Really Stupid (and Real) Traveler Complaints.

And you thought the Ugly American Tourists were the cream of the stupid crop as traveling goes. How wrong can one be? These are actual complaints to Thomas Cook Vacations in the UK. Clearly these folks don't get out much. 

Oh, and this post requires a "SPEW ALERT" - you have been warned.

A recent survey from Thomas Cook and ABTA reveals 20 of the most ridiculous complaints by holiday-makers made to their travel agent. 

1. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts." 

2. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be banned." 

3. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all." 

4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels." 

5. A tourist at a top African Game Lodge over looking a water hole, who spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel "inadequate". 

6. A woman threatened to call police after claiming that she'd been locked in by staff. When in fact, she had mistaken the "do not disturb" sign on the back of the door as a warning to remain in the room. 

7. "The beach was too sandy." 

8. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure.Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white." 

9. A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick and strong. He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time. 

10. "Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women." 

11. "We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five Euros from a street trader, only to find out they were fake." 

12. "No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled." 

13. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England it only took the Americans three hours to get home." 

14. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends' three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller.." 

15. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the accommodation’. We’re trainee hairdressers - will we be OK staying there?" 

16. "There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners now live abroad." 

17. "We had to queue outside with no air conditioning." 

18. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel." 

19. "I was bitten by a mosquito, no-one said they could bite." 

20. "My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."

As Sir Noel Coward wrote: 

Why do the wrong people travel, travel, travel, when the right  people stay back home?
What compulsion compels them, and who the Hell tells them
To drag their cans to Zanzibar, instead of sitting quietly in Omaha.

The gathering storm of stupid will either be our undoing, or give us more to be grateful for from here on out.

And so it goes.

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