Just a Thought: A Stagnant Truth.

How far does loyalty and American Patriotism take you when a young, supposedly heterosexual soldier is ordered to rape (FUCK) anally abuse teenage boys?  Forget whether the acts were performed in front of family members, or not. It’s the very act that matters.

Just following orders! (?) Foul, evil, conniving, self-righteous.  Humans enjoy nothing more than the act of harming other humans

Does it take this sick behavior to finally stop you in your tracks to say, “this, my entire way of life, has been a vast red-white-blue lie.”?  Does it?  Even a little bit? No wonder more and more of our soldiers and hurting. There are secrets to keep, they bought into the lie, too.

Yes, by all means, let’s offer a free ride and safe passage to George Bush and Dick Cheney, but do everything possible to draw-and-quarter the likes of Edward Snowden for drawing attention to their crimes, and others.

All humans are truly pathetic, dangerous creatures. We’d rather harm others who suffered as we have, than to banish that suffering and those who ordered it in the first place.

I am sick.

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The Scots, Shorter Turkey Day, & Shopping UK

Finished the ebook “How the Scots Invented the Modern World” and highly recommend it for history buffs and Anglophiles for a quick and easy, insightful read. I am sure Ur-Spo would enjoy it. And maybe even Ron at (Retired in Delaware) since he's into genealogy and family histories. In fact, anyone who enjoys the historic connections between the Britons and the Americans will learn a great deal that we didn’t read about in our history books. 

The Scottish Enlightenment, the brutal, horrific Highland Clearances, the great thinkers and doers, the proud and wide-spread Philosophy of Scottish Educational System. Absolutely fascinating. It was probably a quick read because so many real life characters were written in a way that made their historic deeds and past lives before - and during - the diaspora that much more interesting. I  hope that makes sense.

I am now on to LOTR which ought to take me well into December and away from anything and everything unpleasant. Since these are real wood-pulp books, they’ll be more of a chore to lug to and from medical appointments, but we’ll get it done.

Special Alert: Today I am in a quandary and I need help.  No matter how much I clear out the one, single closet in this apartment, there is always more to find. I came upon two more large tubs today containing items that must be identified, sorted, cleaned (if usable) thrown away (if not) and that may just be the one thing a shopper at the Thrift store is looking for. I don’t know where it is all coming from and half is unrecognizable. Now Back to Regular Blogging.

I am not looking forward to Thanksgiving. Never really liked the holiday as a kid - too much family mishugass ending in arguments and creating bad feelings

too close to the real holidays.  We weren’t a sports kind of family, so verbally beating up on relatives was the order of the day. As a kid I remember that after helping clean up the kitchen my refuge was the  bedroom where I would listen to music or read for the duration. I was never missed.

Only as a gay adult in a “stable” relationship did I begin relating to the holiday. My house became the go-to place for wayward gays and lesbians with no other place to go. From NYC and NJ, to the Delaware shore. Over the years it became a tradition.  The first year there were 5 waifs; over the years the numbers fluctuated from 5 to 11 and it was all good fun. I usually did the cooking - others brought side dishes or desserts - and everyone else cleaned up.  We'd listen to music, dance and/or watch movies on the teevee machine. Spanning the eras from Vinyl to CD; VHS to DVDs.  Very relaxing times. That life, all those people are long gone. It’s a day like any other, albeit a quieter one and I don’t miss the work and fuss one tiny bit. 

It has been over a month since I ordered the “V” shape pillow from the company in the UK.  It has now been 26 days since I received word that the package had been ‘dispatched’ but to this date, the package has not yet arrived. 

The reply to my request of “Hey! What Gives” returned a familiar excuse to us Americans - “it’s the busiest time of year for the Royal Mail as it is absolutely swamped, so please be patient and give it another 3 to 5 days.”  Well, what else can I do?  They have my money and the damned thing is somewhere between the UK and the US, probably in a small steam powered boat chugging it's way across the Atlantic.  Hhrumph!

