda today:

• Walk the Boardwalk at dawn.
• Appointment at the Center for the Neupogen shot.
• Pick up new prescriptions at the Pharmacy.
• Prepare Chicken soup.
• Order a telephone answering device for the land line.
• Upgrade the memory in the MAC MINI.

The weather was ideal for the walk. Cool, cloudy, with a light fog. It's nice to have the boardwalk and ocean almost all to myself. Though the ocean was calm, one could still enjoy the sounds and smell while walking in the light fog. It was a peaceful bit of heaven.

One of the Lab Techs at the Center tried to scold me for not showing up for the second Neupogen shot yesterday.  After I chewed her face off for 5 minutes, she walked away with tail between her legs.  Came by as I was leaving later to apologize. Never judge anyone’s actions or inactions, especially if you don’t know the reason or cause.

The pharmacy was an interesting experience, as well. The two pharmacists - both of African Heritage - are very kind, helpful, and generous with their time and knowledge. Their names are Aousten and Ougwan.  Both are gentlemen of about my age. 

They always greet me with a smile and floored me today,  telling me how nice it is to serve me. That they were sorry a person like me am going through what I am at present. They were clearly having a bad day, customer-wise.  It is July, after all. Still, it’s nice to receive such a rare compliment anytime.

With the upgrading of cables Verizon is doing in my neighborhood, the landline and DSL service have been problematic over the past weeks (or months, who can remember?), as a result I’ve been missing calls.  Not good in the current situation. I decided I needed a digital answering device to collect any missed calls, so went hunting at Radio Shack & Staple’s. 

There is no doubt in my mind why both those companies are about to go belly-up. The staff is clueless and as bright as a bag of hammers. (One had never heard of a digital telephone answering device, vaguely knew what a wired phone was. Honest!) So, getting nowhere fast, I tried the usual suspects - K-Mart, and finally Wal-Mart, only to come up empty again.

On to Amazon (why don’t I ever think of this option first?) and found one within seconds. They’re more sophisticated these days, offer more recording time and more bells and whistles, too. So, ten minutes and $10.00 later, an answering device will be arriving at my home on Monday.

Have to make a note to think of Amazon first when it comes to obscure, uncommon items.  I’m a Prime member - for the free Kindle Library, movies, and 2-day shipping, but it’s never first in my head for situations like this  There were many options to choose from and the item descriptions usually covered questions one would normally ask an informed sales person, who, unfortunately, exist only in the shadows of the past.

Picked up the fresh veggies for the soup on the way home, resisting temptation to munch on the raw *celery and carrots;  whimpering as I dropped them into the Dutch Oven with the broth. Soup will be ready by suppertime.  Yay!  Me!

Always the procrastinator! When I purchased the MAC MINI last year, the sale price included only 8GB of memory. The money saved by going with the 8, instead of 16GB upgrade was enough for the purchase of the super drive DVD.  I thought the 8 would be sufficient for my needs.

A go-to friend at the restaurant, and self-proclaimed MAC MANIAC wasn't so sure.  He thought the 16 would be more efficient and faster. I couldn’t afford the added expense - especially dealing with a then unknown illness - so the (on sale) MINI with the 8GB won out.

Well, not to be dismissed, my friend gave me the 16GB modules a few weeks later. He had removed them from a non-working MAC and wouldn’t take a penny for them.  Just insisting I install them and see the difference.  Well, 9 months later and I finally switched them out - the 16 for the 8 - and you know, he was absolutely right. 

It’s a snap to do, requiring nimble fingers, and no tools.  Totally unlike a Windows PC. The no tools thing I could handle, the nimble fingers thing was another story.  Still, I got it done and am a very happy camper. Now I have to suck it up, call Eddie to tell him the deed is done and listen his “I told you, so” reprimand. It'll be worth it.

This post is longer than expected, but there’s been more activity these past 48 hours: Port removed, New Port embedded, Fresh Soup, New Telephone answering device, improved MAC, and a much higher platelet count, to boot.

