Back To Where I Don’t Belong!

Like it or not, I have returned to the scene of the crimes (all of them) although (again) the powers that were insisted it would never happen. Plans to go directly into Rehab following the heart fungal infection treatment (6 weeks!) were shot down the very day of my last heart treatment. 

Seems the Rehab Center had to be shutdown due to an outbreak of an intestinal infection that hit the residents hard. Now, can you imagine my reaction if I had arrived in time to be forced into shutdown mode and had to deal with yet another attack on my immune system? No, me neither.

The hospital was stunned, but even more-so when a test swab revealed that I had Type A Influenza.  I wrote about this in a brief update recently, so I won’t go into the gory details. The episode knocked me out for another week, the hospital went into full isolation mode again and I became Neutropenic - again.  There went my fresh fruits and vegetables..It was nice while it lasted.

When it was time to reschedule a room in Rehab, there were none available except in the one that NO ONE wants to be admitted to and to which I also declined. 

Suddenly my apartment looked pretty good to them and it was clear they wanted me out of there as I wanted out of there before I was hit with another infection out of the blue.

So, me and my 23 days of necessities for rehab were stuffed into an ambulance and shipped to my old apartment.

The only difference, and it’s a big one, is that I have been registered with and admitted to Delaware Hospice, which ought to make my life less stressful and rest a little easier.  I get to stay home and people come to me for basic care and nursing needs.

The final home admissions interview was conducted yesterday morning - about 2.5 hours - and I felt much better following the meeting.  There is still much I don’t know about or understand and I am stressed enough to imagine that it could all be taken away in an instant (it does involved Medicare/Medicaid after all.) but for now it feels pretty good.

Had an uncomfortable, sleepless, strange night with little rest and woke up to this for my card of the day:

“The middle of the night - you are startled out of sleep, nightmare, undigested thoughts: get up and work out what you can do about it!  It’s dark, and many lights appear; mental flashes.  Nine Swords: a whole gamut of new knowledge and insights - exhausting - get used to them carefully.”

I'm still organizing my thoughts and experiences so...More later.

*

New Year Update

First, thank you to Calvin for spending some time with me on New Year’s Day. It was a very pleasant time and a joy to meet him in person. Hope we meet again under happier circumstances this year.

Fevers are fewer these days.

Meds are fewer now, too. Mostly IV stuff.

When released, will need to be infused daily with anti-biotic and anti-fungal med.

PT continues to help with the walking and stairs.

No need for oxygen right now.

Eating to gain weight - not much success, so far.

Found more PERN books to hold me over and keep me relatively sane. Since I’m awake at all hours, I keep the Nexus 7 charged at all times.

May be out of here before the weekend, but don’t know where yet. Linda returns from Holiday in Ireland this weekend, so I’ve that to look forward to. 

It’s been suggested that I find a tasteful walking stick (not a walker, please!) to help my balance when I’m out and about.  Something to go with my style, you know - - vertical.

Will ask Jeffrey to scope out retailers to see what they’ve got to offer. I don’t want one of those cheap, aluminum medical devices.  Something with a little class that I’d be proud to be seen with in public.

Have met two very nice hospital employees recently. Both Latino and both anxious to talk about being gay in Rehoboth. Very sweet guys. Keep me occupied for an hour or so, which is damned nice of them. One is a CNA and the other works in Maintenance. They say they’ve been praying for me since I arrived last month. Little surprised by those remarks, but I’ll take it.

People never cease to amaze me.

Still amazed.

*

Lounging at the Christmas Spa

Just setting’ a spell at Beebe Medical Hospital & Ocean Spa in lovely downtown Lewes, Delaware.

This relaxation time was provided by the Cancer Tumor Association and is likely to last 5 to 7 fabulous days. Fevers returned with a vengeance. So far, weather has been fretful and treatments are not coming up to expectations.

....And I'm forever catching myself humming Stormy Weather.

Spending time with old friends here. Am exploring new variations on an old theme, plus giving a test run to a new anti-fungal whose name escapes me now.

Heavily sedated, of course, so can use only a single hand to type.

Hoping for good news soon. If not, here’s wishing you all the joy and love of whatever holiday you celebrate. If it celebrates neither, find another one.

Every day has been amazing and hectic here.  Good things are coming.

I am so amazed.

*

Balancing Medical Decisions

The Friday appointment with the attorney had to be cancelled due to emergency transfusion on Friday morning. I am sure she wasn’t a happy camper when she learned that news. Couldn’t be helped.