I think I’ll partake of one of those Scottish imports that must get old to be respectfully enjoyed.  A bit of single malt Scotch Whisky.  But, that’s for much later…

I am amazed.

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ABBA, Answers, & Baba Ganoush

Greeted the day with little pain and no dizziness. Drank 2 large glasses of orange juice while brewing a coffee. Feeling pretty good today.

The song swirling around in my brain when I awoke this morning was “Take A Chance On Me” once a not-so-big hit by ABBA. Fortunately, the song was included on the one CD I have of the group, so as soon as the sun  came up and I was sure not to disturb anyone, I played the thing just to get it out of my head.

Called the Center today with important questions for the doctors. The nurses in Triage helped me out a lot explaining some of the reactions I am experiencing and can expect for a while, as the body works up to its “new normal”. Then I talked with the doctors.  I took a lot of notes. I had to. As I re-read them they sounded more complicated than they actually are. Common sense stuff, really.  

So now I kind of know what to expect. The reason most of this information wasn’t given upon release is that people react differently in similar circumstances and it is easier to focus on an individual after the fact when they experience specific symptoms. At least that’s what they told me. In other words if it didn’t happen to you it’s not relevant to your situation. So there!

The bottom line is:

Recovery will take a long time.

Expect mild to severe pain at any time.

Take medications on schedule daily.

Get plenty of rest.

Be aware of minor physical & mental changes.

Be aware of internal bleeding.

Watch for external bruising, skin discoloration, and rashes.

Pushing the body to heal quicker can cause a relapse.

Sleep whenever possible.

Do not drive a vehicle until you know you can.

Drink plenty of water.

Eat when hungry. Force-feeding is not good for the body.

Eat what gives most pleasure, on Neutropenic diet.

Eat plenty of cooked fruit and vegetables.

Now, that’s a lot to be conscious of on a daily basis.

The truth be told, if it wasn’t for those three taking care of me from day one out of hospital, I wouldn’t be here now. It really is that simple. And to think that Linda already had an over all plan of care before I even got home is mind-blowing. She’s a very insightful woman.

On a funny note, I contacted the Funeral Home to set up an appointment to discuss my “wants and wishes” regarding a funeral. The person answering the phone couldn’t be bothered and told me to complete the survey/questionnaire at their website. I suppose those close to death or their family members don’t need personal, customer service when a few questions answered online can whip out the perfect service for their needs. Maybe I’ll answer the questions at a later date, right now I can’t stop shaking my head and laughing. 

To brighten my day I just received an email from my Visa Card company offering to turn my miles into gift cards.  Ten thousand points equals a $100 gift card. I think I will choose an Amazon card and spend it on myself since I’ve bought a lot of ebooks lately and there are a few other items I would like to order, not the least of which is proper kilt hose, or socks. With the temperatures dropping and the inability to wear long trousers (due to the leg rash), I think I’ll need a little help keeping warm this winter. Though my legs seldom get cold, my body has changed and ain’t what it used to me. 

I’ll keep - and add to - those points in the off chance that I can use the air miles for an upcoming holiday somewhere away from here.  Hey!  One can dream, can one?

Going to ask Jeffrey to take me grocery shopping tomorrow. I’ve suddenly got a craving for Baba Ganoush. I need a healthy snack to munch on while on the computer or reading. Now if I can find enough energy to prepare it, all will be well. I will use store-bought Tahini, no energy to make my own.

ABBA has been playing in an endless loop in the background all day.  Aaarrrrrggggghhhhh !!!

I am amazed.

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Best Laid Plans & Encouraging Results

Neutrophil. My Friend.

Thanks to that tried and true old saying “the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry” and the ability of the Center Staff to seemingly work major miracles, everything was compacted and accomplished in this single day. When the reality hit that I had no transportation to doctor’s appointments tomorrow afternoon, mountains were moved.

Fortunately for me, a new patient was kind enough to switch days and times so all my Lab Work and other appointments could happen this morning within a few hours of each other rather than spread out through tomorrow.  

