Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Sunday: A Soaring Beginning; a Crash and Burn Ending

What happened?

I am not sure.

Wish I could “go to the video tape”…but no.

I’ve been trying to sort it out for the last two days.

Too much alcohol was involved, and not by me. This was the second time this kind of outburst had surfaced.

Perhaps when enough alcohol is consumed one’s true feelings surface. Ugly, hurtful words spoken – or screamed - in my direction. Friends don’t do that unless there is some underlying unresolved issue that has to be addressed and sorted out. I attempted to place blame on the booze. However…Something died.

As we all know words and phrases mean different things to different people.

For example, my best friend used to get very upset when I would call her a survivor. She was thinking in terms of survival of the Holocaust (she lost many family members in various camps) and until she decided call me on this she always felt hurt whenever I used the phrase. When she finally told me she didn’t appreciate being compared to those who survived the Holocaust, I finally understood the connection. What I was really saying by using the “you’re a survivor” phrase was that she was strong, committed and had endured, triumphed over so many horrible life situations that many other women wouldn’t if they faced the same circumstance. Then and only then, did she comprehend my meaning – and she knows me better than any other person alive.

That the word “survivor” meant something totally different to her had been lost on me and it meant a lot to our friendship when I finally internalized her translation and she understood mine.

Anyway, as for the Sunday crash and burn I remain at a loss.

It all happened so fast, I have more to sort out and decipher. I will post more if and when I find some thread.

I’d like to think that it was all a terrible misunderstanding, but my gut tells me otherwise. This scene played out in front of our entire table and I can only imagine what the others thought, if anything. Other than shock, that is.

I am done. It has been a rough day and an exhausting two days. So, I am going to have supper, a cocktail, and then watch COSMOS.

And so it goes.



  1. Hi - sent you an e-mail a few days ago; since I didn't hear from you, figured I'd come 'visiting'.

    I notice the photo' - is this an old one from your album, or the people who were hurt in the crash?

    I remember sitting on a dining patio in California some years ago; the car was supposed to slow down at the near-by light, but it came careening onto the patio and a few people were hurt.

    We were sitting far enough back, to be able to 'jump and run' - I think they should think twice about how close to the road some of those dining spots are.

    I'm writing on my son's computer; we were going out to dinner, then he decided he was too tired, and called out for pizza which was super good (they're still chowing on it).

    I can't eat much since the dental work, but 'gummed' a piece and had some fruit juice, so it was plenty.

    I enjoy the links you have - I buzz on over to those, and do my reading as well; you've got 'good taste' (smile).

    Okay, won't bug you - hope you have a great week-end, and no more car accidents in front of your face or near your body - must have really fouled up the evening; possibly you can scan the newstory since you haven't got a video for it.

    By the way, I loved that cat video - I think I commented already on that one. Regards, Diane

  2. Happy,
    There was no car accident. The title is a metaphor for how the evening with friends turned ugly.
    I wished for a video tape because knowing how the "ugly" began, what triggered it, would be helpful.
    Perhaps not.
    Thanks for visiting.

  3. Ah, words... They press buttons in the receiver bringing back memories of past hurts. Evidently it was the wrong word (or words) at the wrong (read alcohol)time.
    Seems to me that you have to find the root of this performance, talk it out together and then decide if you think the friendship can be a positive in both your lives.

    Having known you many years(and even being a roommate for a while ;) I know you are a good person, no matter what was said.

    Bottom line is this is NOT about you. It's about this person's issues.

    Love I send you.

  4. Howdy from Planet Bill. Thanks for your comment! I've enjoyed reading your blog, and decided to comment first on this post, since you mentioned it to me.

    I agree with the previous comment that this is about your friend's issues, not yours. However, it did affect you and your enjoyment of the evening.

    It's common for the repentant over-drinker to blame an outburst on too much booze, but that just doesn't cut it. We're adults. We're each responsible for our actions and words.

    Since you dropped by my blog, you know I'm a recovering alcoholic. Don't get me wrong, though, I bear no grudge against alcohol, and I could shake you a great martini or Manhattan; I just can't put it in me, because things would go awry.

    When calmer heads prevail, you may choose to discuss the incident with your friend. Just know that if this person has a true problem with alcohol they will probably not admit it - even to themselves - until the problem gets worse. Unfortunately, that's usually how it works.

    Having said that, don't expect comments on other posts to be this darned serious. You picked a grand old photo, by the way, for this post!

  5. Whoops - well I guess I didn't 'read between the lines' because of my experience with a REAL crash and burn....

    Okay, since I've had former husbands who were alcoholics; my father was a 'die-hard' one and he died hard from it, I truly can relate only as an observer, and know that my father would be verbally abusive to everyone, then 'beg off' because he'd blame it on the liquor.

    Sometimes liquor 'loosens' the tongue and the innermost thoughts; the truth 'slips' out, and whoever your friend is/was, was always anxious to say whatever he/she did, and it only took an extra drink or two to allow this to happen.

    All-in-all, maybe it's just as well to 'move on' - the air is certainly cleared now, and nothing will be gained by trying to force a friendship I'm sure.

    As you say: ...and so it goes.

    Regards, Diane


Your comments are welcome if they are positive and/or helpful.
If they are simply a tirade or opinionated bullshit, they will be removed, so don't waste your time, or mine.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...