Moria Caturday

"Fly, You Fools!

More later.
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The Ugly Has Returned.

Not doing well - again - and have spent  the last 2 days in bed either asleep, reading, or fighting off nausea. The body has rebelled against one of the new meds by presenting plagues of acne, and nasty, painful boils. No appetite to speak of; no food sounds enticing or even interesting. No energy for its preparation, either. I eat what I can, when I can, and pray it stays down. 

It amazes me how quickly things can change - I mean, in a matter of a few hours - and life is miserable all over again. To top it off,  I knew there was trouble when I spiked a fever of 100.1 this morning. Slammed right into that big wall of WTF!  Really.

This turn of events is a far cry from only a few days ago. I felt like taking on the world. Now I can barely put on my own socks and shoes without resting between each process. It’s like there’s not enough oxygen in the room.

There's a doctor's appointment this morning before transfusion where I will learn the next course of action he has planned. I think it may be a chemo.  We’ll see.

Reading has taken my mind off what I’m dealing with, for the most part. Since I spend most time in bed, I’ve not read, or kept up with my favorite bloggers.  I hope that will change after today’s transfusion. 

Though I am scheduled for one unit, something tells me that 2 are in my future once they do a new blood workup. We’ll see.  I also want the nausea issue to be addressed, because that’s really the worst lately. Tea with ginger and lemon help, but not for long and only if I lie down immediately.

I find dry heaves painful and exceedingly unattractive. 

We’ll be back after these messages…

And o it goes.

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First Look: New Tarot Deck

The Visconti - Sforza or The Golden Tarot

A Sample: The Pope = Il Papa  (Hierophant)

The Enclosed Guide Description:
In real life, the Pope possesses the right to crown the Emperor, and his position in the Trump story appropriately places him above the other rulers.
The Pope’s right hand is raised in a sign of benediction, and in his left hand, he holds the papal cross. He wears the three-tiered crown that symbolizes papal authority and represents the unity of mind, body, and spirit. His white beard is an archetype for wisdom, while his white tunic represents purity of the soul.
Together, the robe, crown, and cross stand for ceremony and ritual, imparting historical significance and gravitas dot his bearing. In spite of the Pope’s lofty title, all power is temporal, symbolized by the Pope’s position within the Trumps.

A Sample:  Death = La Morte

Guide Description:
This eerily animated skeleton is the starring figure in an allegorical work of art called the Dance of Death, created in response to a plague that decimated the population in the fourteenth century.
Death holds a bow in its left hand and an arrow in its right. Its piercing eyes stare menacingly out of deep, shadowed eye sockets.
We have seen that Strength, having triumphed over unrestrained ambition, has been trumped by the pain and suffering of the Hanged Man, and now, by Death.
It is no coincidence that Death's rank in the Tarot deck is the unlucky thirteen. But it's obvious from Death's position in this allegory that all is not lost: there are many more trump cards left in the deck.

This deck is a marvelous treasure and worth the wait of so many years. There is much pleasure to be had and much to learn about this new (old) deck. I look forward to spending lots of time in its company.  And, oh my, the cards are very large. Yes, even for my notoriously large hands.

More later.
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No Jinx, Please.

I’m almost afraid to type it for fear of bad Ju-Ju. 

Truth is, I’ve felt quite good, almost myself, for the past 3 days. No ill side-effects from drugs.  Only negatives are an annoying outbreak of teenage skin, caused by the Danazol and similar to the problem with the Prednisone; and the continued issue of poor circulation in both hands.

Saturday was a day full of new adventures and rain.  Sunday was a day full of friends, conversations, shared cocktails with co-workers at Dos Locos and rain. Well-rested and content with the world and my new place in it. 

Monday lunch with a friend at another place I’ve never been. A great find. Another hidden gem of a place with great food (most everything made on site) and, as witnessed by the lunch crowd, well worth the price and waiting time.  You want fresh, you wait for it. Period. 

It’s been a time of not caring when I sleep or how long; wake refreshed, calm, almost serene. No negativity to ruin my mood or insinuate itself into my world. I am loving the new experience.

The sun is out for the first time in 5 days and it looks like a grand spring day ahead.  Maybe a perfect day for a drive to the Indian River Inlet to take in the fisher folks and surfers, just for a change of scenery and to get fresh ocean air in my dusty lungs.