That last bit may be the reason I have more  energy this evening than usual. I graciously accept any and all.

And so it goes.

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**FUBAR = fucked up beyond all recognition.

Just a Thought: Cake

No I am not!

Chemo is the Culprit

The scary episode from yesterday has been attributed to the Chemo drugs - caused by Mucositis - and the diagnosis rolled off the doctor’s tongue as if I should already know all about it.  You know, on the one hand they tell you not to check out treatments and drugs on the web, but on the other, they expect you to be informed about some of the most obscure details of drug side effects. Go fig!

Sure, I’ve been asked the 20 usual questions before infusion about all aspects of bodily functions, but never connected the “Do you have acid reflux problems” to what happened to me yesterday. Who knew that Chemo caused these problems?  I’ve always associated Acid Reflux to poor diet or diets of rich and spicy foods - not necessarily good for you.

I got a flash, crash, and burn course in the true meaning of the question in a Chemo-centered clinical setting, and the news ain’t good. I won’t go into it here, you can read all you like at the link above. I’m just grateful to know what happened to me is not rare and is treatable.  Though I wish they had asked the right questions at the outset of my treatment.

Live and learn.  Or, you don’t live very long.

Tomorrow is the last Chemo treatment in this monthly cycle and I’ll be a happy puppy when it’s over.  Three weeks for the body to recuperate. The body is a mass of bruises, welts, and giant red blotches.  Now, I must say that the suggestion of smearing Evening Primrose Oil over the affected areas has proven effective in reducing that swelling and pain, though the bruising remains. I can deal with that. 

I feel well enough to have a real (albeit small) meal this evening. I am starving but the thought of the incredible pain returning turned me off. I have one new prescription that I start today, that should begin the healing so the eating can begin.  Two other prescriptions kick in tomorrow.

And so it goes.

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Bad Night All Round

Don’t know how it happened. No, really.  Though it is likely caused by the disease, the Chemo, and associated stress. And, oh, do I have stress! It happened so quickly.

I was eating supper when a mouthful of food became lodged in the esophagus making it impossible to swallow or bring it back up. I wasn’t choking, but damn near it as I struggled to work the food either up or down.  

I thought if I drank a large gulp of water it would help dislodge the food and it would make it’s way to the stomach and out of my care.  It wasn’t meant to be.

I was suddenly in a fit of coughing and vomiting in an attempt to relieve the strangulation.  The vomiting became so violent that I almost passed out. Still, the lump would not move.

Breathing became a problem, but I held my own - breathing deep and full breaths as possible. I hadn’t eaten much food all day, but the amount coming up was enormous and painful to expel.  It took a good half hour to finally get things to settle down. I couldn’t lie down if I wanted to breathe. 

The vomiting continued off and on for the next 3 hours to the point that my chest was aching from the massive efforts to rid my body of this problem, until I crashed onto the bed in a cold sweat, and propped up on pillows. 

The weight on the chest was almost intolerable, there was no way I was interested in drinking water, juice, or even soup. I calmed myself down, finally falling into a fitful, uneasy sleep at midnight.  

Everything ached with any movement, and even now I am afraid to ingest a liquid diet. Even an Ensure is scary to contemplate.

I would have gone to the ER, but I couldn’t trust myself not to vomit while behind the wheel - and I wasn’t about to call 911 for an ambulance. I managed.  I survived.

The pain is subsiding, and I am starving, but not ready to chance food at this moment. 

I have a Chemo appointment today, I’ll see what they suggest.  In the meantime, if I get hungry enough, I’ll knock back an Ensure and see what happens

When I have to go, this isn't the way I want to do it. This has been one horrible night. One not to remember, but I’m sure I will.

And so it goes.

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The Ultimate, Supreme, Ultimatum Kind of Day

After yesterday’s two units, four injections, three tiny tablets, and a single gel cap, it’s a wonder I had any kind of appetite left last night.  

