Tomorrow and the Future?

When asked recently about any plans for tomorrow and the future and my response was - I ain't so sure about either anymore. There's an old saying that "if you want to make G*d laugh, make plans." And more often than not, it seems to be true. Some random thoughts on life...not that I have one.

Yesterday, on the way to Job #2 I was rear ended while stopped at a red light. The well coiffed old bat didn't know how to drive (or brake) her big new SUV and slammed into me. I got out of the car and screamed at her. She rolled down her window and asked why I was upset...yep, those were her first words. How dare I interfere with her air-conditioned ride! She didn't care about any damage and was about to drive away, but I guess seeing that I could spit nails or chew her face off, decided to get out and exchange insurance info. I filed a claim with her insurance company before going to work and will contact mine on Monday because they were closed yesterday.

Working two jobs to dig out from under and maybe get some kind of life one day, just doesn't want to work out for me. Rent is going up next month, auto insurance went up due to the last accident and will likely go up again - though this was not my fault either. I'm still paying off the hospital and emergency room folks. All other expenses are going up weekly, but salaries remain the same.

Three years ago I had a nice house, big screen TV, great surround sound system, and a life partner of 30 years. Then I was hospitalized and out of circulation for 4 months following the surgeries. During this time I found out that my partner was seeing someone else and planning to build a new house (and life) with him. Two years ago I went from home owner to homeless in the space of a month. Everything went with him to his new life - including many of his gifts to me. I began learning that I didn't require much to live comfortably, and a good thing too, because I had nothing.

Finding this tiny apartment was a blessing, and the healing experience I needed so badly began. Then the fall last November sent me to the ER with a fractured spine and more medical bills. The hospital and ER staff worked out new payment plans - adding the new charges to the existing one - and I went back to work.

Though I continued to search for another part time (or a full time job) the tanking economy made that futile until this past April when I got job #2. That said, if the economy doesn't improve soon, job #1 may be in jeopardy. Luxury items are the first scratched off shopping lists and fine jewelry is a big time luxury.

Fortunately, I love both jobs for different reasons and the extra money will help eventually (I hope!) but not yet. I'd like to go out for dinner or drinks once in a while, but the budget is too tight for those luxuries. Aside from the 3 shift meals offered weekly at job #2, I do all my cooking. And this accident will cause more upheaval, time, and expense. Oh, Joy!!!

I stopped planning for the future when my world fell apart and my health and insurance went south. I can't bring myself to make another attempt. Anything, as the event yesterday shows, can happen at any time to send my life into another spiral of chaos and planning a future will only tax whatever energy I have left. Taking each day as it comes and doing what needs doing to get through isn't much of a life, but it is all I have for now.

Oh well. Blather, rinse, repeat. At present I have a roof over my head, healthy meals on the table, and the ability (creativity?) to get the bills paid on time. There is also gin, tonic, lime, and Absinthe. So, there's that...

And so it goes.
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