I came across a recipe for Fried Rice which is likely to be on my gay agenda for supper this evening. It’s quick, light, and meatless.  I have all ingredients - and then some - so additional goodies may be included in the mix before they go bad in the fridge.

The new Tarot card for April has been drawn and it seems a good one for positive energy and balance. I can certainly use a lot of both as I prepare for the possible upcoming Chemo treatments. 

One step at a time. So far, all steps in the right direction.

And so it goes.

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Note:  For whatever reason, Blogger chose not to post this yesterday. I found it in the "Drafts" folder this morning.  Don't ask!

Power Drain

Yesterday in mid-afternoon there was a tremendous rush of sound and thundering noise of group of low-flying military aircraft (probably out of Dover AFB north of here) that shook the building and rattled things all around me.

No sure what happened. I know I didn’t dream it. It was too sweeping and happened too fast to comprehend at first.

Within a a half hour of the flyover everything run by batteries, or using battery backup, in my apartment began to die. Total power drain of every single device.

Sudden warnings that the cell phone needed a charge, as did the Nexus. The wireless keyboard went, the weather radio, followed by the batteries in the cordless phone handsets - both of them! 

The kitchen timers and then the cordless mouse. The kitchen wall clock stopped at 2:40 pm. I have 2 battery operated watches and they both stopped working within minutes of each other - also around 3 pm. 

The cellphone had a full charge in the morning and the mouse batteries had been replaced less than a day earlier.

Finally, all batteries were replaced, cell phone and Nexus charged last evening. All seems back to normal now.On standby overnight, those 2 devices had used less than 2% of their stored power.  WTF???

I have no answer for this odd and curious happening.  I just know it happened. Not imagined. I am no longer on Prednisone and one cannot hallucinate this stuff when the tangible evidence (a dozen dead batteries of all types) is sitting in a baggie ready for the recycle center drop off.

No, this is not an April Fool joke.  I’d feel better if it was.

Was the government up to something, or did I take the short bus to the Twilight Zone? Both possibilities are scary.

And so it goes.

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TMI: LET ME SEE YOUR TRUE COLORS

1. What is your favorite color?

Royal Purple. Not violet.

2. What color are your eyes?

Dark Brown

3. What color is your hair?

None.

4. What color is your bedroom?

Cream, off-white

5. Which color do you look best in?

Don’t know.  I’ve been told it’s Blue

6. Is there a color you never wear?

No.  My mood chooses the colour for the day or occasion.

7. How did you pick the color of your car?

I didn’t. It was purchased used.  Dark Blue.

8. Are your eyes ever green with envy?

Many years ago when I was young and stupid.

9. Do you have a signature color?

Purple (see #1)

10. How much do you love Cyndi Lauper!

Lots.  She is under rated.  She gets better with age and experience. That voice is simply outrageous.  She’s a true gift.

BONUS

Gray hair is sexy here_______, there_________ but never ________.

here: when clean, 

There: well groomed, 

But never: dirty. 

And so it goes.

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An Unexpected Day.

Don’t remember falling asleep last night. I know I didn’t have supper.  Wasn’t hungry, just very tired after the long day.

Woke up at 1:30 AM to find the night stand lamp still on. Most unusual. I’ve

always had a hard time sleeping with lights on. Probably one reason I’ve never been able to nap all these years. Obviously, that wasn’t the case last night.

Got up for a glass of fresh, cold water and noticed how very light my body felt. Not light-headed, but light as in the opposite of heavy or sluggish.  ‘The new blood’, I thought as I crawled back into bed, turned onto my side and went back to sleep. 

The timer went off at 4 AM for the days first meds and I was bright-eyed, happy, and ready for the new day. Brushed my teeth and thought of a big breakfast.  Just what I wanted - after one very large coffee. 

As the coffee brewed I drew my card of the day - which turned out to be “The Fool” and had a new understanding of what was going on. Something was shifting - inside and out - and I felt, well, free of care, and being in the present. An odd and rare sensation.

A text arrived from sidekick Debbie asking if I’d like to visit an Amish farm market store in a small town about 30 miles away. There are a few things she wants to order to have on hand for Easter weekend.

