Saturday, April 19, 2014

Abandonment - Rejection

I have intimate knowledge of both subjects, from the beginning of my life. 

My mother abandoned me when I was three days old. Rejected me completely and never nursed me, held me, or otherwise showed interest in me. I was raised by my mother’s mother & father for most of the first 16 years of my life. No more details than that right now.

Throughout my life there’ve been many rejections and more than my share of abandonments; the most recent and last (until now) was the deceitful ending of my 30 year relationship, losing any share of what  we had built together over those 3 decades.

So after 8 years of peace, surrounded by trustworthy folks I suppose I was due for another slap in the face. This from the person who saw me through the breakup, gave me strength and emotional support, accepted the role of executor of my will, emergency contact and medical power of attorney JIC.

Those roles were important to me coming out of a dark period of serious illness when the curtain finally fell on the previous life. I felt safe and comfortable; first knowing that this person had been a nurse, and second that clergy was also part of their list of accomplishments. 

That sense of comfort and serenity was shattered last August when I found myself facing the current illness and close to death.  When the hospital staff called this person at my request this person denied knowing anyone by my last name (which I am sure the staff bungled anyway, they always do), but still, how many people could this person know with the same first name had as emergency contact in such small town, and with a recent history of serious illness? Not many, I’ll wager.

I confronted the person on this and was told the hospital got it all wrong and had no idea who I was by the description. OK.  But, No.  That doesn’t cut it.

It has been 7 months since I’ve heard any word from this person.  No call. No email. No visit. No nothing. So, I composed a short, straightforward note asking if our friendship was over and if so, to please have the courtesy to let me know - and posted it to their FaceBook page.  And Man!  Did I get a response!!!
I have no idea why you posted that hateful note on my FB page - especially since I have sent you two get well cards, sent you a Christmas card, and left at least a few phone messages for you. I even stopped one day at your apartment and knocked on the door. No answer. I simply thought, since I didn't let you know I was coming and did so just on impulse, that you were out and I had missed you. I was happy thinking that at least you weren't confined to your house. Then, I thought perhaps I had said or done - or not done - something to upset you. I thought perhaps you were depressed and did not want to see anyone right now.  I thought you would contact me when you were ready. I had no idea it would be like this. Even so, you have been in my personal prayers. I have removed your angry post from my wall. If you need to contact me, please do so privately. There is no need to spew your anger all over FB. It only makes you look bad. You also have my phone number - cell and home, I believe. If not, here they are again: ---------- (cell) ---------- (home). Let me know if and when you'd like me to be in contact.
My note wasn’t hateful or angry, just to the point. I guess it’s all in the perspective of the reader. Here’s the most hurtful - the lying part:
* They’ve never been to my apartment.
* My car is always directly in front of the building and easily recognizable by the Dos Locos bumper sticker. In my condition walking is out of the question.
* It’s fairly impossible that three greeting cards to the same person from the same person would get lost while all other cards and mail arrived in good order.
* There is a telephone in the kitchen and next to the bed.  Even on my worst days I am grateful for a phone call from anyone interested in my well-being.
* The best part and biggest lie: No messages could have been left because I have neither voice mail nor an answering device on my phone line. It’s a flat rate, basic local calling service - and no bells and whistles.

Oh, and there is always the matter of this blog. It’s been on their blogroll for years, but clearly never bothered to read or check it out.  Truly bad form and such pitiful lies.

The reason for my initial note was ignored completely, instead of answering my questions the ball is tossed back into my court and I am told to call if I want to make contact. Only do it privately, not on FB.  Like that’s going to happen.

I already made initial contact, and it was rebuffed. If I make another one it will be on FaceBook, as well, and I know they don’t like that idea.  Too public.

I will take that as the real message here and move on. No more anger, shock or disappointment. Now only sadness that I miscalculated once again. I’d sure like to be right once in a while.  That’s all. 

And so it goes.


  1. There are few things that sting worse than the betrayal and abandonment of someone you befriended, trusted and cared for. I know this sting all too well and I'm sorry it has happened to you at all, let alone more than once.


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