Saturday, August 13, 2011

Our August (month, not lineage) Visitors

Elaine Stritch sang the great Noel  Coward song "Why do the wrong people travel?" in the not-so-big-hit Sail Away.  The song was introduced almost 50 years ago, became an instant hit with seasoned gay travelers, with lyrics as relevant today as back then.  Only modes of transport and the names of the people have changed to protect the innocent.

I've always been embarrassed by other Americans when I've traveled out of the country.  Well, truth be told, even only to another state. A few of the words associated with such travelers: arrogant, ignorant, stupid, selfish, rude, pushy, demanding, obstinate, whiny, and needy.  That's not all of them, but a damn good start.

That said, there's been little time (or energy) for a personal post this week. Though the entertainment provided by our August (the month, not lineage) visitors has been rather amusing, all we seem to have the time for is a good belly laugh when the traveling crazy show has moved on.

No explanations or detailed stories, but this may give you some idea - from our vantage point in a tiny resort town on the Atlantic Ocean - of the cuckoos of August.

Walking to work, about to cross the main avenue when a lone car speeds up so that I have to wait for it to pass.  Rolls down the window and screams "go to the crosswalk, a**hole."  and speeds away. In this little town pedestrians have the right-of-way, no matter what. This notice is posted everywhere.  Maybe the jerk can't read.

As I was being relieved by the boss the other day, a party of 16 entered and when told their SUV size baby stroller had to remain outside the building, went ballistic and made an Oscar worthy scene. The boss pointed out the crowded dining room and asked what would happen if there were 4 or 5 of these monsters in the house and a fire broke out?  The mother puts hands on hips, throws head back and says, "what are the odds of that happening?" and I said, "maybe you could ask the folks on the Titanic."  She was not amused, but had no snappy comeback. They left in a huff. 

A long, tall, and old Texan and his little lady joined us for lunch.  He asks the server "what beer do you have on tap?" and as the server begins reciting the list, the Texan interrupts asking, "how about Bud Light?"  server, "we have that in bottles." Texan, "well, what have you got on tap?" same scenario second time around, and then (honest to G*d) even a third.  The little lady orders a Chardonnay and the Texan orders (wait for it).....a margarita.!!?!!

Last evening a herd, 'er group of 50 attempted entry, only to be turned away by the boss.  They were dumbfounded and demanded to know why they couldn't be served (honest, really? they were a busload of morons who had never seen the ocean) and apparently couldn't understand that at that very moment there was a 45 minute wait for any table in the place.

As the busser was clearing the table of a family of 5 today one of the adults motioned me over and asked, "where is this busboy from?" I checked to see who it was and said, "Romania, he's a student.  Was there something wrong?"  "Yes, I want my table cleared by an American, not a foreigner." "Well, in that case," I said, "one of your kids can do the honors.  None of the American students want to work this hard, so we try to hire the best workers we can find.  Sadly, few are American."  I went back to my station as her jaw dropped closer and closer to the tabletop.

One more:

My shift ended late today and I didn't hang around for an AS cocktail, choosing to walk home, instead. As I made my way up the street there were many cars in search of parking spots (free after 5 pm - a permit is required at other times) driving fast and recklessly starting and stopping where they "think" there may be a spot, but it isn't.  As I walk, one car passes dangerously close and yells out to me, "why the f**k don't you use the sidewalk?" and continues on his frantic search without taking notice that there are NO sidewalks on my street.  Good luck finding a parking spot, you dumb-ass!

I made it home safe and sound - - this time.  Tomorrow?  Who knows?

As the boss always says, "You can't make this stuff up, but nobody believes you, anyway."  Truth is stranger than fiction, and that's the truth!

And so it goes.
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2 comments:

  1. Hope you find a cold bottle of Bombay Gin in your fridge and some olives that need marinating. {{{{HUGS}}}}

    ReplyDelete
  2. I LOVE YOUR BLOGS ON THIS SUBJECT! For the life of me I cannot comprehend why the Washington Post doesn't hire you as a communist...er columnist. I almost fell off my chair reading about your "interactions" with some of the ruder members of the Horde. Oh how I miss our weekly dinners at the Feathered One so we could bitch about our encounters.
    I was thinking about writing about some of my "fun encounters" at the hotel. And I'm just working during the week and not the weekend when it is really crazy. Still I have some truly unbelievable stories of rudeness and stupidity to tell. After ten years in the hospitality business I was lulled into a false sense of thinking I encountered every situation. HA! They always come up with something new.
    Watch out for those baby strollers, "they" used them as weapons you know.

    ReplyDelete

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