Sure, I’m game. There are a few Amish delicacies that I wouldn’t mind enjoying myself.  I reminded her that rain storms were due to increase throughout the day and her response was that it made no difference - at least it wasn’t snow! - and that the shoppers at the market would be fewer making for a more relaxed, Saturday shopping experience. She would call to set up a pickup time after walking the dog on the beach.  Her beautiful dog loves the beach, especially in the rain.  Go fig.

Coffee and breakfast were history, cleaned up the stove and washed pans and dishes. About to take a shower when another text came through.  This one from Frankie, a co-worker at DL who keeps in touch via text now and then, telling me that he’s going to walk to work today in “shorts and flip flops because it’s a warm and very wet day.”  He also noted that the forecast for his upcoming 2 days off calls for sunny skies, and temps in the 70s.  Days like that mean that you will most likely find Frankie on the beach.  Hands down.  

I laughed and replied that he should enjoy the stroll in the rain, but not spend too much time staring up at the sky or he may drown. He responded with a big text HUG!

Following a shower and after making the bed, another text from Deb arrived with a pickup time.  Have never been to this small town, and it’s been 10 years, or more, since I’ve visited a real Amish Market.  We’re both excited.

Not sure if the market vendors accept credit cards, I made a quick dash to the ATM for a bit of Fast Cash, JIC. It’s rainy and foggy but a perfect spring day. Fresh air and mild temperatures.  I know now why Frankie sent that text.  He wasn’t kidding. It is a delightfully perfect wet day.

Miss Deb is on her way.  I’ve got a large empty backpack, I’m ready to roll.  

Nice drive and the sprawling market wasn’t hard to find. The rain storms had not increased as predicted (well, am I surprised!) but there was ample parking -  and walking in, the place smelled like heaven. So many “like home” smells that one didn’t know where to turn first. Great fun!

Fresh sausages and other meats; hams and sausages slow baking in ovens making mouths water.  (I love ham, but no longer enjoy it since I don’t handle huge amounts of salt anymore.) Fresh goose, duck, chicken, pork, venison, and even rabbit.  Domestic or wild; whole or cut up. 

And all those cheeses. O.M.G!!! Most, if not all, family made and fresh, fresh, fresh!! I had to keep reminding myself that I am only one person anymore and if I purchased too much it would eventually be thrown away.  One person cannot eat that much of the fabulous in a short time.  That is just the truth. 

So, orders were placed for hams and other meats to be available for pickup the week prior to Easter. I placed an order for 2 wild rabbits (portion cut) for the same time, as well as some knock-yer-socks-off Cinnamon buns to share with the cancer center staff at Easter.

I purchased a chunk of Souse (or Hog’s Head Cheese, as we call it in the south), the last chunk they had, and ordered another full pound for the Easter pickup. Stop with the gagging.  I love the stuff.  It beats chips and other fattening junk when you need a quick fix.

A family was holding court with a sort of indoor yard sale near the entrance to help defray the medical expenses of a young woman afflicted with a rare bone marrow disease.  Well, how could I NOT buy something there??? Debbie found a few homemade, decorated planters and an old herb-hanger. I found a couple of very sharp paring knives and an old 3 cup Bodum French Press coffee maker.  I had these in various sizes in my previous life and it struck me that now would be a good time to have another one. I brew one large cup daily and the Bodum press ritual makes a strong, rich cup of coffee, just as you like it. Note: In Bodum terms a cup is measured as a 4 oz. job, ready for hot milk and some kind of sweetener. None of this pre-measured, k-cup bullshit rubbish. The Bodum, looking as good as new, has been washed, dried, and is on my gay agenda for tomorrow morning, if there was any doubt.

Backpack stuffed with our goodies, we stopped for a sausage and sauerkraut sandwich and a hot, soft pretzel before heading to the car.  The storms still had not materialized, the air was warmer and the fog was thicker.  The drive back to the beach was quiet and relaxed with few other cars on the back roads. 

We sorted out the backpack treasures when we arrived at my place and I was made to circle the pickup date for our next trip on my kitchen wall calendar.  As if either of us would forget to make that trip.  I don’t think so. 

Snug and pretty much all in, changed into sweats and tee-shirt, prepping wings with an artichoke salad for supper (yes, finger food) and enjoying the afterglow of the day. 

I am ready for a glass of wine leftover from yesterday as I catch up on my blog reading.