Translation: That was 2 units of fresh blood, 1 injection of Benadryl, 1 of Lasix, 3 tiny tabs of an unpronounceable anti-nausea med, 1 gel-cap of potassium, and 2 injections of the Chemo.  I think that was the ultimate out-patient experience one could have in a single day. I was totally exhausted…

But, I did have an appetite. I had enough energy to create a stir-fry beef with veggies after the long day at the Center.  It was quite good, considering the fewer tastebuds at my disposal.

Got a call from the Locosguys last night to say how much they miss me.  Eight or nine co-workers grabbed the phone just to yell  “Hello, I miss you”.  Then a few customers got into the act, too. And, you know, as strange as it may sound, I  recognized their individual voices. I guess that’s telling about how much I miss not being there. The call had the usual effect of alternately lifting my spirits and sending me into a mild depression. OK, I’ll take both, then. Better than feeling nothing at all.

On today’s gay agenda, it was day-three for the twin Chemo injections (did you follow that?), and a shot each of Potassium and Lasix. The combination seems to be bringing down the swelling in the feet and ankles, albeit slower than I’d hoped.

The soreness and pain I felt initially is gone, (only the swelling remains) and I had wanted to take my morning walk, but the rains put a damper (ouch! sorry.) on that idea. I could swear those walks help, not aggravate the situation because I always feel better afterwards.  Oh well, maybe tomorrow. 

It was ultimately decided by the Oncologist and nursing staff that the Port-a-Cath has to go. It’s not healing and the rim is about to poke through the top layer of skin. It cannot be used for labs or infusion - the very reasons it was implanted.  So, I called the surgeon to check schedules and when she can do the

deed.  The sooner the better, from what they tell me at the Center.  However, she’s in surgery all day today, so I may not hear anything until tomorrow.

Hurry up - and wait!  Hurry up - and wait…I’m getting pretty good at this.  Think Pavlov’s dog.

A curious message from the local book store owner sent me there on the way home this afternoon.  He’d received a recently published book on Tarot, specifically the symbolism of the Rider Waite Deck. so I went to check it out.  

Titled “The Ultimate Guide to the Rider Waite Tarot” Published a few years ago in Germany, this is the first American printing. Printed on high gloss fine paper with very handsome card reproductions, it was a surprise.

The book offers in-depth explanations of each card’s tableau, as well as details for each card’s basic meaning as: spiritual experience, card of the day, prognosis, love & relationships, success & happiness. And yes, I bought it. 

And, I have a great excuse for the purchase. It will be intensive reading while in bed for hours with my feet elevated to reduce the swelling.  How’s that?  Well, that’s my story and I am sticking to it.  Though in truth, that is where I can be found most of the time. Damn it!

A Stir-fry is on the menu (again) tonight.  Shrimp this time. Light, quick protein and veggies.  Yes!  I need it. Wish I didn't have to prepare it, but I am hungry.  Always a good thing.

Uh-oh! The new hat has just arrived via Fed-Ex. I am afraid to open the package.  Maybe tomorrow I'll muster up the courage to open it.  But, no promises on that.  It depends on how sunny the day will be.  And all that.  If it's sunny and I need it for a walk, I guess I'll have to go with it, won't I?

Oh, for pete's sake.  It's a hat.  Take it out, wear it, enjoy it. It is who I am now. It is what it is.  I must keep repeating this to myself over and over, until I believe it and totally buy into it.  May take a while.

And so it goes.

*

A Brief Respite

It’s like an early spring day here.  Morning temp is 63’F and I am loving it. Took a walk on the boardwalk surrounded by folks in shorts, wearing sweatshirts.  It may look funny to some, but that’s normal beach wear when the weather changes quickly like this.  The saying goes:“Living at the beach, if you don’t like the weather, wait a half hour.” So true, so true.

