All The Stupid News That Fits.

See what happens when I'm out of circulation, being transfused for 7 hours, and suffering information  withdrawal.

The Australian & New Zealand researchers stranded on a ship locked in Antarctic ice get rescued after 9 day ordeal. (Whew! Imagine getting locked in ice - in Antarctica, of all places.)

Walmart has been selling donkey meat to China until fox meat was discovered in the mix today. (Eeeww! Wait. What? Never mind, I don't want to know how this was determined.)

73% of American households use at least 1 credit card with 39% carrying a balance month to month. The French and Germans spend less than$300.00 annually on credit cards. 81% of South Koreans pay off their balance each month.  (No wonder banks have Americans by the gonads. I must be South Korean.  Who knew?)

God told Pat Robertson that 2014 will be disaster except for Republicans. (God also told old Pat that Romney would be a 2-term President.)

Suddenly, there is a major push to bring back telephone land lines. (Somebody woke up. I've been saying this for years. Not to be confused with the bundled services which more often than not use fiber optics cables which also depend on electricity to function.)

Angela Lansbury is now a Dame of the British Empire. (She's always been a dame to me…Auntie Dame. Oh, sorry. That was too easy. I couldn't help myself.)

Faux News f**ked up their "All-American New Year's Eve" coverage asking a very drunk Floridian about the new year. (Oh, I can say it, "they fucked up." They wanted "All American" and they got it.  Yes, by all means, keep your kiddies away from Cooper and Griffin, but let them stay up to watch some drunk broad say "fuck this shit up" live on the "family" network.  What class.  What nonsense.)

Someone tries to OUT a popular football player.  (Same old, same old. Thing is, the old super athlete homophobia just ain't there no more. Yes, some things do change.)

Evidently there's a huge storm heading this way and no one is prepared. (Grocery shelves are plundered while folks eye the sky and wring their hands. It's January - and it's snow.  So far, we have been lucky here. Snow happens in January  people, get over it.)

One headline screamed, "Americans Have Very Little Faith in Government!" (Why is this a surprise?  The government has had very little faith in Americans for a very long time. See the NSA for details.)

The NSA is being sued by the ACLU to force the government to disclose details of its surveillance programs. (Hahahaha! Good luck with that one.)

Fiat deal takes over all of Chrysler Motors.  (Fiat? Couldn't be worse than Chrysler going belly-up on its own. Now they can go down together. And I still have that bridge to sell.)

Brittany Spears accused of fake singing and fake abs in her new Las Vegas act. {crickets}  (Well, colour me surprised. Who'da thunk it.)

Major credit card companies - worldwide - are raising interest rates.  (BoA and Citibank release the flying monkeys. Well, raise my rent!  Can you believe that? I am shocked. Shocked, I tell you.)

Newspapers calling for clemency for whistleblower, Edward Snowden.  (As if things aren't bad enough for the administration and the NSA already. If clemency were granted, at least it would allow for the illusion of privacy in this country, but fret not, they won't do it.)

Film at elev……oh, forget it!

With tongue planted firmly in cheek: I can't believe I almost missed all this important news. From now on I have to schedule medical procedures around a slow news day.

And so it goes.

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