Drugs and Willpower

Drug induced confidence and sheer willpower made it possible to get to the pharmacy late morning, yesterday. The pharmacists arrive late on Sundays, so there was time for me to medicate and prepare myself for the 2-mile drive.

Along with the regular meds I knocked back a double painkillers and megadose of Tylenol to help get me there and back again. 

Waiting for the scripts to be filled (the pharmacist has been taking good care of me lately - I supposed seeing the list of medications I’m taking he knows I’m in a difficult struggle and does his best to get me in and out quickly) I sat with a glass of iced water offered by the pharmacist’s assistant. 

I felt the energy seeping from everywhere. My legs began to throb and felt as stumps, joints ached, I was sweating bullets after the walk from the car park to the pharmacy.  Why do they put the actual pharmacy in the very back end of the store? The counter seemed miles away and the walk took forever.  

The new prescriptions filled and paid for, I weaved back to the car trying not to look as if I’ve been on a Lost Weekend. Traffic was very heavy, thanks to the beautiful Autumn weather. so I had to concentrate on asshole drivers as I drove home.

I popped the first Levaquin (daily antibiotic - 1 a day for 10 days), the first much needed Ativan, followed by 2 heavy duty Tylenol then dropped onto the bed. Too tired to remove my clothes I managed to kick off my shoes and lie quietly waiting for the meds to kick in to offer some relief. I fell asleep in short order.

Temperature was 99.4 when I was able to wrestle myself out of bed to remove my clothes, so no visit to the hospital for the present. The joint pain had also subsided (except for the knees, still sore from the fall) making sitting up and walking easier.

Wolfed down a bowl of my wonderful chicken soup then a big glass of water.  I drank two more - one after the other - and slid under the covers once again. 

Read and slept as needed letting everything else wash over me.  Though I still had no appetite to speak of, I downed the last of the soup with an Ensure chaser, took the evening meds and hit the sheets once again.  This time for the duration. 

Today the bruising continues to heal. Still very weak, but so far no shortness of breath, chest pain, or dizziness.  I plan to make this day a duplicate of yesterday, with the exception of driving anywhere. I will read and sleep as I feel the need and forget about everything.  All else is out of my control, so why bother?

I face a meal of one of those frozen dinners, you know, the ones that will survive the next Ice Age, but I am plotting carefully, hoping to gather enough energy to make another soup.  A beef, vegetable with rice this time.  Again, because once prepped and bubbling there is no other work to do. It simply cooks itself.  I would love some fresh baked bread, too, but that’s too much to ask for at present.

Any regular reader knows how I love to cook my own food. I especially love doing recipes that remind me of my childhood in the south.  Most of those dishes are energy-sapping, time-consuming, and labor-intensive. Readers must also know how vulgar I feel eating something pre-cooked and frozen  It’s bad enough that I have to eat only canned or frozen fruits and vegetables. 

They will also know that I must really want to make it through this disease if I am willing to eat any of that stuff to survive.  I can only hope that eating that crap doesn’t do me in first.

And so it goes.

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