Went into full crash mode on Thursday afternoon, so when I called the Center for advice, they told me 2 units were already ordered while we were speaking and since I was already in a crash scenario just continue to chill, rest and do as little physical activity as I could get away with until I arrived at the Center in the morning.

That was easy to do. All I wanted to do was lie quietly so as not be short of breath and be as careful on my feet to be aware of any possibility of falling. Took a painkiller and high dose of Tylenol before sliding between the sheets where I stayed until morning when I had the tedious struggle to get dressed (hard enough with the use of BOTH hands, a real torture test without) and try to be ready when Jeffrey arrived to transport me. He did have to help me with the sling (the dear!)

It all went smooth yesterday and though I was, by this time, very weak and finding it difficult to put a coherent thought into words there was no panic. I had enough trouble following instructions and answering questions posed by the staff. I managed.  I now know that I can go from a moderately low red blood cell count to a dangerously low one in less than 24 hours. For no apparent reason and without any change to normal daily activity.

At least I was able to recognize and be aware of these quick changes nowadays. Glad I made the right decision early enough that no harm was done and the attorney couldn't whine about wasting her time.

Also, this latest blood - O Positive with modifiers for me - gave me a positive kick, or booster and I feel better today than I have following transfusion in the recent past. For this, too, I am thankful.  I am not going to be doing anything crazy, but I feel like I could put on my dancing shoes and boogie around the living room for a bit.

I am amazed.

*

The Essence of My Education Today

PHILOTIMO:  Love of Honor.

The Greek Secret.

A lot to process and work through, especially since I am not Greek. I think it's worth the time, study, and meditation.  What say you?

I am amazed.
*

I Remember These Things

First a note to readers: If a paragraph makes no sense in any post, please be advised that Blogger did (and does) re-arrange words in an arbitrary manner.  Usually in a sentence where an image has been inserted.  I don’t know why this matters, I just know it’s true.  I didn’t realize this was happening until I was proofing a few posts online recently. From now on, after posting, I will re-read it online and attempt to correct what Blogger has messed with. Sorry for any inconvenience to your brain.

I Remember These Things.

I remember the time before Black Friday. It was a 4-day weekend usually spent visiting friends and family all the while eating more turkey than you would in the next 11 months.

I remember when there was NO sunday shopping. (In NOLA,  grocery stores were open, liquor was available 24/7 and pharmacies were open. However, back then they sold only pharmaceuticals - no toys, groceries, or any non-health related items.)

I remember when you couldn’t find products from certain manufacturers at competitive prices, no matter how hard you tried,  more than a few cents either way. I speak of price fixing by companies like Panasonic and Sony, which was finally addressed in the late 1970s. Though they were hit with huge fines the end result is that consumers lost out, as usual. 

I can remember walking into a store looking for an item and if you didn’t see what you needed, there was always more in the “back” stock room and employees knew where to find it.  It was called service back then...

I remember great customer service and care, even being on a first name basis with sales staff.  Not anymore.

If retailers wonder why the internet has taken over as King and Queen of retail, they can look at themselves, their greed, treatment of employees, and lack of care for the customer base. People eventually get tired of being treated badly or abused. Really, they do. Then they vote with their feet and wallets.

For the most part, we went elsewhere. When you get better service from a small online retailer than a big name store you’ve been shopping for years, it’s time to move on. No customer service or support to speak of? Why wait in long lines to get a problem fixed? Go elsewhere. All fixed usually with a few clicks in minutes or with a quick email.  At least that’s my experience.

A far cry from the older model of holiday shopping.

I am still amazed.

*

Support Courage Campaign Institute - Shop Amazon

This only just arrived via email and since I do a lot of shopping at Amazon I think it's a great idea to help support the CCI. A worthwhile, progressive organization.

I don't give to charities much anymore. I give to St. Jude's Children's Hospital and The Ali Forney Centers and they are the only ones to get any cash. I find most others too wasteful for my taste.

Before I hear the Amazon complaints I'll just say that I shop with Amazon, not only for the prices and service, but because there are no viable brick and mortar stores within 50 miles of where I live and I will not shop at Wal*Mart.  There are other fave go-to-spots for specific items on the Interwebs, but in general Amazon covers the other bases.

Shopping local is my first priority, even if the price is a bit higher, but driving 50 or 80 miles to Malls is out of the question.  If I find it at Amazon (I'm already a Prime Member for books & movies) and two-day shipping is free, that's where I'll get what I need.

So, if you're not in the mood to hassle the long drive, or brave the crazies at the Malls, check out Amazon for just about anything and everything (I've learned this over the years) and get it within 3 to 5 days - 2-day free shipping if you're a Prime member. Make sure your purchase is eligible for the donation.