Nicole was a gem; just sat with homework spread out and did what needed to be ready for class tomorrow. Between Labs and waiting for results we sat and chatted in the lounge. When the results were announced I was whisked off to the doctor’s office for a check of vitals, review of the results, and a consult pertaining to care over the next 4 weeks. 

Turns out there is no bad news to report. My blood count is still on the rise - hemoglobin, platelets are up, even neutrophil count nudging at the normal range. The only negative is the white cell count which remains low, causing the weakness, quick fatigue and shortness of breath.  Which is something I don’t understand since Neutrophils are about 50% white cells. Still, I’ll take the rest and hope the white cells will eventually come along for the ride.

I am elated that I need not be infused this week. No blood product necessary. Maybe someday I’ll be able to go two or three weeks without infusions so I can take a mini-vacation away from everything here. Hey! It's something to look forward to...

Four drugs were discontinued, replaced by 4 others so a stop at the pharmacy to drop off the new scripts was on the gay agenda. I was tiring out and we were both getting hungry so a hardy breakfast was the next and last stop before heading back to town to deliver me to my second story prison. 

Nicki will pick up the new drugs tomorrow and drop them off on her way to work at Dos Locos in the afternoon.  Still the number of scripts on my list is smaller than it’s ever been.  That alone gives me hope. 

I am shocked and amazed by even this small change for the better. I am not going to get too excited yet. I don’t want to be shot down mid-flight again anytime soon. Slow and steady and the blessing of having the supportive folks around me to allow that to happen.

It’s been a long and exciting day and I am just about to pack it in, take my evening meds, slide under the covers and read until I fall asleep. Tomorrow is another shut in day and I'll not mind a bit.

I am amazed.

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Just a Thought: Taliban

ORIGINAL CAPTIONED PHOTO REMOVED

The quote attributed to Reagan was in fact, true: "These Gentlemen are the moral equivalent of the founding fathers."   It's just wasn't made about the Taliban.

Sorry for the misinformation.  Thanks to Buckeyein Richmond for setting me straight. When I checked this out I didn't go deep enough and for that I am sorry. Close, but no cigar.

Here is the best explanation I could find to bring it all together. from Business Insider:

As the public debates some of the more controversial ways the US deals with foreign policy and safety, it's prudent to remember some of the less than fruitful foreign policy items where America invested its time and money. 

This photograph is from 1983, when Reagan and the CIA were dancing around the idea of arming Mujahadin fighters in order to fight back against Soviet incursion in Afghanistan. The result was a well-armed, well-trained group of jihadis who resisted (some say defeated) the onslaught of superior Soviet weaponry. 

Once the Soviets retreated, the U.S. lost interest and pulled the funding. Osama bin Laden took interest, and filled the vacuum, later fathering the Taliban. 

The rest, as they say, is history. 

Often erroneously paired with this photo is a Reagan quote, "These gentlemen are the moral equivalent of the founding fathers." 

Reagan was in fact referring to Nicaraguan fighters and another initiative to arm them, this time against the U.S.'s own treaties. 

We all know how that worked out as well.

Whomever Ronnie was referring to were certainly not at all like the founding fathers of these United States.

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Just a Thought: Choose

Nope.  Think I'll pass.
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And Then There Are Days Like This...

I always like to plan my day, especially if it is packed with events, meetings,

appointments, etc.  Learned my lesson years ago about scheduling too close together - not leaving enough breathing time for possible delays, so with any luck, I am always either early or on time for whatever is next on the gay agenda.

Then there are those days that da Debbil seems to laugh out loud and say, “oh, you think this will run smoothly, do you?” (followed by his evil laugh) and of course,  1 or more incidents, obstacles get thrown in my path and I get mortified and muddled.

Today was one of those days. Of course the medical establishment was heavily involved - and to blame - but (as usual) it could only be sorted out by ‘self’ with much running around from office to office, lab to lab.  My entire medical history is available to 4 thrilling CDs that I had to pick up, deliver, and sign for at various places at certain times of the day.  That’s what made me late. 

