Thursday, October 16, 2014

From the Edge of My Bed...

The past several days have been a painful haze. I don’t even remember publishing yesterday’s post. 

I’ve been flirting with fevers of up to 105 (highest is 104.6 so far)  but for some reason last night, my body threatened to drown me as the fever finally lost it’s battle for supremacy - where I was at 103.5 at one instant then 99.1 a few minutes later. 

Taking deep, full, breaths was suddenly very painful and I didn’t know where I was or what was happening to me.  Turns out I am still in the same room, same hospital, a 3-day fever finally broke, and there was increased activity all around me.

Turns out I have a darling case of Pneumonia and there is a lump of something in my right lung - lower lobe.  Haven’t eaten in 3 days - only ensure, sherbet, and ice cream - so I’m pretty weak.  

The battle of the fevers is caused by the tumor fevers and the pneumonia fevers - and I am stuck in the middle.  No fair!

Temperature remains 99.F and I am scheduled for a Barium Milkshake this morning in an effort to find out where that lump has come from.  This means, of course, that my first hours feeling well enough to eat food is denied me until after the test. So, what’s a few more hours?

Linda is in Ireland today. Before leaving yesterday, she stopped by bringing me fresh clean underwear and a few snacks I hope to enjoy later today. She talked about emptying my apartment, since I won’t ever live there again, told me of possible living spaces she has feelers out for and even though I was still in a fever fog, before leaving for the airport I know she sat next to me on the bed, held my hand, looked me straight in the eye and said, “I Love You Wayne!”

We’ve never used such language in the past, but she said it, meant it, even kissed me on the cheek before heading out the door. Touched, stunned, surprised, disbelieving, and so many more feeling welled up inside of me. I curled up and cried like a newborn babe.  I felt empty and full at the same time Hard to describe in this drug induced state. I’ve never heard those words spoken in quite that way in my life.

Anyway, it’s 4 am, on Thursday morning EDT and I am actually sitting on the side of my bed feeling strong enough to write at least a little of what’s been a nightmare here. 

Doors are closing rapidly, but others are opening very slowly, if at all. I hope for more positive change by the weekend.  Time will tell.
I’l try to get to email and check out comments as I feel well enough.  I never thought just the act of checking email would be so consuming and overwhelming.  But it is, Blanche,  It is!

I’ll trying being more consistent in writing, but make no promises. I’m tired already and 4 hours still remain before the test and the possibility of food after that.

And so it goes.



  1. bless linda! you ARE loved, dear; you don't realize how many of us are rallying around you. write when you can. enjoy the snacks.

  2. Just write when you feel like it. I don't know about the others out there but I'm clicking over two or three times a day just to check on you. I love seeing a new post but understand when there is not one. If I was closer I'd stop in to see you.

  3. Do remember that you're still in the thoughts of MANY of us, C., still wishing you improvements like mad.
    Peace and comfort to you.

  4. You're in my thoughts every day. I wish I could come and offer you comfort but unsure when is the best time. I'm glad Linda was with you and is looking after you. You are loved by many, even though we're not there in person to look into your eyes and hold your hand and tell you so.

  5. I am hoping for positive changes for you in health as well. Your writing about Linda is very touching, it's good she told you what she feels for you. I hope you were able to have something to eat after your test. I'm sorry you are going thru so much and I'm really hoping things start turning around for you.


  6. Bless Linda!!! We love too, but Linda outdid us. Hope your fevers are now broken, and you will be feeling much better.

  7. Hang in there and know we are here with you in spirit, if not in body. I wish I could be there at your bedside too. *hug*

  8. While I/we are eager to hear all your matters and updates; I would be glad to know you are getting sleep and rest in lieu of blogging. Please rest; blog when you can. We are rooting for you.

  9. Thinking of you this morning as I am visiting Baton Rouge, New Orleans and Houma. Maybe I've been gone too long because every time I visit, the attraction seems more about what life used to be than what it is today. But one thing that remains the same is that most people are approachable and generally friendly. I had a chat this morning in the hotel lobby with a nice fellow from Atlanta as we were getting coffee. He is here to attend a wedding while I shared that I am here to visit my mother and also look at a few potential houses. Funny how our lives cross with others in the most random ways. Some for just a moment and others that grow into long and meaningful relationships. I am pondering how is it that I ran across your blog. Was it me running into you or vice versa? I don't remember. But certainly I've come to know you in this virtual meeting spot and even though there are miles between us you should know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. Stay strong and take care of yourself.

  10. You inspire me with your strength and persistence to see this through. I continue to wish you comfort and recovery, and offer my help you need it.


Your comments are welcome if they are positive and/or helpful.
If they are simply a tirade or opinionated bullshit, they will be removed, so don't waste your time, or mine.

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