Thursday, August 21, 2014

Positive and Prolific

This post is going to roll around a bit, but stay with me. 
A few commenters have noted that my writing has been prolific lately.  I guess that’s true. I’ve been writing just about every day for a few weeks now. Dunno why. There’s not much else to do, besides read and sleep, and work through stress.

I feel the need to be connected, I suppose. To put something out there about life, my life specifically. With the previous life a distant memory, to focus on this one important fact that today is 24 hours long, but NOW is a brief moment. And easily wasted; too easily wasted.

To write about the cancer and the experiences with the medical establishment. For a long time it was  referred to as my “illness” until I decided to own it and call it what it is. That, in itself, was quite liberating. Being another person dealing with cancer, if I write something that’s helpful to someone else, that’s great. The important thing is to know you’re not alone. Others are in the same dog fight. 

It’s difficult to concentrate on yourself when external forces are pushing and pulling you - body and mind - in all directions. (One can’t spend 25 of 31 days at one medical facility or another and not be spinning on the edge. Well, I can’t, anyway) Eventually things calm down and there is time to get centered and take a look back. Regroup and move on.

The same goes for posting the photos. TBT is a way of putting the visuals of my life together. The last 4 decades of it, anyway. Places I’ve been, they are the proof I was here. I want them out there because when I go, there is no one to recollect that I was ever here. No trace of my life, work, or body. 

Old friends, the witnesses to my life are all gone. What I wouldn’t give to have an old friend tell a truly embarrassing story from my younger days. That won’t happen. And I’m sure I’ve forgotten the really good ones, anyway. 

My blog family is here now as witness, in place of the lost friends. So what if they're late to the party! They surround me and lift my spirits, make me laugh, make me think.   That does my heart good.

Life goes on, though what I’m mimicking isn’t life really, it’s existing, working and hoping for a better, healthier tomorrow. That’s what keeps me going.  It’s not always easy; sometimes giving up seems the most logical and least painful way to go. But, I just can’t do that.  Not yet.

I may not be either prolific or positive at times, but I'll do my best.

Chalk this one up to post-chemo brain fog.

And so it goes.



  1. Replies
    1. Just by being you, my dear. No effort required.

  2. Well Said ..... as always positive thoughts and vibes ....

  3. Please hang in there, I too hope for a healthier, happier tomorrow for you. You may feel lonely, but you are cared about.
    Take care,

    1. Calvin; I'm not lonely, per se, I just miss being around people. Being alone doesn't bother me either.
      Thanks for your comments, as always.

  4. Despite your assertion of this posting coming out of a "brain fog", this puts into focus some of the (to me) vaguer aspects of where you are now. Of course I knew your position in overall terms but this provides more hard-edged info on your current thinking and attitudes.
    I know exactly what you're talking about in lamenting the departure of friends. I'm always rehearsing in my mind the many things left unsaid - and it pulls me up sharp when I realise they must remain that way. Sounds like you may be a stage beyond even that.
    Do continue to use your blog as an outlet in the way you are doing. If It may not always be easy to read about another's trials (though it is a continual lesson to the rest of us to count our 'blessings') it is YOUR space, after all - and I'm sure that you get at least a degree of therapeutic value from letting it out, as I do.
    Very best wishes, C.

    1. Ray: You're right. Writing about it is most therapeutic, and if it helps someone else get through one more day, that's great, too. There is an other-worldly experience when receiving, or just after Chemo that is commonly referred to as the brain fog. It's not an original Cajun phrase. Thanks for the visit,

  5. The pain that you’ve been feeling, can’t compare to the joy that’s coming.
    Romans 8:18

  6. The blog community is a pretty good community. they've shown me support in times of need, and if I can give back in any way, well, that's pretty cool, too.

  7. Despite being a long way away from you, I feel the connection. I am glad and honored to be part of your blog family. May it do you well.

  8. Beautifully said. The blog community for me has proven invaluable. I hope it will be the same for you.


Your comments are welcome if they are positive and/or helpful.
If they are simply a tirade or opinionated bullshit, they will be removed, so don't waste your time, or mine.

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