I couldn't put my finger on it, but I instinctively knew I WAS different. Detached. Television, as bad as it was before, now unwatchable for more than 5 minutes. The only activities I've enjoyed are work and reading. While snowbound, I reread "Chaplin" Charlie Chaplin's autobiography and found it exciting and refreshing as if taking it on for the very first time. Chaplin loved words (being illiterate as a child) and had a lovely, challenging way with them which, when I first read the book 40 years ago sent me flipping through the dictionary every few pages. Well, I suppose age is good for something; no dictionary this time round.
Then a few things happened yesterday and today that offered the key to what was missing.
A hug.
A kind word.
A thoughtful letter of recognition.
I am used to being outgoing and giving with no expectations in return. I guess I was running on empty and needed replenishment of my own. Four years ago I learned the hard way to take nothing for granted in life . It can all go away in a flash - and did.
This weekend out of the blue, 3 diners (perfect strangers) asked if they could give me a hug. They seemed to think that I went over and above the call of duty on their behalf, making them comfortable and showering them with attention. I didn't. I just did what I do and it was infectious, I suppose.
All that said, something HAS changed within me and will never be the same. Not necessarily a bad thing.
A new, different me. Now I need a whole new wardrobe for this different me...Um, maybe not.
And so it goes.
*
If ever there was evidence of the benefits of "paying it forward", it is your post. We all need refueling now and again. Once refueled, we reach out to share our energy with another.
ReplyDeleteSounds like cabin fever finally caught up with you. Don't know how you stayed in that frozen room that long without going raving mad.
ReplyDeleteChange is good. I found a dime!
Think Spring.
THC