Declaration of Corporate Independence

By Horatio Algernon (with help from the Founding Fathers)  who gives us this:

When in the course of oil drilling (especially blowouts), it becomes necessary for one Corporation (BP) to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with The Small People, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and fundamentally un-equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of The Small People requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

    We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all Persons (and that includes corporations, according to the US Supreme Court) are not created equal (and certainly not equal with pelicans and dolphins), that some are endowed by their Creator (corporate charter) with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life (Yachting), Liberty (to censor photographers, reporters, scientists and others at will) and the pursuit of Happiness ($$$). That to secure these rights, Corporations are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the Board of Directors, That whenever any Form of Government (eg, Plaquemines Parish of Louisiana ) becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of The Big People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government (headquartered offshore), laying its foundation on such principles (maximizing profits and minimizing losses) and organizing its powers in such form (new coastguard rules prohibiting photographers or others from coming within 65 feet of boom, beaches or response vessels under threat of fines of $40,000 and class D felony charges), as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety (minimize future court settlements) and Happiness ($$$). Prudence (The Small People and the Pentagon buy our gas), indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that Corporations are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses (from the likes of Plaquemines Parish President Billy Nungesser, Louisiana coast resident Kindra Arnesen, Andersen Cooper and even Jimmy Buffett) and usurpations (Georgianne Nienaber and other photographers trying to get photos of oiled pelicans), pursuing invariably the same Object (information that might help mitigate the oil impacts and/or act as evidence in future liability cases) evinces a design to reduce them (The Big People) under absolute Despotism (enforcement of legal regulations that have been on the books but heretofore ignored by MMS**), it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future (financial) security.

No people have more advanced survival  skills and the sense of humor that goes with them than the people of the low country on the Gulf of Mexico. Even as their way of life and entire culture is being destroyed hour by hour, they keep their integrity, history, and humanity in mind. No easy task, to be sure. Could you or me do it? I wonder.

Read the rest here.

h/t to Editilla