After that, I schlepped myself to the Center for the last of the three Neupogen injections, then went hunting for a new can opener. The grocery stores have those $2.00 cheap things, catering to the tourist trade - who will only use it a few times while visiting.  After that, it would probably fall apart, anyway. 

Stopped at Marshalls, K-Mart, Kitchen Collection, and Kitchen & Company. They have got to be kidding!  $30.00 for a manual can opener.  I’d rather use my teeth.  For the number of cans I open, even dentistry is cheaper than that. Maybe I’ll check out the thrift stores next week once the dust of the holiday settles around here.

Headed for home via the back roads to make a stealth visit to my farmer with the Silver Queen.  His truck was there, but he wasn’t - yet.  Yes!  I. Wanted. Fresh. Silver. Queen. And I was going to get it! So, I parked near the truck, opened the Nexus, and read for about 20 minutes before hearing the unmistakeable rumbling of heavy farm equipment.  

When I looked up there was a big front-loader coming at me, the bucket of which was piled high with corn; the farmer and son had big smiles on their faces. They unloaded the corn into the back of the truck and were in business. As I made my selection 2 other cars arrived - with their own sacks, even! I could see that in reality, my well-kept secret isn’t so well-kept, after all.

He also had bread & butter corn he kept separated, larger ears and very sweet, but I had eyes only for the baby white stuff. I snagged a half-dozen ears (dew still on the husks!) and happily hit the road for home.  The stuff is so sweet you can eat it raw...which I was sorely tempted to do, but can't chance it, being Neutropenic. (sigh!)  There are things I am willing to die for, but an ear of corn isn't one of them.

Eureka!  I found a great new can opener. Amazon, as usual. Ten bucks and free shipping. It will be here Monday. Problem solved. My cans are happy, too.

Though all may not be right with the world, at least in my little corner, things aren’t so bad today.

And so it goes.

*

Observing the Fourth - Differently

I am not a big fan of 4th of July Celebrations.  I've had enough hot dogs and patriotic cupcakes to last a lifetime.  Since I worked most holidays it was more fun for me to enjoy watching others enjoy.  Of course, as with all American holidays, getting drunk is a major priority, while making an ass of oneself earns extra points and a likely trip to the ER following an enchanting “Hey, Watch This!” moment.  Yes, indeed.  Three Cheers for the Black & Blue, er' Red, White, and Blue.

Frankly, I prefer this…

to This…

Anyway...

In heavy downpours and high winds, on flooded roadways, I drove to the center for the injection this morning, then stopped by the drugstore to pick up yet another called-in prescription that I previously knew nothing about.  It is ever thus…

My clothes hang in the bathtub drip-drying as I type. Of course, I was soaked to the skin, and then some. Even the underwear took the hit. Yes, I know - TMI!!! I was freezing when I got in.  Rains have continued through mid-afternoon, and my bones are beginning to ache from the Neupogen. 

Observing people this week I've noticed there is a sort of pall over the beach communities this holiday. Not caused by the hurricane, which hasn't done any damage, but the sort of chronic fatigue of everyone - resident and tourist alike - and if today is any measure, most are anxious for the Summer to be over and out of the way. Seems to me they’re rushing the year, though.

I was out early enough that I picked up a few cleaning supplies, so I can run a few loads of laundry today or tomorrow - more likely tomorrow - and folks just seemed all party’d-out; none too happy to be here.  I could chalk it up to the frenzy leading up to the hurricane, but since it missed us I would think everyone would be grateful and ready for the beach tomorrow.  But that doesn’t appear to be the case. I could chalk it up to the rain and drizzly weather, but that’s not uncommon around here in summer.  No, this is different.  

My usually boisterous, heavy-smoking, Duck-Dynasty-loving neighbors are more subdued, even with a house full of visitors.  They’ve set up 3 huge beach umbrellas in the alley, each overlapping the others so they can sit outdoors in whatever weather and cookout, play games, annoy the other neighbors, you know, the usual. But there’s been no loud, obnoxious music or screaming.  Mostly just quiet conversation.  Even the kids are more indoors than out, doing God-knows-what, but quietly.