By the time it was all signed, sealed and delivered I was10 minutes late for the final chemo treatment and infusion of a single unit of blood ordered for this afternoon. Hurry up and Wait! I don’t like being late. Period. It’s annoying and rude to be so and I avoid it if at all possible. 

Of course, when I finally arrived at the Center, they discovered my vitals were all over the charts, nothing was normal. It took a good half hour for calm to be restored to my mind and body, and since I was spiking a moderate fever, that helped to slow me down. Tylenol was given to bring down the fever - they will not infuse if fever is beyond 100.5’, and I was at 100.8’  The blood was late in arriving, so that worked out well. 

The Center staff was having a similar day. Irate patients and emergencies made the place almost hostile. Eventually, they got my drip going before more Hell broke loose. Blood arrived, but so many staff were otherwise engaged in some emergency that it took another half hour to get back to me. Once they shot me with Benadryl, I was left to my own devices - in my own little relaxed world. 

Then the battery in the Nexus died, so there was no reading opportunity to take me through the next 2.5 hours. I could have sworn I charged it yesterday, but I guess not. Brain fog, again. 

The Chemo was given first.  It was noted that during this final cycle the drug has been burning my flesh from the inside out leaving a spot about 4” round with dry peeling skin and stinging like Hell. This had not happened previously. Thank the Goddess these are the last injections of the fourth and final cycle of this nasty treatment regime.

I don’t know if this treatment will ultimately prove worthwhile, or what comes next if it doesn’t, but I am just happy that it’s over.

I just got in at 6 pm., too tired to cook a proper meal, so it will be a frozen entree tonight. After supper I plan to finish the London Blitz Diary of 1941 (which is on the iPad, not the Nexus, or I could have finished it today) which has been alternately a scary and tedious ride.  I don’t know how these people remained sane for so long. But, that was the British throughout the war.

Anyway. Made it through the day.  It’s over. Home safe and sound. Barring some violent drug reaction overnight, tomorrow is a free day. If the weather is anything like today - high of 74’ F - I will be out and about early with no plans at all, so who knows what I might get myself into…

And so it goes.

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RandomThoughts at Random

After 5 days of Chemo shots with a minor crisis thrown in, it’s great to relax and allow the body to heal for a couple of days.  There are purple, red, and yellow goose-egg size lumps at the injection sites and they are hot (not hawt!) to the touch.  OK, now stop that!

Some commenters have asked for pictures of recent outings and I’m sorry, but some of the tribe hate their pictures taken, especially me darlin’ Irish lass, Linda, unless she gets really loaded. It’s a shame, really.  She’s quite a handsome woman with bright mischievous eyes and a great smile. In the old days I could match her bip for bip, but no more.  

Anyway, here are a few recent pics of the kilts and my festive sun shielding hat.  Yes, taken indoors, by remote.  Sorry about that.  I hate posing.  Have I said that before? (Click any image to embiggen)

The Utility Kilt with the Kilt pin from Calvin, but without belt and sporran..

The infamous wide brim hat and sporting my JMG tee shirt. On the back of the shirt it is written: 

They Wish We Were Invisible.

We're Not.  

Let's Dance.

I love the shirt.

The Black Watch Tartan Kilt, with sporran. No dress shirt or flashings. 

Just an old tee shirt that reads: 

In the beginning there was the word.

And the word was chocolate.

And it was good.

OH, YES INDEED.  

This is what's behind me in the photos. 

Anyway...

My diet lately has been less than thrilling and much less than my body requires to function and heal; usually one small, but full meal, a snack of cheese or fruit, and one or two Ensure to keep me going.  Not enough.

But it’s tiring to prepare, cook, eat, and clean up when your heart isn’t in it.  This morning, I made an effort to rectify that. Did some grocery shopping, loaded up on steak, pork loin, lamb, chicken, in various shapes and sizes - for single meals and stir-fry’s, as well as stews and hearty soups. If the energy just isn’t there for a steak, potato, vegetable dinner, there will be high protein soup or stew ready for the microwave.  