Here's the email:
*

Dear Friend, At Courage, we hope that you support and shop at small businesses. But if you're planning to use Amazon.com for your holiday purchases and beyond, please use AmazonSmile -- a program that allows small, non-profit organizations LIKE COURAGE CAMPAIGN to raise money from Amazon purchases. At no cost to you, Amazon will donate a .5% of the price to Courage Campaign for every eligible purchase you make! So why not get some of your holiday shopping done WHILE supporting a good cause? CLICK HERE to support our progressive campaigns while shopping on Amazon. You can keep doing this all through 2015! Want to make it easy to use our AmazonSmile link in the future? Bookmark this link and save it as ‘Amazon.’ It's a simple and automatic way to support Courage Campaign every time you shop at Amazon. With your purchases, you'll be helping Courage continue to fight for progressive values, equality, justice, and accountability for politicians and corporations, while training and organizing activists to change their communities. And to top it off, the AmazonSmile Foundation will donate an extra $5 to Courage Campaign for each customer who makes an eligible purchase using this link, so get shopping! Thank you for your support and Happy Holidays! Paul, along with Annie, Eddie, Laura, Lindsay, Michael, Scottie, and Tim (the Courage team)

Courage Campaign fights for a more progressive California and country. We are an online community powered by more than 900,000 members. The Courage Campaign Institute is the educational arm of the Courage Campaign family of organizations. Our mission is to defend and extend human rights through innovative leadership development, training, strategic research, and public education. http://www.couragecampaign.org?akid=1373.654996.Ur-96Q

Full Of … Surprises

It’s cold, raining, raw, getting colder - chance of snow/sleet/freezing rain tonight into tomorrow and I am one exhausted Big Cat!

Surprises:

1. Heavy rains began overnight waking me shortly after midnight.  I’ve been awake ever since. The high winds and rain have continued all day.

2. There’s a new Hematologist on my case at the center as of today. He seems more familiar with it than even the oncologists on staff.

3. Labs showed the hemoglobin numbers to be in the basement again so two units of blood were ordered - for today.  

4. With the holiday tomorrow infusion had to be done right away. Couldn’t wait, but I had to. It can take hours to type and cross match for my infusions and today was no exception.

5. Eight hours in the infusion chair alternately waiting for the blood product to arrive or being infused.

6. Arrived home to find a message from the new Hematologist asking that I call Friday to schedule an consult with him.  Seems he has an idea for a new form of treatment. Oh yes, something new. If I have the transportation, that is.

So there you have it. I had a grand list of errands to run today - thinking that the Lab results would be just fine and no transfusions necessary.  I felt fine and looked good, too.  That’s what everyone said.

So, no dry cleaners, grocery shopping, credit union (for quick cash), no quiet lunch at a nice little restaurant, and no new flannel shirts. We did manage to get to the pharmacy to pick up the waiting scripts, but that was it for the entire day.

Now I am exhausted, sore, with swollen, painful legs and nothing in my stomach all day but a bag of gold fish, a bagel, lots of ice water, and 2 cups of coffee. Jeffrey made a stop to pick up some prepared fried chicken for my supper.  Turns out the chicken is inedible. Dry and tasteless.  A cold turkey sandwich is on the menu tonight - if I have the energy to make it.

I don’t know what is the more uncomfortable; the suppressed anger, the sore butt and fatigue from the infusion chair, the wasted day, or the fact that it will be next week before I get out to try again.

With the winter weather slowly creeping into the area, those outings will be much reduced or non-existent in the weeks leading up to the end of year holidays. And once again I’ll be a prisoner in my own apartment.

The one bit of really good news came from Linda today. She got the all clear from the Irish doctors and she’s coming home tomorrow.  We are all very relieved by this news. It certainly ends the day on a high note.

I am amazed

*

The Scots, Shorter Turkey Day, & Shopping UK

Finished the ebook “How the Scots Invented the Modern World” and highly recommend it for history buffs and Anglophiles for a quick and easy, insightful read. I am sure Ur-Spo would enjoy it. And maybe even Ron at (Retired in Delaware) since he's into genealogy and family histories. In fact, anyone who enjoys the historic connections between the Britons and the Americans will learn a great deal that we didn’t read about in our history books. 

The Scottish Enlightenment, the brutal, horrific Highland Clearances, the great thinkers and doers, the proud and wide-spread Philosophy of Scottish Educational System. Absolutely fascinating. It was probably a quick read because so many real life characters were written in a way that made their historic deeds and past lives before - and during - the diaspora that much more interesting. I  hope that makes sense.