BTW: 

I love the new desk, although there are minor setbacks. The old chair from my “previous life” is too low for the desk and it’s height is no longer adjustable. Also, I now need an old fashioned mousepad. The desk surface is clear glass and causes problems with the optical mouse. Everything old is new again. 

And the new Inkkas shoes will make their first public appearance tomorrow

when they adorn my happy feet at Dos Locos in the afternoon.  Just to note, these are the most comfortable shoes I’ve ever worn that were not specifically made for my ugly,  deformed, dancer’s feet.  As all INKKAS shoes are handmade, it still amazes me that they could be this comfy without the individual measuring and fitting, but they do fit very well, indeed. A smart purchase with more on the way.  There was a 20% off coupon enclosed with the new shoes.  They know a good thing, don’t they? I do, too.

To the Universe: A humble request:  More days like this one, please.  It would make me happy and I’d be most grateful for the adventures.

And so it goes.

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Caturday Walk on The Wild Side

Can't be too careful.

And so it goes.
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Come Together...Right now…Over me.

Good day all round. A fat, viable vein was located quickly this morning, so the transfusion time went smoothly.  No problems with any of my vitals.  All good.

Linda called early and asked if the desk assembly could happen ASAP.  Why Yes, of course.  Well, Miss Linda done brang her own power tools (I had my own at ready - Lesbian in training, you know) and took herself some time to study them Chinese instructions for putting together the glass and metal monster. 

Then all Hell broke loose. Razor knife flashing, foam packaging flying, and plastic bags containing various and sundry parts bouncing around between two rooms. Not one, but two! Where ever the light was better. Parts were separated into groups for each section (they were well labeled - glad I checked all those reviews before ordering this desk) and the attack began.

My Job: assist by holding various parts in place as she drilled or screwed; opened parts packages containing the smallest bolt and nut combos either of us had ever seen (God bless China!); I was in charge of the corkscrew and wine, and made sure the Cabernet was at a proper flow rate;  took great care to make sure Linda’s wine glass was never half empty. 

In one and a half hours, the new desk took shape, and was in its new place. I was thrilled.  Linda liked it too. It does keep the area light and airy. Glass and metal.  Yes, a bitch to keep clean, but I’ll take the trade-off of light over dark.

I helped take the beaucoup packing materials to her car (she will take them to the dump, bless her!) then we came upstairs to finish off the Cabernet. A good one neither of us had experienced before, suggested by the wine merchant at the store. 

After a quick hug she took off to run other errands, (this is her day off, by the way) I busied myself with glass cleaner and paper towels (there are 4 large glass surfaces) before placing peripherals on the shelves.  

I began to tire and about ready to hang up the cleaning supplies when I heard footsteps on the stairs and a *clunk* as a package was delivered outside the door.

Brought in the package, opened it, and found these. An order placed weeks ago and delivered at just the right time. Oh yes.  I need this boost. They will be worn to the restaurant this weekend, for sure. They fit well and are extremely comfortable. I initially thought they may be too outrageous, but with black jeans and solid colour shirt, they are just fine.  I love them.

New blood, a new desk, new Inkkas.  Happy surprises. My day is ending on a happy, high note. These don’t happen too often anymore. 

I am more than ready for bed after the day’s  excitement. May tomorrow bring nothing but more of the same.

And so it goes.

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Blast From The Past - Long Thought Lost

As I get ready for the assembly of the new desk I have gone rummaging through a plastic tube filled with smaller boxes and bags containing old office stuff, newspaper clippings, and letters to editors; not to mention odds and ends like these from my previous life, a few memorables from my activist and volunteer days. 

These are a few items discovered in an old #10 envelope box. Thought I’d scan and post them before they hit the trash with so many other memories this week. 

Memories of good people and events, and some very sad times. When I find this stuff I have to pinch myself and ask “Was that really me? Was I really there? When did I stop doing so much, and why?”

Boggles the mind to this day.

And so it goes.

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Safe and Dry. And Medical Intervention, of Sorts

With anatomically correct, bikini-clad birthday cake. 

Right on time!  Friend Linda arrived when she promised and the box containing the desk was scooted inside a less than 2 minutes.  (Image at right taken at surprise birthday party in 12/13, the cake was a huge hit, and delicious - click to embiggen)

We talked for a while about the best plan to get the thing assembled when it would be convenient for both of us. Not a problem for me, other than Labs and Transfusions. For her, it’s another story.

