A few weeks ago, tired of staring at this sorry-ass face of mine, I decided it might be interesting to re-grow my beard. I had one for many years. (As you will see if you stop by TBT most all photos show a bearded me. About 25 years.)
Since I’m losing hair everywhere else - due to genetics or the Chemo - sprouting facial hair has been a nice diversion. The doctors and nurses love it. Shop owners and friendly cashiers like it, too. Love to stroke it, run their hands through it…you get the idea. Everyone is amazed at how quickly it grew out (I’ve already had to trim it) in less than a month.
So you can imagine my surprise today when I was confronted by a Xristian Xrazy in reference to the fuzzy face, who laid it on me about my going straight to Hell. Yep! That’s what she said. And she's good friends with the baby Jeebus, so you know it's true.
As she sat on the boardwalk bench beside me, she explained that only Muslim men wear beards (Not a Duck Dynasty fan?) and that baby Jeebus would be confused, probably not recognize me as Xristian with facial hair. (Never mind historical facts, they count for nothing here; think blond-haired blue-eyed Jeebus with his smart, fashionable, wispy goatee.) And since He doesn’t like to be confused (evidently, it upsets him no end) He will deny my entrance to heaven and send me - forthwith - to Hades without so much as asking a single question. So, there!
Here I am looking about as much like a Muslim as Elmer Fudd; dressed in cargo shorts, sport shirt, Inkkas, shades, and sporting my festive chapeau. I wanted to laugh, but she was dead serious and I didn’t want the police to remove a crazy person from my tired old body. Instead, I told her I would shave as soon as I got home. That I had no idea that Jeebus would be annoyed or confused. She was fine with that.
Though I must say, when I caught a glimpse of my refection in a shop window later on, I looked like some character who had fallen out of a Tennessee Williams novel - hat and all! I laughed my head off.
Anyway, she was appeased and moved on to another bench to see what she could find that Jeebus would be offended by with the next poor soul in her path.
Then the fog began to lift. Seriously. There was pea soup fog this morning and as I made my way back to the car, the sun began burning it off, turning the day into a sunny and mild one - whenever people decided to wake up and enjoy it.
No, I did not shave off my beard for Baby Jeebus. I figure if he can’t recognize me - clothed, naked, bearded or clean shaven, his observation skills suck, he's a shitty prophet, and he ain’t much of a Son of God.
I need a glass of wine!
And so it goes.
*UPDATE: I wonder if my xristian xrazie lady flew in with the super moon? I forgot it was saturday.