I am now on to LOTR which ought to take me well into December and away from anything and everything unpleasant. Since these are real wood-pulp books, they’ll be more of a chore to lug to and from medical appointments, but we’ll get it done.

Special Alert: Today I am in a quandary and I need help.  No matter how much I clear out the one, single closet in this apartment, there is always more to find. I came upon two more large tubs today containing items that must be identified, sorted, cleaned (if usable) thrown away (if not) and that may just be the one thing a shopper at the Thrift store is looking for. I don’t know where it is all coming from and half is unrecognizable. Now Back to Regular Blogging.

I am not looking forward to Thanksgiving. Never really liked the holiday as a kid - too much family mishugass ending in arguments and creating bad feelings

too close to the real holidays.  We weren’t a sports kind of family, so verbally beating up on relatives was the order of the day. As a kid I remember that after helping clean up the kitchen my refuge was the  bedroom where I would listen to music or read for the duration. I was never missed.

Only as a gay adult in a “stable” relationship did I begin relating to the holiday. My house became the go-to place for wayward gays and lesbians with no other place to go. From NYC and NJ, to the Delaware shore. Over the years it became a tradition.  The first year there were 5 waifs; over the years the numbers fluctuated from 5 to 11 and it was all good fun. I usually did the cooking - others brought side dishes or desserts - and everyone else cleaned up.  We'd listen to music, dance and/or watch movies on the teevee machine. Spanning the eras from Vinyl to CD; VHS to DVDs.  Very relaxing times. That life, all those people are long gone. It’s a day like any other, albeit a quieter one and I don’t miss the work and fuss one tiny bit. 

It has been over a month since I ordered the “V” shape pillow from the company in the UK.  It has now been 26 days since I received word that the package had been ‘dispatched’ but to this date, the package has not yet arrived. 

The reply to my request of “Hey! What Gives” returned a familiar excuse to us Americans - “it’s the busiest time of year for the Royal Mail as it is absolutely swamped, so please be patient and give it another 3 to 5 days.”  Well, what else can I do?  They have my money and the damned thing is somewhere between the UK and the US, probably in a small steam powered boat chugging it's way across the Atlantic.  Hhrumph!

I think I’ll partake of one of those Scottish imports that must get old to be respectfully enjoyed.  A bit of single malt Scotch Whisky.  But, that’s for much later…

I am amazed.

*

Into The Woods - Trailer.

It's taken a long time to get this play to the screen.

Anticipation: Sondheim, Rob Marshall, Musical Score.

Apprehension: Disney Studios.

Unuf said.
*

New Blood, Jettison of Shorts & Touchdown of Kilts.

One Style of Modern Utility Kilt

Unfortunately, Labs results yesterday told me I needed to be infused. The hemoglobin was down a full point - below the cut off point for my own safety. 

One unit was ordered and the port remained accessed for convenience. An appointment for blood was quickly set up for this morning at 9 am.

Nicole offered to do the honors, even if it is her day off. In return I promised a bit of winter shopping and a stop for lunch at the restaurant of her choice. She giggle and said she’d like nothing more than a burger on the beach if the weather was warmer and the winds weren’t so strong. We settled for something a little less uncomfortable - and indoors.

While I was somewhat disappointed in the outcome of the tests, the up side is that I went 2 weeks without requiring new blood. That and the fact that the platelets remain in high numbers as do the neutrophil count give me hope.   Slowly, but surely…

Patience, please! 

The infusion went well, though a little slower than usual, but I was still ready for lunch about 1 pm. And I was HUNGRY!!!  Enuf said.  

The afternoon flew by after lunch as Nicole and I traipsed around the area scouting out shopping venues for special items she wants to get her grandparents and friends. We had a good time and when we were finally done, I was pretty beat and ready for the drive home - and bed. 

I will be in bed in a few minutes and I’m sure she’ll be the same when she gets home shortly. She’s off the rest of the day, no new homework to contend with until Monday.  Her last class is tomorrow morning so I can assume she is in “chill” mode for the weekend.

Casual Tartans with sporrans.

Following 2 days of outings this week I am ready for shut-in mode, if for no other reason than to address the edema in the ankles and calves.  They are quite large after being on my feet for so long. The Kilt with soft loose cotton socks helps alleviate the itching and redness. I even bought a pair of those Eddie Bauer men’s thin lounging light-weight flannel pants, but they’re still too annoying on the front of the shins and calves.  