She’s off on Thursday and Friday, so I suggested Saturday after the lunch shift at DL.  She countered with a possibility of mid-morning Friday or Saturday evening.  I said I didn’t want to intrude into her precious personal time off, but she dismissed that with a wave and casual expletive.

I mentioned that historically, Fridays are my transfusion days and could mean only a couple of hours (1 unit) or a full day (2 units).  She decided that I should let her know the outcome of Labs on Thursday and we can take it from there. 

The numbness in my fingers and hands has gotten progressively worse over the past few months. The digits happened to be pale green while she was here and she noticed. Pointing to my shriveled, anemic hands... “Good God, Wayne.  What the fuck is that?” My lay attempt to explain was cut off by, “What do you take for it?” Well, pretty much nothing.  Just warm them by stuffing them into any warm nook and cranny on the body surface I can find.

Her eyes suddenly lit up and a smile passed her lips as her gaze settled on the bottle of Jameson’s Irish Whiskey she gave me for Christmas over a year ago. (It was sitting on a shelf keeping the lonely Bombay Sapphire company.)  “Well,” she said, “ try just a wee half-shot of that and I promise you’ll get relief.” With that she made for the door - she was going to open the restaurant last evening - gave me a hug and, as she walked down the stairs called over her shoulder, “I’m not joking about the Jameson’s. For God’s sake, just try it once. What’s to lose? You’ll never know otherwise.” 

What DO I have to lose?  Nothing but the numbness and pain. So, I grabbed the shot glass, and fumbling with numb fingers filled it half way up, and knocked it back.  It was warm, felt really good going down and in a few minutes the numbness had turned to tingling and then feeling as circulation returned to both hands. 

I am not sure the staff at the Cancer Center would approve, but if the symptoms are present in the morning, as they usually are when I have to get into a cold car at 7 AM and drive to the labs, another half-shot is definitely on my gay agenda.  Approval be damned! I wonder if they would even notice.  

Anyway, I tried to order a chair for the new desk, but the 2 models I chose were not in stock on line. If I am well enough following the Labs tomorrow I will make a stop to check stock at the store. If so, I may just make the purchase, so Linda can put it all together at the same time.  Bless her heart.

Though we got more snow than forecast, the sun is out and it’s melting quickly.  It may all be gone by tomorrow, but the temperatures are likely to remain in the 20s throughout the day. Oh, well.  Trade off. Trade off.

And so it goes.

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Shipping, Shopping & New Snow

No, wait.  That’s not right.  Look at the calendar! It’s almost April.  Wait.  Is this an early April Fools joke?

I had to “make groceries” as they say in New Orleans, this morning and depending on who you talked to, we could get one inch, or 6 before the impending storm ends this evening. All I know is the grocery shelves were being ravaged and it was only 7:30 this morning. Such panic seemed ridiculous. 

And then there’s the matter of the new desk which was delivered sometime last evening (I must have been asleep because I heard nothing, and it’s a large, heavy box, to be sure) and needs to be brought in from the elements before rain/snow gets too heavy and does damage to the packaging. 

At least the box was brought up the stairs to the porch, so there is some limited protection, but I’ve sent a text to Linda telling her of the arrival and asking that she stop by when she has a break to bring the box indoors.  The desk can always be assembled some other time, but I don’t want to risk unnecessary damage from the weather. 

Of course, there remains the issue of a new desk chair, the shopping for which had to be aborted last weekend due to circumstances beyond my control. Retail options are limited.  Around here, everything pretty much boils down to Staples or Wal*Mart - and I do not shop at Wal*Mart.

I’ve bookmarked, and printed, a couple of options at the Staples website, but there’s no way to tell if they must be ordered and delivered through the site, delivered to the store for pickup, or purchased and picked up at the store.  It’s all very vague.  And don’t even attempt to “chat” with a tech associate unless you really lonely, or need a good laugh.

Yes, a retailer touting their tech savvy, hosts a shitty, convoluted, un-friendly website…and they wonder why they’re losing money and customers. 

I would order from the site and have the purchase delivered, but there’s a good chance they’d just drop it off at the bottom of the stairs, which would not do for me at all. 

The snow has just begun to fall - it’s coming down rather hard - and I just received a text from Linda that she will be here within the hour. All will be well very soon.

And so it goes.

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