I’m a little rattled at the moment. Having just completed a telephone conversation with my sister in NOLA that included many (perhaps too many) revelations from childhood. Not that I hadn’t suspected some of what finally came to light, but this was chilling, revealing and damning information that will take time to sort out, digest; partially explaining why, practically my whole life, no, my entire life, I was always kept out of the loop on issues regarding the family. So many lies.
If this makes any sense I am stunned and relieved at the same time; exhausted and elated at the same time.
Her pain and anguish – not to mention her desire to keep these secrets to herself – was almost unbearable, yet these horrible secrets came out; at least most of them.
I now understand the low self-esteem and the reluctance to pursue her dreams; why she did some of the many destructive things that caused even more pain; and why, for some reason she trusted me more than anyone else in the family.
I asked her why this was so and she responded “because you never judged me and you always told me to do whatever I wanted to do while everyone was telling me otherwise.”
She is a brilliant artist.
I really need to sleep on this and pray that her heart is finally healing having released some of the suppressed, horrid memories of the past 55 years.
It has begun to rain again, which seems appropriate at the moment.
And so it goes.