We’re at the halfway point and it’s all downhill from here.  A local store circular has Autumn decorations, gifts, and pumpkins on sale - yes, already. Even before the back-to-school shit hits the shelves, which ought to be any time now. 

And now, just to be annoying,  I have broken my 30 year old can opener (I didn’t know they could break!) and will have to purchase another. Maybe it was old age (grin). Have to find one first.  Nothing electric, just a plain reliable smooth edge can opener.  I hate having to go out again, but I’ll need it sometime over the weekend, I am sure.

I’ll wait to see if the rains slack off, and if not, I’ll shop around tomorrow after the morning injection. The fact that the blood count continues to drop, and I’ve required 3 consecutive Neupogen injections 2 weeks in a row, has me concerned about what may come next.  

Anyway, the hifalutin surgeon at Christiana Medical Center told me last year that without benefit of a marrow transplant I had about 2 years of infusions before the old body couldn’t take it anymore and shut down.

Whatever the case, it is what it is.

 Right now I am about to marinate a pork loin roast in olive oil, rosemary, and garlic for my supper this afternoon/evening.  It will be accompanied by fingerling potatoes and brussel sprouts.

The sky is beginning to lighten up, so I may make a valiant effort to find a new can opener today, after all. Then again…

And so it goes.

*

Just a Thought: Sex & Pizza

Works for me.

More later.
*

Warning: He’s in the Kitchen, Again!

OK, so I went into a cooking frenzy. (May it turn into a feeding frenzy.) It

proved to be good therapy, and more fun than lying in bed reading all day.  Besides, I wanted to tempt my slowly blossoming appetite with dishes that appeal to my dwindling taste buds at the moment.

JIC, I'd get caught short of needed ingredients, I checked the lists before heading out the door for the injection appointment yesterday morning. Everything was in the house - I was ready to roll.

First up was a “Kitchen Sink Baked Ziti” with bulk Italian sausage, mushrooms, black olives, sliced garlic, and spinach. Took an hour to prepare and another 1.5 hours to bake. The finished product weighed in at over 6 pounds.  Yes, there will be lots of leftovers, but it’s worth it. 

That said, I am careful with leftovers due to my limited senses of smell and taste. If not consumed, things usually get tossed after 3 days in the refrig. Can’t take chances eating foods that are a little off.  This is why I rarely cook in large batches that can’t be frozen - like stews and thick soups. There’s no one to eat it before it goes bad.  This was an exception that I’m happy I made.  (This was not to be Saturday evening's supper, it needs to rest overnight, then be reheated to bring out all the flavors.)

Boiled artichokes for salad came next while the Ziti was baking. The whole heads are now marinating in the refrigerator for the next day or two. A little salt, white pepper, slivered garlic, olive oil and vinegar will suit me just fine. Refreshing for a hot summer day, too. My grandmother used to make this dish and it’s one of those all-time great standby dishes that brings back happy childhood memories. 

I decided I needed something sweet and chocolatey, so I made up a batch of Mocha Walnut Brownies. Using fresh coffee for the liquid base instead of water or milk. Again, the pan weighed a ton and took hours to cool before ready to be sliced and served. 

Supper was seasoned, broiled, boneless thighs with roasted new potatoes with rosemary, and brussel sprouts.  After which, I thoroughly enjoyed one of the now-cooled brownies.  Heavy, yes, but oh so worth the day’s efforts.

I don’t know where all the energy came from, but I’m happier for having it and putting it to good use. The apartment always smells better when something is cooking - more like a real home.  At least to me.

I am looking forward to a Ziti supper tonight with garlic bread and a glass of wine. (What? no Whiskey Sour?) Um, No!

And so it goes.

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