Eating out isn’t an option for many reasons, but I  enjoy food more in the company of others. (I’m Italian and French, what would you expect?) I dislike dining alone. Always have. I’d rather do takeout than sit alone at a table in a busy restaurant dining room. A table that could have seated 2 or 4 people comfortably. And dining at the bar is out.  Too many people in close proximity. 

While shopping I was recognized by a young man who remembered me from Labor Day HH at Stoney Lonen. He was one who asked questions about kilts and was considering a purchase. Turns out, his girlfriend went crazy when she heard and really thinks he would be super sexy in a kilt. I have to agree he’d look good in one, good legs and all that, but ‘supper sexy’  I guess is in the eye of the beholder.  

I’m a terrible judge of age, but I’d say he’s in his early 30s and in good shape. Anyway, he’s hot to trot. I gave him my email address and said I would send him any info he’s not been able to find for himself.  

Now would you believe that in my many searches for kilts, Utility, Sport, Tartans, etc., I discovered that the State of Delaware has its own tartan plaid. I thought it pretty cool and really striking colors, too. Made to order at Scotweb  and that means they’re very expensive. With all the options, around $300 or $400, when all is said and done. But from what I hear, it’s worth every penny.

It’s Bike week in Ocean City, MD, with the massive spillover invading RB.  No matter.  They’re all cool and professional people and not disruptive at all. Looking for good food, drink, music and other entertainments. No, not that. They are hooked on trivia and karaoke.  Don’t ask.  Town will be hopping again tonight.

I’m ready for supper and a trip to Happily Ever After for a short visit. Not ever after. It’s too soon for that.

And so it goes.

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Throwback Thursday: Pennsylvania

Washington's Crossing on the Delaware River and New Hope and the historic Delaware Canal.  With friends, Autumn 1977

Delaware River near Washington's Crossing. 

Delaware River Looking to Lambertville, NJ

With longtime friend, Ted.

Historic Delaware Canal Barge Tours

With friends, Harry & Ted on Lambertville-New Hope Bridge across the Delaware River.

Downstream look at the Historic Delaware Canal.

(Click here for more recent info on the historic canal.)

Harry and Ted were off work and it promised to be a glorious Autumn weekend. Harry, from Australia, had never seen much outside of NYC. We settled on this little outing and said, "Hello, Avis?" Car rentals were the quickest, easiest and least expensive transportation out of Gotham back then. We did it often.

We had breakfast at a cafe in New Hope then absorbing all the historic information we could, made a picnic in the woods near Washington's Crossing.

And so it goes.
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Just a Thought: Tan

Truth is just truth. Sad to say.
And so it goes.
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Confusion, Consolidation, Consolation

After some initial confusion about my appointment schedule - that took a half hour to correct - I finally saw the doctor. His attitude was upbeat and contagious. He immediately detected my anxiety and asked if I wanted a higher dosage of the anxiety med; he thought it would help. I agreed to give it a shot.

The white cells are very low which is why I have that big purple blotch on  my face.  It’s a bruise. I must have hit myself as I tossed and turned sometime overnight. It’s not KS after all. That’s a relief.

I was to begin the 4th and final cycle of Chemo next Tuesday, but he wants to put it off another week to see how my body recovers on its own. Especially with the holiday, I’d get only 4 treatments in before the next weekend then have 3 more days to follow up. He thought the interval was too long.  So instead of starting on 2 September, I will begin again on 8 September, if necessary. I hope it isn’t. But, it is what it is.

Also, since I’ve got one more Neupogen injection tomorrow, he scheduled a unit of whole blood to carry me through the holiday weekend. The whole blood along with the Neupogen shots should give my immune system the needed  boost to play catchup, if it is ever going to do that.