So, shorts or kilts are the items to remember for daily dress.  I’ve been receiving many compliments on the kilts this past week or two. So, I have a new attitude towards kilts vs. shorts.  Shorts big and baggie and not comfortable even after their washing and drying yesterday. But none of that is true with a kilt,  so as not to cause additional injury or more pain the kilt wins hands (pants!) down.

I’m totally hooked on kilts now. And…I don’t look half bad wearing one,

Similar Style to my old black one. I love it.

either. I am partial to the utility kilts due to their rugged design, heavy duty fabric, double stitching, and the over all comfortable feel. The "drop" is usually between 22" and 24" and depends on how you wear it at the waist. I'm pretty comfortable with either length, but am more used to the older 24" drop.

So, there you have it.

If you’d like more information on a small reputable company with great prices and the best shipping and customer service, just send me an email message and I’ll get the info off to you.  Or, if you’d like, I can post the info here and you can take it from there on your own. 

I am amazed.

*

The Kinks: Give Up The Complicated Life

As I play shut in again today, waiting for my V-shaped Pillow from the UK,  as well as another small package from UTKilts to arrive today, I remember this song as one of the best of the Kinks. You can listen to the video and read the tongue-in-cheek lyrics below.

"Complicated Life"

Well I woke this morning with a pain in my neck,

A pain in my heart and a pain in my chest,

I went to the doctor and the good doctor said,

You gotta slow down your life or you're gonna be dead,

Cut out the struggle and strife,

It only complicates your life.

Well I cut down women, I cut out booze,

I stopped ironing my shirts, cleaning my shoes,

I stopped going to work, stopped reading the news,

I sit and twiddle my thumbs cos I got nothing to do,

Minimal exercise,

To help uncomplicate my life,

Gotta stand and face it life is so complicated,

Ladi dah di dahdah, ladi dah di dah dah,

You gotta get away from the complicated life, son,

Life is overrated, life is complicated,

Must alleviate this complicated life.

Cut out the struggle and strife,

It's such a complicated life.

Like old Mother Hubbard

I got nothin' in the cupboard,

Got no dinner and I got no supper,

Holes in my shoes, I got holes in my socks,

I can't go to work cos I can't get a job,

The bills are rising sky high,

It's such a complicated life,

Gotta stand and face it,

Life is so complicated.

Ladi dah di dahdah, ladi dah di dah dah

Gotta get away from the complicated life, son,

Life is overrated, life is complicated,

Must alleviate this complicated life.

Gotta get away from the complicated life, son,

Gotta get away from the complicated life.

And so it goes.
*

Best Laid Plans & Encouraging Results

Neutrophil. My Friend.

Thanks to that tried and true old saying “the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry” and the ability of the Center Staff to seemingly work major miracles, everything was compacted and accomplished in this single day. When the reality hit that I had no transportation to doctor’s appointments tomorrow afternoon, mountains were moved.

Fortunately for me, a new patient was kind enough to switch days and times so all my Lab Work and other appointments could happen this morning within a few hours of each other rather than spread out through tomorrow.  

Nicole was a gem; just sat with homework spread out and did what needed to be ready for class tomorrow. Between Labs and waiting for results we sat and chatted in the lounge. When the results were announced I was whisked off to the doctor’s office for a check of vitals, review of the results, and a consult pertaining to care over the next 4 weeks. 

Turns out there is no bad news to report. My blood count is still on the rise - hemoglobin, platelets are up, even neutrophil count nudging at the normal range. The only negative is the white cell count which remains low, causing the weakness, quick fatigue and shortness of breath.  Which is something I don’t understand since Neutrophils are about 50% white cells. Still, I’ll take the rest and hope the white cells will eventually come along for the ride.

I am elated that I need not be infused this week. No blood product necessary. Maybe someday I’ll be able to go two or three weeks without infusions so I can take a mini-vacation away from everything here. Hey! It's something to look forward to...

Four drugs were discontinued, replaced by 4 others so a stop at the pharmacy to drop off the new scripts was on the gay agenda. I was tiring out and we were both getting hungry so a hardy breakfast was the next and last stop before heading back to town to deliver me to my second story prison. 

Nicki will pick up the new drugs tomorrow and drop them off on her way to work at Dos Locos in the afternoon.  Still the number of scripts on my list is smaller than it’s ever been.  That alone gives me hope. 

I am shocked and amazed by even this small change for the better. I am not going to get too excited yet. I don’t want to be shot down mid-flight again anytime soon. Slow and steady and the blessing of having the supportive folks around me to allow that to happen.