He mentioned a possible evaluation of my situation at Sloan Kettering on the upper east side of NYC. Seems they’re the only independent CC doing studies related to my particular cancer.  The research nurse learned of the study, is checking into the possibilities, and will let me know. 

There’s no easy way to get to NYC from here, so it would probably turn into a 3 day affair, unless I can find someone to take me to the Amtrak station in Wilmington and bring me back home. The doctor would prefer that someone was with me just in case, but that’s not going to happen. There just isn’t anyone.

Anyway, living in the present, with the Neupogen shots and the additional blood transfusion I should be good to go for the holiday weekend. No, I won’t be stupid enough to go out into large crowds, but I will be at the post-Labor Day party on Monday afternoon at Stoney Lonen. 

I promise to try and stay away from anybody hacking or coughing. No, I will not wear a mask. Linda will make sure my immune system is protected with shots of Jameson’s Irish Whiskey, or whatever else Chester has up his mixologist sleeve.

I bought some naked ground beef and plan to spice and herb it up, form it into patties, have a hamburger for supper tonight, and freeze the rest. It’s been a while since I’ve had a real beef burger. I haven’t got much of an appetite and no sense of taste, but maybe my taste-memory will kick in and make the meal enjoyable. May it be so.

And so it goes.

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Just a Thought: Understanding

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Just a Thought: Bullets

Boggles the mind, doesn't it?

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Just a Thought: Openings

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When Jupiter and Venus Align

This is something I'd like to see.  If I’m up and functioning I’ll be on the boardwalk with a tripod and long lens, facing the northeast waiting to see this happen. Clear shot right over the Atlantic.

From The Guardian:
Look up. A flurry of UFO “sightings” is expected early on Monday morning when a spectacular “double star” is created as the two brightest planets in the sky align almost completely.
In what is said to be one of the highlights of the astronomy calendar this year, the conjunction of Jupiter and Venus will be visible shortly before sunrise at 5am on the north-east horizon.
They will appear to be only 0.2 degrees apart, less than half the width of a little finger when held out at arm’s length.
“They will be so close together that it’s going to be quite a striking sight,” said Robin Scagell, vice-president of the Society for Popular Astronomy.
“Undoubtedly people could mistake them for a UFO, especially being so low down. They might appear to move around because of the distortion effect of the atmosphere.”
It will be the closest conjunction of Venus and Jupiter since 2000 but although the planets appear to be kissing-distance apart as seen from the Earth, they are separated by hundreds of millions of miles.
Venus and Jupiter pair up about once a year on average, but their conjunctions vary greatly in separation and visibility. Some are missed completely because they occur in daylight.
The next conjunction between the two planets is due to occur on 30 June next year, but will be less close.
During Monday’s conjunction, Venus will appear six times brighter than Jupiter even though its diameter is less than a tenth that of the larger planet, which measures 86,881 miles across.
That is because Venus is much closer to the Earth and also nearer the Sun, causing its clouds to be lit more intensely.
Those hoping to get the best experience from the conjunction have been advised to use a pair of binoculars or a small telescope to get a dramatic view and watch it from a high unobstructed vantage point.
Venus will mimic a tiny full moon, while Jupiter appears three times wider. Jupiter will also be accompanied by its four brightest moons strung out in a row.
“People who have buildings, hills or trees in the way might miss it, but even a rooftop in London should offer a good view,” said Scagell.
guardian.co.uk © Guardian News and Media 2014

Now, if only there is a clear sky and I have the energy...

And so it goes.

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Just a Thought: Always

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Just a Thought: Training

You're never too young to learn to live

in a Police State.

More later.
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Throw Back Thursday: Mystic

Mystic Seaport, Connecticut

Circa 1985

I had that monstrous camera bag and that shirt until a few years ago.  Hated the bag, loved the shirt.

And so it goes.

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Just a Thought: Gaza

Does anyone know when they will begin construction on

the Gaza Wing of the Holocaust Museum in Washington?

h/t Fearguth

Just a Thought: United!

Once upon a time.

More later.
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