It’s been a long and exciting day and I am just about to pack it in, take my evening meds, slide under the covers and read until I fall asleep. Tomorrow is another shut in day and I'll not mind a bit.

I am amazed.

*

No Boring Shut-in Here

Flowers from Dos Locos at Hospital.

Up early again and made coffee - French Press - to warm myself up and begin the day on an up note. Actually made two big mugs to begin the day. Listened to the Pet Shop Boys video (posted earlier) to keep my mood elevated and plunged into the day. 

Ordered 2 prescription refills which will be picked up tomorrow when Nicole takes me for Lab work at the Cancer Center in the morning. She has the day off; with Linda still in Ireland she offered to fill in for the task.  Nice of her. I hated to impose because she’s going to school, and works at 2 restaurants to make ends meet.  Very little free time for herself.  I am humbled by her generosity. 

Spent some time clearing and reorganizing the closet. It was like a black bag Liquidation Sale! Turns out I was very much a Carisack collector (Havisack, too) - had them in all shapes and sizes and from every possible manufacturer. As my needs and gizmos changed, so did the size and shape of the Carisack. 

Ordered another new cap from Amazon. A gray version of the black Irish cabbie cap I’ve had for a while. I like the texture and lightness as well as how it looks with any kind of outfit - dressed up or dressed down. 

Made an appointment to meet with the local funeral director to choose the kind of service, if any, I want for my funeral. Since I am going to be cremated anyway, I don’t think I need anything fancy in which to be laid out.  If anything at all.  I know nothing about this stuff, so will fill in the details when I learn more.  I don’t even think there’s any reason for a viewing. 

Since I am not allowed fresh lettuce or tomatoes, a proper “dressed” Roast Beef Po-Boy is out of the question.  Still I can make the gravy, toast the baguette and slather it with mayo and pickles - at least making it into a modified Po-Boy, or French Dip.  That will be for supper tonight.  Chips would be nice, but I have none. Bother.

I decided to kick the Gillette and Schick shaving systems. When I found that 8 replacement blades were priced at $25.00 I vowed to find another way.  Since I shave my head as well, I wanted something with multiple blades at a reasonable cost.  And I found HARRY’S!  Great prices, good reviews, and free shipping. I ordered a starter kit which ought to be here in a week. Cost of replacement blades is half that of the other name brands. Abount $1.80 per blade.

Since I am no longer allowed to have house plants because of the mold spores causing infections, Jeffrey will be taking them home to care for them in his new place, which has a bright enclosed porch. I would have hated to throw them away, since I raised them from 6” $5.00 pots over the past 5 years and they’ve gotten very large and happy here. I hope they grow well for him, too.

Well, well, well.  Isn’t that precious?  I just received an email containing a somewhat long patient satisfaction survey from the Beebe Medical Center.  I think afternoon and part of the evening will be well spent, after all.

I am amazed.
*

A Backward Glance...

Last week at this time I was setting foot in the apartment for the first time in 5

weeks. It was a bizarre experience, I must say.

Looking back, I don’t think I’ve made the progress I hoped to make, but in some areas greater strides than I thought possible. I still tire easily, only have a slight increase in appetite, find it hard to stand and cook a full meal, still deal with occasional severe pain in legs and back, and tend to sleep sounder - and longer - than I did while in hospital.

On the other hand I’ve been out and about more. Walking without assistance, tending to my personal needs, eating better - if not more, and most of all - listening to my body instead of plowing ahead and over-exerting myself.Yes, I have learned something from this medical crisis.

I check the apartment/studio ads almost daily, but nothing has come up in my price range or in the selected area I could live. That’s depressing at times. But, it is what it is.

Spent a few hours at Dos Locos today, as well. The staff was disappointed that I couldn’t make a show of it on Friday so they contrived a sneaky-pete way to get me there early. Without going into details, at Linda’s request I put on a dress tartan kilt, sporran, the works, was picked up and spent 2 hours chatting with old customers and staff. The kilt certainly brought a smile to a lot of faces. Linda’s included.

Lots of picture taking and FB posts, folks kept trying to buy me drinks (no way!) - what I really wanted was a Rusty Nail, but seems a Mexican Restaurant doesn’t stock Drambuie.  Linda delivered me home (with my Crab Quesadila in tow) as she left for the airport for the flight to Ireland. 

It was great fun and lifted my spirits as so many people stopped by to give hugs and kisses and well wishes. It was also the third day of the first 7 being out and about with positive results.  Of course, I was tired and ready for a nap when I got home, but that is to be expected only one week on…

I hope to be around come St. Patrick’s weekend. I have plans to order a Wallace red tartan kilt, with all the trimmings in Miss Linda’s honour.  Wallace being her clan tartan, anyway. I won’t be ordering it too soon. I’ve lost way too much weight and I don’t think I could get it in this size right now without special order.  I’ll wait til the new year and see how much meat I put on these old bones, then surprise her at the annual celebration at the restaurant followed by an Irish Whiskey at Stoney Lonen (Rehoboth’s traditional Irish pub) after work.

I’ve run out of reading material and just happened to find that more books in the PERN series have been  published as e-books since Anne McCaffrey’s death. Seems she welcomed her son into her PERN sandbox before she passed away, and he took up the challenge of writing in it on her behalf. Anyway, I’ve downloaded 3 that should keep my waking hours busy for a week or so. 

I’m ready for bed now and whatever awaits me on Sunday - being a shut-in all day should be an interesting experience.

Still, I am amazed.

*

Queen of Swords

Drew this as the card of the day and while I’ve drawn her many times over the years, her true meaning just slapped me in the head. I’ve just come to recognize my own Queen of Swords.  It’s Linda! She is everything described and no matter where she appears in a reading she is always true to her nature.

Interesting this, because I just learned that Linda must return to Ireland this weekend.  This time for a health check of her own. The mammogram performed on her last visit (she keeps her Irish health insurance since the cost of similar American coverage is prohibitive) has shown a couple of anomalies. She wanted to wait a few weeks until things settled down with the restaurant and with my situation, but her wee mother put her tiny foot down, so her flight leaves Saturday evening. 

She’ll  have the series of tests on Monday with results returned the Monday following, so barring any immediate health issue, she should be back in the States on or about the 20th. of November. 

She’s worried about me getting the healthcare I need. I have labs again next Thursday 13, November,  followed by an office visit with the Oncologist on Friday the 14th. 

I insisted that with the daily progress I’m making, I ought to be able to drive myself both days; they’re a week away after all. 

I think all will be well by then, but convincing a stubborn Irish Lass (yes, she takes after her Mum!) will take some doing.  Still, it is what it is and I’ve had more personal care than I ever thought possible over these past weeks, so whatever…I’ve been blessed.

After all that said and done, the afternoon at DL has been postponed for today. I’ve become weaker throughout the day with the pain increasing in my legs and back, as well.  Some other time will have to do. I don’t want to over-reach or push myself only to end up with a relapse and another hospital stay.

I am not ready for that again.

I am amazed.

*

Throwback Thursday: Rehoboth Beach

Rehoboth Beach Boardwalk, Spring/Summer of 1992. The year the first townhome was purchased as a summer rental and 3-season get-a-way.

Rehoboth: North Shores - Whiskey Beach, 1992. Mostly gay folks with and without kids. No tourists. Not crowded and before the era of cell phones - quiet. No snack bar so you brought your own and carried your refuse out of the park with you.

More later.
*

New Month, New Day, New Tarot Cards.

I was amused, though not shocked by theTarot Card for the Month of November.

I was quite taken aback, however, by the card for today, 4 November, 2014. Both are on the money. That said, I am still waiting for my reading from Dr. Spo, unless he sent it and it went into the junk drawer.

I am slowly getting used to being back in the real world and though I tire easily I find I can accomplish more than I imagined. My body clock is still wacky - waking up for meds in the middle of the night and all that - but it’s slowly getting back to it’s own rhythm. 

The visiting nurse showed up yesterday to check my vitals and check my overall outlook for the future.  Big mistake, that. Her patient information was riddled with inconsistencies and outdated medication data. I had to bring her up to date. Two hours later, she was out the door with a promise to return next Monday to check progress and perhaps discharge me as her patient.

Hospital fashion accessories.

Unpacked most things from the hospital, called for an appointment for Lab work at the Cancer Center on Wednesday morning, and promptly needed bed rest.  Not that strong yet. Slept through until 3:30 am today.

Felt stronger this morning; friend Jeffrey took me to the Polls - yes I voted and surprisingly it was crowded - then we decided to go out to breakfast. A first time for me in many months, and most enjoyable for us both. Gave me a chance to be out and about while we caught up on news and local politics as I realized I didn't have to wear the isolation mask, and had a pretty strong appetite for a change. It’s about time. Seems I’ve lost over 30 pounds, not the 20 pounds I had suspected. 

While he had me out and about anyway, he took me to do some light grocery shopping for things that fill in the gaps, like (canned/frozen) fruit, puddings, bagels, ice cream, juices, and even some cheese. I have been craving spicy sausage, cheese, and crackers.  Now I’ve got it.

After over 3 hours it was time to get back. The legs took to wobbling and balance began to go west, if you get my drift. So, he brought me home, brought the groceries upstairs, and helped me put the refrigerated items away before he headed back to the polls where he is on call this afternoon and evening.

Linda’s had car trouble, so I doubt I’ll see her today, but we have talked by phone and text. I’ve offered her my car, but she’s ignored the suggestion. I guess she’s afraid it might be needed in an emergency if I needed to go back to hospital. I don't see that happening right now.

She has taken it upon herself to organize every aspect of my daily recovery and I cannot tell you how comforting it is to know that. She sent over another container of her rich, meaty Irish stew yesterday, so I have another 2 home made meals that only require heating up for a minute or two. Nice.

I have part of a rotisserie chicken left and just might scrape up the energy to make a chicken noodle soup later in the week.

It is a perfect Autumn day with temps in the 50s - 60s, which is good luck for me. With the rash on my feet and legs it’s impossible to wear long trousers, my street clothes consisted of cargo shorts, long sleeve shirt and Dos Locos Hoodie. I was toasty enough and the cool air felt good on the rash and legs. 

Now, I’ve gotten out of the street clothes and into sweats, am about to crawl under the covers, maybe enjoy a nap. A lot was accomplished today in a short time, it seems more like a whole day has passed, it's only mid-day.

I am amazed.

*

Awake

Arrived. 

Late afternoon.

At the old apartment.  don’t ask.

Weak, elated, overwhelmed confused.

Walking in the open a startling contrast to walking hallways. 

New Meds to supersede old Meds.  No energy to sort it out then.

Clean apartment.  Clean, fresh sheets.

Cold and bewildered. Very weak.

Had a cup of soup and was put to bed.

Glorious sleep.

Awake now. Time to unpack, regroup and reassess.
Only just realized that the clocks weren't turned back one hour. Bother!

Too early for such activity. Rest more.

So much to write about. Get thoughts organized first.

I am still here. 

Amazing.

*

Rigers, Oxygen, & Demerol

Bother!  It’s happened again.  Just when I thought I was getting a handle on the relationship between the fevers and the acute pain another new wrinkle is added to the mix.

At 1:30 this morning I was virtually flattened by a fever of 103! It came out of nowhere, sent nurses into quick action, left me sprawled, trembling with Rigers as they attempted to warm me up and make me comfortable. I also received another 6-pak of platelets. Which seemed to help, too.

No false alarm this time round (you know how tired I get just writing the same things over and over again?) only a real slam-bang slice of the nasties to ruin my night’s sleep and make the day miserable. I’m eating a little more, though not much. 

Bev-Ann, one of the best nurses at the center called this morning to say good-bye, seems she’s on her way to 3-weeks in Spain and wanted to tell me she missed me and hoped I was doing well.  Now how nice is that??

The rest of today has been more surprising than ever. As the sun tried to make an appearance through heavy cloud and rains, my energy level seemed to perk up and I was suddenly very hungry. 

After a moderate size breakfast - with 2 cups of coffee, mmd you! - I shaved and trimmed by beard (baby-fearsome is still thicker than I ever imagined. I set about doing a medi-wipes hand shower, followed by a good shampooing.  I’ve not been able to shave my head in almost a month, still can’t, but I was able to scrub it clean and feel refreshed.  More than I have in weeks.

Attacked all the paper work and updated mailings from credit cards, credit union, etc. It’s been sorted out and will go into the file cabinet when Linda returns this weekend. 

By lunch time I was hungry again, but only enough room for a soup, crackers, and some sherbet.  More than enough for me; it felt good not to waste food, too.

After lunch I knew I was done for the day and settled in to read a while.The pain was really bad, but so far, no fevers. A very good sign. Put on oxygen, grabbed an icepack for my upper back, slid under the covers and rested.

For some bizarre reason I feel a kind of calmness that some things are about to fall into place and I’ll be out of here soon.

The LocosGuys called with more cryptic questions and statements regarding my time frame for the move. They keep pointing to an apartment in a specific development, but won’t give me information, so I am not going to take in seriously as I continue to hunt for new digs. 

While I like the guys, this is no time for 20 questions, Truth or Consequences, or Jeopardy.  I need a place to live. No games! I have no time for games, and even less time for bullshit.

Now I await a happy painkiller to see e through.  

Here’s hoping for a peace filled, glorious night. The Seawitch Weekend begins tomorrow.

And so it goes.

*